Campaign 2 - The Curse of Strahd - Is That a 6 or a 9? A Dungeons and Dragons podcast made by idiots

In a. Land plucked from time and space, surrounded by a fog that lets not escape. Be wary of every adventure for the dangers hidden in every corner. To the castle you must go to throw an ancient evil on your own. But cautiously, he knows you're coming. He smells the flesh blood. You're carrier. Trust no one in this land of twilight and you might survive to see true sunlight against all odds. If you prevail heroes true, they will sing of you to end your tale. But if you fall heavily, your soul is now trapped.

High atop a mountain peak sits Rainbow Loft Key. It's grand old doors open. But you an invitation so tarry not. There should be no delay. The Master awaits you this death. Welcome Lords, ladies, nobles and sirs. Prepare your spirits to be marred as we enter the curse of Stride. Welcome everyone to. Is that a six or a nine? Things are different. What is happening? That's right, I'm in control for to kick off the spooky season, I thought we all thought that it would be a good idea to do the Curse of Stroud, to which I am going to be DM ING.

I am your DM. My name is Carl Nicholson and I am joined by. Maria Nicholson I am playing will be shady. Ivan, Danny Kill.

Matt Court. No, I don't have a real name. I've I've been character I've been. He's he is straight in character. There was no Matt. There was only Ivan. And Alex Shannon, I'm going to be playing Malice Enfield. Wonderful. Fantastic. I'm sorry, it's just I've bought new microphones for everyone and Alex still managed to do that without speaking into I can. Fire. Away. From the big as possible. I can. I can hear the wet noises in my mouth when I'm this close. You can hear. Me breathing. I can hear you.

I have to. Remove you. We're in the kitchen. It has taken 2 hours to get this set up to actually work. I genuinely have spent longer setting these microphones up today than I have sleeping, so I'm in a great place right now. I just wanted to make sure that if we were going into a new campaign, we have developed our audio quality slightly. I think we've, there's a fucking aeroplane. I just wanted to develop our audio quality slightly. I feel like we deserve it. I feel like the two people listening deserve it.

And also no one explained that we're going to bounce between this campaign and our previous campaign. So we'll do 20 odd sessions or so I think. Is that right of this campaign? And then how many sessions? Terrified how many sessions we could edit this But like how many sessions of this are we doing before we go back to Panatheon? Yeah. Because we've done 20 odd episodes of Panatheon, so it feels right to do the same amount of this and then hop back to Panatheon. We'll see how we. Go, we'll see how we go.

We see. We see if we get to a point where Carl's sort of. I haven't. To clarify, I haven't actually read all of the book yet. I'm halfway. I'm halfway through the castle and the castle is like the final bit of the campaign, but for some reason it's like right at the front of the book, but you've got all of that to get to the other. Place we might speed run it, but.

I killed Dracula. There are. There are options. There are options to get there a lot sooner, however I I do not recommend. It I, I just wanted to make the point that for those that are loving Panatheon and especially Ick that that will be back, that it's just taking a short break to that one DM rest and the other DM flexes DM muscles for a bit because they are the only muscles that he has. Wow.

Him. OK. Him being my husband too, I've just found right. I promise you're very moosely. I'll be. Ready. Yeah, I guess. Sure. Let's do this. In the city of Neverwinter, the shops are closing up for the day and the Taverns are opening. St Lanterns are being lit. But our story does not start here. The northern end of the city is the estate of the Duchess Abigail Moen. She is hosting a party. There are dignitaries, nobles and merchants from afar, from and from the surrounding cities and halls. They have come to break bread and share news of the passing year.

And as the first snowflake of the winter tides fall, our story Shojunaf does not start here. Our story starts on the western end of the city. Sounds like why are you fucking telling us then? What's the thought that came into bed? Our Church of the Dawnfather. Quite you. But our story, our story is actually somewhere else completely. New York. Chicago. A great place, great stories, the way going to New Jersey, nothing it's fun about. Minnesota. This, this sect of the the Church of the Dawn Father acts more as a militia.

They this they come to the city's aid when they're being attacked by Cobalts and goblins, and there's also a group of specific holy warriors that hunt abominations. This is the halls and homes of the Silver Calibre. And it is here that our story starts. On this night, the leader of the sect, Father Caledon. He is in deep prayer when he receives a vision, a land swallowed by evil, a church in tatters, a people under oppression and a psychic blast knocks him from his knees onto his back. Attendees come rushing over to him and when he is when he is shaken out of his his like semi religious trance, he demands Ivan Dunkel.

Bring me Ivan Dunkel. Now the attendees without saying a word, they pull him up and they lead him to his, they lead him to his like personal office. They then go and retrieve Ivan Dunkel, who who is in the barracks within the church. It's like the the the eastern wing. They made the barracks polishing my weapon. OK. Grim, don't do that next to me. Getting the oil in those grimaces. You had a series of knots on your, on your. Are you in you? Are you sorry? Are you in your your five quarters? You may or may not hear a series of knocks.

That's. Freaking on here. Sorry, was the door even closed? I like to think they go to find me in the barracks, but I'm not there. I'm already at the pub. You're so you're in the barracks. Yes, so I am. I'm in my my own quarters. I have a cold staying room with her rough straw mattress which I sort of perched on the corner of. I am a I'm a dwarf. I have a heavy breastplate underneath long road dust covered trench coat. But I am sort of at a desk having cleaned the parts of my silver pistol. I'm reassembling it as I guess someone comes to the door, but I I essentially look like Richard Armitage from The Hobbit.

I've got like long dark hair, braided beards. Like proper classic. Dwarf like ruggedly good looking like in real life. I don't think he thinks you're ruggedly good looking, He. Did he's not looking at me. I don't really have. How can you know if I'm ugly good looking if you're not looking at me? Yes, I'm a beautiful man. I'm a beautiful dwarf. Two attendees are standing on the on the other side of the door, and one of them leans forward in a very in a low voice. Father, Father Caledon has requested your presence.

What have I done now? He did not give specifics. It was following a event he he will let you know. Please come. So without much of an explanation, you are LED very quickly to the from the Eastern buildings to the front grounds of the church. And this is the the surface level of the church is where the like the Congress come to like, like they come to worship like this is for like the public people. And the, the northern end of the church here is like this grand altar of a giant sun. And in the middle of the sun is like a set of weighing scales.

Behind that altar is a staircase leading down and a staircase leading up the. They lead you to this staircase that leads up to the to Father Caledon's private quarters. Cool. I I guess I follow them up. I'm assuming I know the way to this. Yeah, it feels like I've been called to the headmaster's office. It's very, it's very strange. It's very strange to have them like attend like show you the way even though you know where to go. Like they could have just said, yeah, he wants to see you and then like left it at that.

So it's odd that they've been following you the whole way as they, as they lead you into his private quarters. Kaladan looks up from his chair. He's visibly he's shaken and tired. He's sweating. He's like dubbing sweat with a with a napkin. And he turns the attorneys, the attendees, thank you. You may leave us. He specifically waits for the for the monks to leave before he speaks. So it takes a few seconds. And they, they look at you and they look at him. They like they bow and they close the door and he waits to hear the pair power footsteps like going back down the staircase.

For the caledon, is everything OK? My son, what do you make of visions? Dreams. That depends on the dream. Sometimes it is a message from the Dawn father, sometimes it is merely the minds fancy or dread depending on depending on the dream. I have received a vision from our Lord that is a land that is in need of our aid. A church has fallen to horrific times. I want you to make fast to this land, though I admit our Lord withheld the information to where this land precisely is. Report to the foundry below, arm yourself at the front of the molten steel, and pray at our true altar, the Forge of the Sun.

Make haste to the estate, Duchess Morwin, and take this with you for aid. And he very quickly scribbles something down on parchment, and then he seals the parchment shop with a with like a wax seal. This will sway the argument, but if the seal breaks, it is useless. Now go. As you wish, my Lord. I guess I head down to the foundry. So you were polishing your you're polishing your pistol. I was really you're working some oil into? This Father Caledon didn't realise you were already armed. You don't need to go down to the foundry.

That's the only reason why he sent you down there, to receive your holy equipment. But seeing as you already have it, just go. Cool. Yeah, no, I head down to Foundry. I'm going to need some bullets and shit anyway. Right? OK. I assume they don't keep the gunpowder in the foundry. That feels like a reckless combination. That's bad firearm. I'm talking to myself, Care. I don't know. Yeah, I'll head down to the foundry. I'm going to get some bullets and stuff. There are a few Harley blacksmiths at work.

They are mostly tinkering with, they are improving armour and there's a there's one particular blacksmith who's working on a set of maces and crosses, but the crosses are attached to like a like a wire so that when you throw them they can return to your hand. That's amazing. Can I? Have can. I have go to the foundry guys. Excuse me brother, Brother Smith of the cool crucifix. Yo-yo thing. It's yeah, it might look, it might look fancy and all of that, but it's, it's really still a work in progress.

Sometimes the wire gets jammed and it doesn't want to retract and, and he throws it against the wall and then the other cross brakes and of course, you know, sometimes that happens as well. It's it's a part of time, not quite ready for deployment just yet. But just think, on the one occasion I do use it to look fucking amazing, no, OK fine. I just need a load of bullets. Probably just the regular slugs, maybe some silver, just in case, you know. And he leans in. Any idea what you're hunting? No.

Father called down, says he's out of vision. He's sending me up to find a A church to just follow on hard times. I'm not even sure necessarily where I'm going, but. Some crazy old shit sending me on some batshit mission. So to be honest, whatever you got mate, Whatever's cheapest because I ain't going to find fuck all anyway. Of course, yes, a crusade. Yes, I'm a badass. I'm a badass adventurer. I don't. I don't need the direction. I just need to be told I've got to go and kill shit and that's what I'm going.

To do, you'll just settle for the time out of the office, right? Oh yes.

And more of a field guy than an than an office guy, you know? And without, without much without much more override, he leans down under his under his light forge and he pulls up a box. And in this box contains 2 pouches, 1 pouch of blessed blessed gunpowder and 150 silver, silver balls, which are your ammunition. They are the bullets. Thank you, Barla. Happy Hunan. Happy Smithing and bear me in mind with the cool hosting. As soon as I get it working there, I will deliver one over to your personal course.

Thanks. OK. I guess I'm going going to town. Where was I going? I was going to see. The Duchess. Duchess, just more win. Abigail more win. Yeah, Abigail more win. And you've been, you've been in the city for long enough to know where the where the Duchess's estate lies. It's on the far northern side of the of the city. Excellent. And I go to the front of the Duchess. As you approach the as you approach the main gate, you see like the, the grand estate gates are like forming, like they're shut up, like locked shut.

And there are two guards standing either side and they watch you like approach, but they don't play anything. They hope the idea that you can see a lot of the gate will help you, like understand that you're not coming in. I I approach them and I raise my hand and do the Anglic side brothers. How's it hanging? Monk. Not no close enough. Whatever I I've got, I've got mission from Father Calladan. I need to, I need to speak to the lady, to the Duchess. I'm afraid they. I'm afraid our mistress Morgan is indisposed.

She's she's receiving guests. You'll have to come back in the morning. I don't feel like that's any fucking business of the man on the gate. You let him up to the front door, then the man at the front door tells you to fuck off but it's not the man on the gates job. Outrageous. Tell him to go fuck himself. Yeah. I say fucking. Look, I've got a got a really important mission from caravan I've got to go to. I've got to go find a church that's been, I don't know, something's happened to this church.

I've got to go figure it out. I've been giving a letter to give to the Duchess. He looks at the seal and it looks at his and it looks at the other guard. The other guard shrugs. I'm I'm going to get a demotion for this. I know it. No it. Turns around, unlocks the, unlocks the gate. What's your name? And those that's. What I heard Smith it Smith. It and you are LED, you're LED up to the estate and into a like a public chamber. So just on, on the inside, on the inside of the doors to like the main estate you're laid into like a side room, like wait here and I'll see if I can persuade her to come.

Excellent. Thank you. And I did the hangman sound again. Hang time, bother, hang time. The snow then started to fall at the beginning of the evening has now turned into rain and traps of Thunder are heard on the horizon as you hear stomping down the hole. And then the the door is very quickly like swung open. And these these two like really scorny looking like, like, not like slaves, but like underprivileged, like people. Wiping. Stuff servants. Servants thank you attending attending the Duchess who is in a full like Victorian like ball gown of.

How obnoxious. Of purple, gold and red. She is a human woman and she is in her Middle Ages. She's about 40-50. There's streaks of grey going through her hair which is up in like a big like bun. She's very like, but that's not the word beautiful.

Yeah, she's very regal. Fine.

I wouldn't say that to her face. Also when people say a fine piece of ass. Like that is, I want the whole thing or nothing at all. I don't want a piece of it. I think the idea is to objectify the woman to make her feel less important and you feel more important. That's why when you abuse her, she doesn't feel like she has a place to stand. And you're hurting the other parts that are not the fine piece of ass. Yes. OK. Cuts of meat. Yes, yeah, yes. But what about those of us that were abused and not for our looks?

What's the rule book say then,

exactly? There's no answer. There's a floor to your logic. I guess a bow to the Duchess. Do the hang loose side again. Duchess Mormon. I do not like, I do not much like the idea of being summoned away from my esteemed guests, Monk. My apologies. It was sent to my father, Caledon. Official business. He gave me this letter. He's he's had a vision. He's told me I have to go to a village somewhere, find a church. One of our churches has been, I don't know, something's happened to the church, so I could go find it.

He asked me to come here to see you. She before she opens it, she's like flips over and she regards it and from behind her shoulder emerges a drow who is in also fine regal ball gown dress. And then, then she and then she breaks and then she opens and then she reads it, she said. That was going to be really important. You don't know what the parchment says, but you read it over the duchess's salt. Have you read the contents of this net? No. No. It was sealed. Good She. And then she hunt. She hunts it.

She holds the parchment over a candle fire and like watches it burn slowly. What the fuck, Barney Canada? Question why doesn't she put it in the fireplace? Because what she just did is sure to burn down her whole fucking health. It's just a parchment of paper. It will burn and then just. Go where? Onto the floor? Yes, it's. Just ash the the the servants and cleaning stuff can burned. Your papers before. I'm way too scared of dying in a house fire. Honestly, I have no idea how scared of fire I am.

When we were kids, we used to go to those fire safety things and they would say to you just put your mattress out your bedroom window and I'm like, are you taking a fucking piss? I can't even rotate the damn thing. Yeah, I. Don't know whose window is. It we used to go to the food museum and they used to do fire safety things when we were in primary school. They gave it used to give you the reflective things to say well done for knowing how to cross the road and all that shit. Remember the hedgehogs?

I have absolutely no idea what the fuck you're talking. About you had a traumatic headache, do you know what I'm talking about? I remember the hedgehog. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And we did this thing with fire safety, and they literally turn the lights off, fill the room with smoke, and then you have to learn how to get out of the room like it's pretending it's on fire. And then they were like, put your mattress out your bedroom window. And I was like, first of all, my bedrooms, the first one at the top of the stairs, so I'm going to die anyway.

Second of all, I can't fit my mattress out my tiny farmhouse windows like. Well, there you go. Giant Mansion is probably going to have big windows though. And a fire escape. No, generally these old houses don't have a fire escape. The best case scenario is the the slaves sort of little or the. 7th 7. 7. 7/7. I'm turning on where we are maybe, Sir. I recently I went to the the Ipswich, the Christchurch partner. What's? The Christchurch mansion. I went to the Christchurch mansion and it's a very beautiful house and there's lots of.

In a very shit town. Lots of staircases in between little bits, Yeah for serving stuff to go up and down from, but all of the rooms are made of wood so I'm not sure it's going to help too much. Yeah, we did a lot of fire safety training in my last. Job. So you're burning my letter? I am. Which? For that letter, it's incredibly dangerous. Well, yeah, it's going to start a fire. I am. We are on the eve of the winter tide festivities, so I cannot in good conscience give you a Karasan. However, she looks over.

Miss Enfield, what make you of this situation? What would you do? Have you, have you told me what's in the letter? The letter is a warning if this if this monk is denied what he asks, I will recede all religious activities from your city. I I lean down, I'm assuming she's sitting. She's standing. Oh, fair play, fair play. But seeing as you're a drow, you're a little bit. Torn. Yeah, I I lean slightly closer and I go. This is concerning, my lady. How many would you send? Quiet is probably the better way.

We don't want to risk pandemonium. Your father, your master, whatever term you may wish to have for him. He threatened to rescind religious activities if I didn't give you aid. I can't. That's like a really dark turn, isn't it? Your father or master like. I can't a good conscience to send away the town guard. I'm going to need them here for security during the winter festivities as crime is always on the rise around this time of year. My aid and my personal aid. However, Miss Allisonfield here,

she has become a most useful asset in my personal collection. She will aid you. She will help you do whatever it is that Father Callaghan would like you to do. If she does not return with you, you do not return here, OK. Are we? Clear. Yes, sorry. Hello. I raise my hand to shake your hand. It's. Like my name is. A Bob, Thank you. I'm the brother of the Silver. Cover. I slightly brush my hands on my dress and hold my hand down. Watching the lower classes. I shake it very gently as. Soon as you go to take Shake my hand, I'd do the angry song again.

This is This is our thing. A comedian in our mists A. What? A comedian. No, you're a comedian. Are you sure this is necessary? Oh. You must. Be very good to be socialising with the Duchess. Of course. I, I want, I want to that thing where I'd mind you telling me a joke, but I look forward to hearing lots of funny remarks on that on our, on our walk. On our I better go and get my equipment together and. I will leave you with our esteemed guest. I have to return to my own. I I like slightly bow to the the Duchess as she leaves.

OK, I I've got to be honest, I don't really know where we're going. So you might want to pack a extra pair of shoes, maybe some food. I I look at my feet and I've got like the most beautiful sparkling pair of like knee hide like heels on. A very nice, but the work can be very practical on the road. I can do a lot in these shoes. Thank you. I'm not changing I believe. You. I'm going to are the are the the two servants still in here? 1 is. OK, fine, I'll get some stuff to do while I go and collect my things.

I need to go get my stuff. Refreshment, yeah. I would clay onto the carrot diet block go. I'm going to go just like. The servant bowels and then I'll leave some room and moments like he comes back with a pewter, like a pewter jug and A and like a silver chalice. And he pulls out a glass of red wine. Very nice. Only it's not exactly red wine. The colour of the colour of the liquid is way more vibrant, almost orange, but it it it essentially tastes the same as red wine.

Very good. Cheers. I I I go to wherever I normally stay and collect my. Your travelling. Gear my travelling gear and my weapons and my the the parade rapier of whatever it is. Weapons. Your parade weapons. She has weapons. I have fucking weapons. If we do ASMRF now you don't make weapons. Luckily my dress denied all my weapons. If we make quiet. ASMR noises of lots of wet sounds. Matthew has to listen back to it when he edits. Then I went. Oh, gross, I was. Sending them all to you on WhatsApp. And you'll be like.

He said there's an edit and it's just going to be a four hour loop of you making fucking guys. So.

You wanted sound effects and stuff they're like I don't. Really want that. Creatures and battles. On your way back to the drawing room where Ivan is a God, a card kind of like he's he has like a torch in the sound and he like kind of jogs up to you. Good evening, mistress. I don't want to bother the Duchess with this, but those those outsiders from the other day that back outside the town and they're bothering the townspeople again, you.

Have a problem with the outsiders? I can understand that she doesn't want bloodshed on her like on her lands, but the talents make are getting really rather restless. No problem. We won't. We won't take this to the Duchess Wall. Thank. You very. Much. Don't worry, Don't worry. Carry on. We'll we'll we'll. Me and my new companion. Sure. Acquaintance. Acquaintance. That's the one. Me and me and my acquaintance will. Escort. Well, you know, they used to like Downton and Bridgeton and shit. The women can't go anywhere on the rain, can they?

Have to have an escort. Not escort as in the way you're thinking of it. Yeah, sure. What? What is? What is the problem? There seems to be some riffraff riff yes rowdies if you there seems to be some yes disgruntled people out rolled by the town. The Godfather teaches us that we should lend aid to the needy. Perhaps they are just in need of food or shelter. Perhaps. Let's just go and find. Them I was I was about to say roll A roll a history check to further insight. First dice roll of the campaign it's.

Going to be AD 20. It's going to be a Nat 20. Come on, it's 16. I'll take it. That's 19. So the other day these these these, these outsiders, they first turned up on the outer gates of never winner. They didn't come in. They made camp outside just off the main road and they bothered quite literally every single traveller and peasant and guard for hours on end trying to peddle their wares at extortionately high prices. Come by this ring of obviously shit cut glass for like 500 gold or a please would you not take this amulet of warding and protection?

Scammers. Scammers. Yeah, they do sound pretty awful. Yeah. But our reserved judgement. The the, you know, we're always here to help the less fortunate, but sometimes it's just people being nasty, nasty, nasty people. Dirty, smelly paws. And other physicists, they come and go, demanding money and wine and threatening to put hexes upon anyone who doesn't pay up. Hexes. The yesterday, the Duchess ordered several guards to scare them away, but they they couldn't get the job done. When the guards returned, they spoke sympathetically about the visitors.

It seemed as if the guards had been magically charmed. We'll see if we can go and remove them from the gate if that's if that's what we need. Yeah, yes, I. Seems we're going probably going that way out of the city anyway. Yeah, you any idea of where this?

I. Honestly, I didn't ask.

Excuse me a second. We need

the head east. How'd? You. Ask how'd you ask for a generalised location, Kala? Father Kaladam would have said Pray on it. OK. This was the this was the Dawnfather's mission from him to me, and now it is my mission to give to you. So if you want directions, you ask him you pray for.

Allow me a moment. I must pray to the dorm Father to divine where he wishes us to go. Of course I I don't leave the room, I just awkwardly stand in the corner with my hands in front of me and stare at the wall. Just phase out. Yeah, religion check then. Religion check. OK, 4 That's not actually very good with religion.

I'm more. Of a. I'm more of a tool of the dog father. Than a follower of his weight. I am. I am the bullet. I am the pistol, not the pistol ear. You grab your little little travellers prime book trying to find the right kind of prayer for litany to try and discern like a location or guidance can't find anything. So you just like pray. Pray with it in your hands and you do receive a quick vision. It's not that useful, but you do receive them. You see a compass spinning endlessly and then a ring and the a ring of smoke encompasses the like the outside of the compass and then it grows and then the smoke grows so thick that you can't see the base of the compass anymore, but you still see the that all the the needle points still spinning.

I think we should go and deal with these. Maybe I'll try praying on this later. I'm getting mixed messages. Of course, let's. Let's go see what's going on, yes? As you guys, you leave, you leave the, the, the the estate and on your way out of the on on on your way out of never went home. A little gnome is seen perched on a wall. He's got a little, he has a little fine dagger in his hand and he's like clearing the muck out from under his nails, but he's staring at the bonfire across the road from where he is.

Why do you have to do me dirty with a muck under my nails? What? The fuck? There's a there's. There's a a slight, very almost indistinguishable sneer on my face. I'm like. You watch me suck the dirt off the blade. Peasantry, you know. I'm like. Did you just throw up on your mouth a little bit? Oh, hello there, young my young friend Can can we help you? I. Thought I was just sitting there. You are just sitting there. Sorry, I thought you I wasn't listening. I was like, hang on, because I was. Definitely listening Would I know this?

Unfortunately, you have seen his face once or twice before. Unfortunately I have. And you have seen the drills face once or twice before. Yes, yes, neither of us fucking knows why, but. I'm I'm assuming in passing festivals. Yeah, like you've been around. Like times of congregation where like where the city has like physically. Come well, you've left your big fancy fucking house and come down to join the rest of us. And also because, you know, you've been on trial before and the Duchess kind of has to be part of those legal proceedings.

So you've seen her. I didn't. Sign on for that. Why is he making me a fucking criminal?

Have you just had a look at your background? No, I know I'm a criminal. That's a joke. I know. I know my background. I know what I'm doing right? So I'm staring at the crowd, but it's you've noticed me so. They, the guard didn't say how big the group of people was, just that there's a people outside. Like obviously it's the bonfire, but the first people that you come across was there's no on this war and you're like I. Walk up to the to the young man and I sort of like stand near him and watch the crowd as well.

I'm like, what the what have they been up to? Who wants to know? I mean, I was just asking you I. Don't know, I'm over here. Oh, I'm sorry. I, I, I, I thought you were, you were watching this, this group of outsiders, it seems they've gone with a reputation within the city. Do I know anything about them? I'm just checking because I currently I personally, podcast aside, no fuck all. Warrant. High rolling campaigns. Over 5? I don't know. Yeah, literally. You don't know, you've only been there for like about 1/2 hour, 45 minutes.

I for. For for what you have seen whilst you've been there, They've been very jovial. They're loud, they're rowdy, they're singing, they're dancing. Do I, do I know by name? No. OK. I guess I'll just call you criminal. I like, look you up and down with absolute disdain on my face and like flick my nail dirt at you. I. Just you know that. Brush my dress. You know that the that the crimes that listen David Judgement like had been accredited to has mostly been of a financial nature Pete thievery and con artistry.

Interest bit of pit pocket in Thief Snob. I couldn't think of anything that wasn't. Just I couldn't. Think of anything that wasn't just cunt. Walk over to the crowd of people. So you see a dozen men and women gathered around a crackling bonfire. The folk are in good spirits. A few of them sing and dance around the fire, while others find happiness in their flasks and wineskins. 3 barrel top waggons are parked at odd angles. Choke, choke, choke. Sorry. To a nearby tree grazing are half a dozen draft horses wearing bright coats with bangles and tasks.

Oh my God. Cute. Yeah, I, I go over to, I leave these two doing whatever the fuck it is they do. I sort of go raise my arms up, say, ah, blessings of the dawn, Father to you, my friends. How? How goes the day? One of the one of the one of the guy, one of the males of the group, he's sitting down by the bonfire and he's playing like like a tune on a flute. When you say Dawn father, he's kind of stops and he just stares over you for a couple of seconds. That's that's a really old name. When he gets up, he probably brushes himself down.

I am Ratka. Come welcome. Please sit. Sit down by. Sit down by the fire. I appreciate the hospitality. Thank you. Yeah. I take a secret log or whatever. What? What is the what is the occasion? You seem to be having some kind of party or servation. Here are. We find ourselves in good spirits. We always seem to have good tidings and good times when we are under the moonlight. It's an old home tradition. Oh, and where? Where would that home be? He begins to open his mouth and the old man, this old man comes from the one of the waggons.

Ratka, don't be so forth with these people. Ratka Me at least like shuts down an old. Man comes out Ratka, it's time to change my diaper. We are, but we are but just. We are a group of travellers trying to apply our wares and find business and freedom where we may find it. Why have you entered? Why? Why have you entered our camp? My my apologies, I did not mean to apply. I'm I'm a brother of the dorm father at the silver calibre, the the Chapel just in the town there and I, I noticed strangers yourselves and I I really was curious.

There have been a lot of people talking about your appearance in the town and I thought I'd come and see for myself. I dare say I'd, I'd heard, you know, if you don't mind me saying I've heard negative things, but you seem like a, a cheerful little one.

Oh, don't worry, we have. We have no wish to make make enemies of Lady Marwin, and we certainly do not wish any harm upon the people of your fine city. If they have asked you to tell us to move on, to shift us from this place, then I wish to make a deal, a bargain. If you will join me for a feast, I will tell you the story. If you listen, you will be gone by Dawn Can. I like inside that, see if it seems sinister in any way. Yeah, sure. Yeah, go ahead. OK. I'm going to guidance myself,

fuck. Can I? Can I also do an insight? Yes. Can I guidance you? Fuck, I'll take what's guidance. AD 4I I got a. 13. Can I just clarify that Alex's character looked me up and down, called me a criminal and then left? Yeah. I actually called you. I called you a thief and then left. Just checking. Yeah, absolutely. I.

Guess with Ted. 10 What do you got? 1313 Are you rolling insight on this? Do you have any? I'm not there. I'm sitting on the fucking wall. Oh, OK. Might want to come. Over. They came over, insulted me and then left. Why would I follow him? I know. OK. Nothing in that interaction made me feel like I should be with them. Yes, but thank, thank you again. I thank you for your hospitality. As as he welcomes, as he welcomes you in and he carts his hands tonight, these fine people are our guests. And he looks over to the he looks over to the gnome on the wall and he points.

And on this night, for our feast, there will be no outsiders, no side staggers come. Well, I thought he was telling me to fuck off. Like, no outsiders, off you go. You you're an outsider. Oh, hello, welcome. I guess I hop off the wall and sort of do my little gnome waddle over. They've got as you move it past, as you walk past the as you walk past the waggons, you do notice that there is a lot of like fine jewels. There's there's a lot of silver and a lot of like fine jewels, like half open bags and sacks like attached to the whole like like coming out of the waggons and attached to the horses as you'd like come over.

I like jewels. So Stanley, who's the the elder of this group, fills his mouth with with this foreign wine and he then spits it into the fire and the flames turn from orange to green as they dance and sway and the smoke front and the smoke rises to like a thick like fog, like just like high level and a dark shape appears at the bonfire score. And as this like beautiful magical like fire display happens, people are passing around like these this like large like metal tray of foreign meats. Like essentially it's like stuff from the steppe.

There's like there's glazed camel, there's horse there's like there's like rat there's. Like not hungry. Foreign like extremely like weird foreign foods, but it's like stuff that they like survive on. I'm not eating glazed horse. That sounds fantastic and like the, the, the seasonings and like the sauces that that have come that come along with the dish are all as just as exotic and strange as the meats on this tray. And the people now that you've like been welcomed in by the older, the people are like really oddly almost to a like cultish level friendly.

Like they are greeting like they're like snuggle that they snuggle down to you and they're like greeted you and they they, they make small talk as if they have known you their whole lives. Like they ask about age. What about marriage? When you're sitting down, isn't it time that you have kids? You look really thin and you're not eating right. You're like, how is life? How is job? How is work, You know? When I when I say I not only do not sit down, I stand at the edge and I stand dead eye as people sit.

And talk to me. Yeah, I feel like I'm on the outskirts, like giving off a do not come and talk to me vibe. But seeing as seeing as Ivan has sat down, there are kids like there are two kids that have like sat down like Poseidon and they're like snuggled in. It's so fucking. Weird. It's just like, ah, like safe, safe, safe, warm uncle.

I'm throwing bits of glazed horse at whatever your character's called. I'm concerned. About my. Pocket Malice. Your character's called Malice. My character's. I'm just flicking bits of glazed horse at Malice. Oh, we. Haven't.

Reduced ourselves yet? All I know is that she came. Well we have FIFA fucked up and she gets treated how she gets treated? What makes? You think I'm a criminal? Oh, this is what she calls you? I feel like it's your name. No. My apologies. For your name of Steve. I'm not just going to give you my name.

Apologies, I'm I'm having a a great. Time, I think I just want to be like listening out, like listening to conversations just look like I'm like taking a wonder. Told me you were going to tell me a story. And he like, he claps his hands and he like holds his hands over the the dark figure that's now appearing in the bonfire's court. We come from an ancient land whose name is long forgotten, a land of kings. Our enemies forced us from our homes. And now we wander the lost roads. And as he says, as he says roads the smoke like trails off down into the into down into like the wood.

The dark shape in the fire takes the form of a man being knocked from his horse, a spear piercing his side. One night a wounded soldier staggered into our camp and collapsed. We nursed his terrible injury and quenched his thirst with wine. And as he says wine, people pass around like this, big like this, like wine, like big wine skin. And everyone's like taking really generous, like, chugs out of it. He survived. And when we asked him who he was, he wouldn't say. All he wanted was to return home.

But we were deep in the land of his enemies, so we took him as one of our own and followed him back towards his homeland. His enemies haunted him. They said that he was a Prince, yet we didn't give him up, even when our assassins fell upon us. Like wolves, he says. Wolves, the smoke kind of like forms into like wolves heads. And you can, and you swear you can hear howling in the distance. This 4D theatre is amazing. Deep in the bonfire you see the dark figure standing up with stalled, drawn, fighting off a host of shadowy shapes.

This man of royal blood fought to protect us as we protected him. We brought him safely to his home and he thanked us. He said I owe you my life. Stay as long as you wish, leave when you choose and know that you will always be safe here. The figure down in the dancing fire vanquishes it's final foe and then disperses in a cloud of smoke and embers. Stellame's face becomes a sombre mask as the smoke dies down and all of like the magical effects in the story become like disappear. You feel like the night cold air like puts a bite and chill on you.

My character didn't listen to any of that, but he did go around picking everyone's pockets while they were paying attention. Oh my. God, well, slight of hand. Was that A6 or A9? No. Is it a six or a nine? That's. A. Six. OK, where's my slight of hand? It'd be text. Area 10.

Hang on, do I add the two you're? Having a nice. Barbecue, What are you doing? Why? Why are you stealing people's things? Rat me out, you haven't noticed. So did I get away with it? Unfortunately. You did. You're so.

Lucky fighting these hospitable people. No, because they have no idea that I picked their pocket. Yeah, apparently. I feel like you may be picked one person's pocket. They don't know. What the fuck was that? And then you stopped.

Walks off. You steal 20 pieces of gold. Motherfucker, these people are loaded. I'll be but. They were and a bottle of weird purple thick liquid. A curse has has befallen our noble Prince, turning him into a tyrant. We alone have the power to leave his domain. We've travelled far and wide to find heroes such as yourselves. To end our dread Lord's curse and put his troubled soul to rest. Our leader, Madame Eva knows all. Will you return to Borovia with us and speak with her? Can I do a a religion check or an insight check, see if I can divine if this is where the dorm father wants me to go?

Yeah, he says that. And I sort of like quietly think to myself, dorm father, it sounds, it sounds like the the destination you've tried to send me to is, is this correct? And I roll a 16. Stare into the fire and you close your eyes and you see the compass. You see that compass again and you see it spin. And then as it spins, it starts to emanate a like a like a like a grey glow. And then that glow goes up and then you see the Spire. You see this, this like this castle on top of a mountain overlook a village, but that thick that that thick fog, that thick smoke that formed like the outer ring that's still there.

And that it looks really similar to the smoke that the that Stanamere was playing with and he was telling the story. It would appear that this is where the dorm father wants you to go. Right. So nod thoughtfully. OK, yes, yes I will. I'll adventure to this part of yeah, and I'll see if I can assist with your clothes, my friends. I've come back round. Madam Enfield, I believe we have our destination and our course. Fabulous.

Oh goody. Oh. Great. I just love all these theatrics. Yes. Where is? Where is this Burrow here? From the forest to the east is it? Like a road or?

The lands is it is a journeys away. It will take us time to return to the lands. You may start walking any points towards the forest to the east. You may start by walking into the forests of the east. Follow the fog, follow the mist, follow the smoke, follow the place where the sun does not wish to go and you will find it. Or you may simply wait till dawn and travel with us. We have. We have space.

It feels necessary that we make track soon. Yes, if it's the land that the the sun does not travel to, it is my sacred mission to shine the dorm Father's light in the darkness. Feels like these people are in dire need some faster need I'm. Going to roll again, assuming that Will is still, yeah. I go, I go. Someone bring the thief. It might be good for the town not to have to deal with him for a while. I. Point at him as he's lifting a bag of coins out of a child's back pocket. Yo, are you coming with us or you staying with these people?

I continue my pickpocketing waste.

OK, good. 19 again, you were not. You were not caught. 15 pieces of silver, A silver chalice and three more bottles of this thick pink, sorry, thick, thick purple potion. Yeah. My friend, if you're quite finished, like give him the eye like I know what you're doing. The lady and I, we've been given a sacred permission by I go out to the dorm. Father, we are going to head to this butter that these people speak of. Are you willing to come with us? I'm sure there will be a look at the bag of money.

You stole it from a child's pocket. I'm sure it'll be fine, Rituiz. Opportunities. Opportunities along the way. Why would I? Why would I go with you? Just a thought sort of what reasoning would I have Sort. Of the game because. Maybe because you've run this place dry, or you're thieving and. Then somewhere else I will come on one condition. It seems to me that your, your name, your face is known in this city is a city of a million faces, and yet your face stands out with notoriety. And I'll be honest.

Something wrong with notoriety mate. I I suspect if they find people at this camp discover what it is you have been doing, you may you may regret it. I'll I'll come on that one condition. I want an apology from Nunini calling me thief. That's not my name. I am just stating the truth. Yes, I I don't want to cause conflict or whatever. You can, you can. Your opinion is that I'm a thief. My opinion is you're a bitch. Does it make it true? There's someone Shane, and there's a FIFA bar. This old lady.

Though with. Like Milky Eyes is. Like a toe punter and the Fanny and run. Easy to say.

We don't take Carly Duck leaves around here. No, I assure you if we come across anything they will be dealt with harshly into the full extent of. I will come with you if I get my apology. I can't be more clearer than that. She's looking anywhere but you. I feel like you're going to need my skills considering I'm sure and you've seen what I could do, so why? Would I need to steal? So you'll come with us then? If I get my apology, OK. Look. I was just showing that we've got matching dice, yeah. Lady in the field, he's the thing.

The Dawnfather, he's he's all about bring bringing the light, a radiance to the darkness, about illuminating, about bringing joy and warmth, seeing the lights, so to speak. And I feel like bringing this young fellow along with us, we may be able to correct his path even I can see that he is he's wondering a dark roads at the moment and honestly just. He's just stood that picking his nose. You don't. You don't have to mean it. Just tell him you're sorry and then we can, we can move on. Because I'm, I'm concerned that they're going to assume that we're with him and they're going to realise they've been robbed.

Yeah. And then they're going to attack us, all of us together. And I've quite enjoyed the hospitality. I, I, I, I find them quite hospitable people. They've given me given us excellent wine, a wonderful dinner show and and they've also given us our heading directly or indirectly here. We go, yeah, sorry, just a thought. So be it.

Sorry. I wasn't actually meant to say it, but I was going to say thief. I'm sorry. I didn't I. Thief. I'm sorry, Thief. I'm. Sorry, I know that's I'm not saying that I'm maybe. You should ask his name. I go. I apologise for my rudeness. I don't think we've shut up, I don't think we've formally been introduced. I mean, any apology that comes with, I know this from being married to Carl, who every time he says he's sorry is laughing. At the same time he's if I say that really hurt my feelings and I need you to apologise, even then, his natural reaction is to just laugh at me.

I, I put my hand out and I, I, I say it's very real estate.

Mal Enfield, I look at your. Hand I look up at you because I'm a gnome yeah, and I'm. Like a normal size? Yeah, sorry. I'm a normal. I'm a normal. Sorry, I'm like I'm like 5 foot something. I take your hand, I shake it and I say Shady I. Put my hand in the. Middle fitting. Yvonne.

I want to be a part of this too. I shady. Yvonne Shady. Yvonne Shady. Yvonne, thank you. Will be shady. Why are we? What? My name? Your name is shady. My name is Shady Slim will be Shady. Will will be shady. Yeah, Will, my middle name is begins with B. If physical meeting is so much more complicated, it needs to be your name is shady will be. No. Yes, my last name is Shane. You know, when they're like, the name's Jones. Jim Jones. Preferably not a Jim Jones, because I'm pretty sure that's the fucking cult leader.

Yeah, Yeah. But. That where you went to, you're going to use your own fucking. Name, for Christ's sake. I know because that's what. Yeah, but you know what I mean? So he's like, my name's shady. Will be shady. OK. The same way your name is Dan Kill. My name is Ivan Dan Kill. No. Yes, but I always introduce myself as a bomb. That's your problem. What? No problem. I I feel like we're going to have some communication issues. Should we get out of this camp? Yes, I. Well, they figure out what you've been up to.

You can call me Will or you can call me Shady, but if you call me B, I'll kill you. What? Fascinating. Yes. I don't like you. Moving on. To the What are you doing with this stuck up bitch? She's been a science to assist me in my mission that I've been granted by the Dawn Father. That will sound very unfortunate for. You. Yes, Well, I I take great pressure in carrying out the work of the Dawn Father, and you should count yourselves lucky to be to be part of his breast. I have no idea who he is. It may come as some shock to you, but I'm poverty stricken and I live on the fucking St. Not with the amount of.

Gold, you've been taking fucking out. Shut up. You just don't. Like 6 people salary. You don't know that you didn't see. Fine insight, OK. And this is not a quiet, just so you know. This is not a quiet conversation you guys are having. Yeah. Yeah, we didn't. Keep on, keep on screaming and shouting about the fact that there are thieves and robbers and this person's done it. What happens? It's 15 the. Dorm Father. You might be slightly aware that I still think the. Dog Father is is a generous God by carrying out his work with you, believed you were meant to be or not.

He will reward you. But we do need to leave this camp. Yeah, we need to go now, because if I've noticed, if I've noticed you stealing, more people might have. There, she said. They would leave if we listened to that story and we listened to that story. Oh no, they can't see my face, but I'm pulling a very unimpressed face. Like fuck's sake. Let's go. Let's we'll hit the road. Oh shit, here we go again. I bow to the camp. Perhaps we'll see you on the road. If not, we'll see you in Borovia. Borovia.

Enjoy the rest of your festivities you. Will not be enjoying us. We have the room, we have space. We intend to. We set. The yeah be the hasty part. It sounds like your your home is in need. I'd rather not keep them waiting. Paul. He goes into his backpack. He reaches around for something that isn't there anymore. Because it was stolen.

I swear I had the bottle. I swear I had the bottle. The potion that would protect you from the fog.

Protect. Excuse me, just.

Well. I just missed that last look.

The. Fog. Yes, From the frog. From the fog. What's wrong with it? Madam Eva knows all. She will answer your questions when you get the. But we have to go through the fog to get there. Yes, fascinating. OK, OK, well, I guess we'll just wait for some fog, yeah? So. I will drink the potions that we don't have now. Yes, I've got them. How loud are you saying?

Oh I'm not, I'll whip him out as and when I need to, but I will use it to get something from these two. You leave the you leave the outsiders behind and you follow his loose instructions. You go E into the woods after a few hours of travelling. You guys going to get tired. The woods are quiet at this night. The air grows chill, you bent down to make camp for the camp for the night. Your fire sputters as a low mist gathers around the edges of your camp, going closer as the night wears on. By morning, the fog hangs thick in the air, turning the trees around you into grey ghosts.

You wake up in the morning, you are surrounded by a thick grey fog. The trees are not the same trees that you guys made camp with the night before. And there we end session one of the cast of Strad. What? What are these trees? Different? Woo Yay woo. Strad, I mean woo. Basically I got insulted and kidnapped. Who? Knows who knows if the rewarding works. Yeah. Yeah, I hope it does. OK who I am going to kill first stride or will be shady I know where my. Well, I feel like. Save it for the the show, save it for the role, for concentration.

Maybe one day we'll record a bunch of those. Oh my God, yeah. Role for concentration. You have to. Listen to each episode together and then. Coming back, yeah, that'd be fun. Yeah, that'll be good. We'll do that at a later date. The. Patreon thing for anyone ever listens? Yeah, now that, well, we can make, we can make the episodes and then save. Them. Yeah, once we get ahead of. Yeah, a schedule, yeah. To do that, we're going to need to stop this. And record another one. So. So yeah, thanks very much for listening everyone.

Like, comment and subscribe to our Spotify up in Carl. This is my party. Hi. Thank you for. Bye. The opposite. Thank you for. Start again the whole thing. Thank you for Dming. Yes, yeah, yeah, you're welcome. Yeah, cool. Did you honestly just do a little anime? Yes, I did.

Yeah, Yes, I did. Yeah, cool. I married such a loser. Only now does she realise she married a weeb. Is up on sixo9d&[email protected] Yep, or whatever our Instagram is. Maybe I'll link that in the. Channel, we now don't need audio equipment, we just really desperately need like subscribers and followers. And listeners enjoy our course stories. We weren't asking for money for the next 4 episodes. We promise. I might. You went for a phase of asking like every fucking episode anyway. Yeah, for charity.

Fuck it. Up but the charity wants to help him beat his wife. Yeah, it was a good charity. Charity run by Stella. Yeah, yeah, Stella, Right. There's Stella. Antoine White versus charity. Fat, bold men who aren't happy with the terrible choices they made in their lives. You win a deceased wife wrapped in an England flag. The.

Nicest thing she's ever warned Was that England flag going to be coming here? They're like, my England flag will keep the Muslims away and I'm like, yes, because you're a danger to society, that's the only reason. Also, why would they want to come and visit your little house in a back street of Stowmarket? Like, who are you? It's the rage. It's not relevant. Bye, bye no. Goodbye guys. Bye. You can edit it.

It's easier to turn you down than to anyone.

Love my marriage. I fucking told you so.

Campaign 2 - The Curse of Strahd

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