Agents of P.I.S.S. 1: Breakout

Hello Craig. That's fun.

I'm going pretty fucking. I wasn't expecting it. I'm actually just going to just get rid of his face because I don't like it. The way it. Looks like Craig alone. Just another piece of technology that's assaulting me. I'm. Done. So I've been doing. A damn good job at it. I've been assaulted. I've had my privacy removed by Microsoft. They've been asking me for years to install the latest version of Windows and I have refused. And then I turned my computer on today and I've got a new version of Windows on my laptop now.

They waited until late at night and I wasn't looking and assaulted me. We gave you the option to do it yourself, but you didn't do it. Yes, apparently no means waiting to sleep. So you know, we did it for you.

Yeah, where's my? I put my early on because it was cold in here but I'm already warm.

That always happens with an early.

See now that is why I I just used the duvet in the bed. Right. Yeah, I think we're good. So yeah. Ready. No, I. Think so. Yeah, damn, these LE DS are, well, powerful. But you know what's not powerful?

Hello and welcome to us at six or nine.

Hello, and I'm with the DND podcast made by idiots. My name is Matt Corp and I'm here with Carl Nicholson. I'm playing Baryonyx, not Balsalis. And aubergine sugar. Oh, I like that. I sound like one of the Strawberry Shortcake people. Yeah, but what? I don't know what that is. It's. Let's not worry about it. OK, good. I am playing. I am playing Ren or Larry. OK, that was actually a complete surprise to me. Yeah, it's all new to you because I completely forgot to tell anybody about my character. Yes, so there are a couple of things that people may have noticed.

Firstly, I didn't introduce Maria. Secondly, our voices probably sound a bit weird and like they're being used in a chat room. It's because we are recording on Discord. As you mentioned in our last episode, Maria was undergoing some surgery. She is adamant that she is fine. I'm that she can't walk at the moment. So we're going to do a little like side arc thing without her just so we've still got something to do. So this is like a little like a little series of essentially one shots that I wrote for Roof that we played one V1.

I think. I don't think it was even an excuse to do something when COVID was happening like this is before like Sam was born. So this was written probably about eight or nine years ago.

I built, it's set within the like world of Paratheon that I was in, slowly piercing together in my mind at the time. So has Maiden, the great fortress city at the gate of Erebus, founded by Aries, and he found a series of springs there. The old city sits atop a hill with a sloped southern flank at a sheer northern face offering a commanding defensive position overlooking the gap in the border mountains that lead to Cadies Panatheons on again off again rival. Over the years the city sprawled down the southern face of Aries.

Watch the name of the mountain and out onto the surrounding plains. Now the lower city is ringed by a formidable wall of dark greystone. The Old city at the top of the hill is made of the same dour stone as the city walls. It's mighty temples and grand municipal buildings typify the city's heart, Doubt strong, brooding. The lower city, however, is a twisted maze of ramshackle slums, crumbling high rises and criminal dens. Gangs rule the streets. Prime is a currency as much as gold is. If the Old city represents the heart of Casmaiden, the lower city is the soul.

Wicked, festering, dark. While the city guard fear going into the lower city, intelligence agents find it fertile ground for gathering Intel. However, the streets are dangerous and threat lurks in every shadow and around every corner. But it is where you have made your name. So this is the first episode of Agents of Piss. Insert insert theme tune.

I'm going to play it on this. Oh shit, yeah, OK, a friend at work, a friend at work went to Thailand and he brought me back one of those wooden frogs where you rob it and it makes noise. So that's going to be make the theme tune on that. Anyway, hello and welcome to Agents of Piss. You guys are Piss agents so introduce your characters. Oh, who's first? My my anaesthetic is dog shit by the way. Well, well, Carl figures out where his dice are. Why don't you introduce Ren? Hold. On, hold on. They're all individuals and like, like, they're like planets inside them.

Gorgeous.

These are really pretty but. Now. OK, sounds clearer. Yeah, it sounds a lot better do that, whatever that was. Carry on with that. I'm using my actual. I don't it's it automatic when I connect my headphones it automatically connects it to speak through my headphones. And. I've just changed it back to my mic. Cool. OK, so Ren Ren is a high elf paladin. She is a very broad, tall bitch and we love her. She is quite serious. She has come from a family of soldiers who are, what do we call it, like military royalty.

It's it's, it's very, it's ingrained in our blood to be the best soldiers we possibly can be. She she's got very stern face, like cropped hair, like gleaming, perfectly put together uniform and a fuck off great axe. Nice. Sorry about that, I just had to unpack all my dices because they're individually wrapped. We love the use of plastic. Yes, introduce baryonics. All right, I am Baryonics Aurelius. I am a Topaz Dragonborn. My class is Ranger. My subclass is Dragon Drake Warden from the the Frisburn's Treasury of Dragons.

It's Rake Warden in real life. The I know I am a city guard from Casmaiden when I was young. When I was younger, set roughly around 5 to 10 years before this takes place, I captured a thief who was able to bargain for his freedom by giving me a dragon egg. And that's how I became a Drake warden. When the little bit it was more like, it was more like a meeting, a meeting like a meeting of similar interests, shall we say. He didn't want to go to gaol. I wanted the big gold thing that he had in his hands.

Real quick, this is set weeks before the start of the campaign. Oh, so the king is still alive? The king is still alive. I am just a city guard who is a Drake warden and I have a pet dragon. And my pet. Dragon's name is Idolom. Idalon, that's so cute. I need to get another notebook. Shit. Yep. And Idalon is a is a Topaz is a Topaz dragon, which means narcotic damage. Whoa, what?

I I also have this all on D&D Beyond which I always feels 10 times easier. To. Keep track of everything, but it does mean that I was very limited on what I could be, which is fine because I'm not buying the books on here as well. No, that's the same. So I am I am I am the Oath of Devotion, by the way, just in case anyone cares. Paladins are all same, you're a vengeance Paladin is slightly different, but otherwise it's all good. It's all very in the same realm. Yeah, right. Yes. Good. So Ren and Baryonics, So you were both piss agents working in the city of Kasmaydam.

It was big. I imagine it to be kind of like Edinburgh. Everything's kind of like very much on a hill. It's all big big fancy buildings made of dark grey and brown stone. It's all kind of. It's in the north, so it's kind of grey and cloudy all the time. Very atmospheric. You said. The city is built essentially on top of this big hill, big Cliff face face, sort of facing the gate of Erebus, which is the gap in the mountains that leads to Cadie's, which is where Cadie's invaded through in the war that made Blutianus what he is today because he's alive.

You're OK. We did. We did have we did. I don't know if you want this information now, but we did discuss how we know each other. OK, yeah, go for it. How did you guys meet? Well, I am. I basically got stuck, not stuck, that's me, but I got given baryonics. I'm like the superior. So it's almost like a shadow deal. Is that what we agreed? Piss agents came to Cosmidon to start making sure Cosmidon was still on the level. And Ren was like my superior. She was the one who was like yes, if you pass this series of tests you can be a piss agent for like real.

Like this is like my idea was like this is an initiation into like piss. Yeah. So this is this is your initiation mission. This is this is how you get your your stripes if you pull this off so. Is there, is there a level of sorry, I'm just law here, but is there like levels of like obviously you get like soldier and then like commander or whatever, but like that? Yeah, there definitely is. Yeah, yeah. I, I think I'm I'm I'm, I think because of my back story I'm probably higher up, but not. Yeah, you're, so you're, you're a field agent.

So field agent is like, you're not one of the like bods in the back offices. That is like working out and taking the Intel and figuring out what it all means. You're out there collecting Intel. You are fighting bad guys. You're, you know. Yeah, I'm definitely you're. Doing the mission, you're James Bond. You are, Archer. You are, you know. OK, that's good. Money Penny or Cyril. So yeah, you have been sent on a mission in into the bowels of the lower city of Casmiden. So where the upper city sitting at the top of the hill is this big fancy stone built model F of a city.

The lower city sort of sprawled out around the bottom of this big mountain is all like ramshackle wooden slums. Imagine like ancient Rome. So it's 567 Storey buildings all made out of wood, but it's all like it was a five Storey building. Some people needed somewhere to live, so they just built another shed on top of it and then another shed on top of that. It's all not up to code whatsoever. Love that it's pretty dangerous. And then like mix that with a bit of like Victorian. So it's all it's dark, it's grimy, everyone is up to something bad.

There are obviously the majority of people are just trying to live their lives, but it's hard to avoid all of the criminal gangs, all of the organised crime. There are big, big gangs. There's the the Red Hawks, there's the Immortals, there's, you know, all these gangs that control different parts of the city or different parts of the same part of the city. So if you've got like the Warehouse District, there's the east bit of the Warehouse District belongs to the Immortals and the South Park belongs to someone else.

So it's complicated and it takes a lot of like know how to get used to it, but that's what you do. You specifically today have been ordered to track down an informant who you've recently lost contract with. The contact Harry Testicles is key to the piss is understanding of what the immortals were doing due to his place as a middling crew member within the immortals gang. Three days ago, however, he's gone quiet. You've been able to discern his location, a fortified safe house in the North End of town.

The building is well placed defensive structure, so a head on assault or sneaking in would have been out of the question. Instead, you've contrive to plan to get yourself captured deliberately by asking too many loud questions, sort of outside so that people overhear you and you have been captured by some of the gang members and dragged inside. And that is where we are now. Did we roll initiative? Yeah, I got an 18. Oh shit, I have not rolled. Hold on go. Hey, not 20, OK? Baryonics you like, you are outside this like sort of fortify.

It's basically a warehouse that they've built a fence around and it's got guards and you guys are kind of arguing about like who you think is using this building and what for And some gangsters have come out. Put a bag over your head, punched you in the ribs a few times and dragged you into the building. They pull the bag off of your head and you're in a cell and you're like just you've been thrown into this dank cell, cold stone walls all round you. You've just been thrown onto this rickety chair and a guy has like knees you in the ribs and he's just like, what the fuck do you want?

What the fuck were you doing out there? Oh. I'm sorry I I was under the impression that this is the girl sculpts Guild. Fuck you, he punched you in the face. I'm sorry about my companion, He loud mouth. A loud mouth. Goes over to you, he just like leans down in front of your face. You got nothing to say. Holds up a. Dagger kind of like what? OK, Yeah, All right. We're going for another arm strike. OK. Advantage, question mark, Surprise attack. Yeah, I'll give you a surprise for that. That is 1718192021222324 to hit.

Go, I guess straight. Oh, at least you have any other update That's just be. Yourself. Oh it's just, it's just five. I just do 5 damage fucking. Hell. OK, great. It's cracking in the face. OK, Roll initiative. 13. 19. And you'll roll it disadvantage we still. Got 1419 was my highest. OK, right. So Barry Onyx first, they're kind of like thrown you in this chair. They haven't like searched you or anything yet. They literally threw you in this chair in the cell. I assume we're tied up. Nope, they literally like beat the crap out of you, put back over your head and they like dragged you.

What a weak operation. They are. It's the first come on. This is setting out that you guys are bad asses scene. Yeah. You know you guys are really bad at this because you really should learn to disarm people. I pull out my my hand crossed by and I take a shot at the guy's knee and that is a fuck. I love these dice. There's another nut 20 I am using Puncture. Once per turn when you hit a creature with an attack that deals piercing damage, you can re roll the attacks damaged dice. You must use the new roll and I will also be using the enhanced critical.

When you score a critical hit that deals piercing damage to a creature, you can roll one additional damaging die when determining the extra piercing damage that the target that target takes. Now he's going to die from a shot to the knee. I do not need to use puncture, that is 10 points of piercing damage. Yeah, he's dead. He was just a bandit. He's dead.

Excellent. Just drags him across the fucking the floor and just pins his leg into the wall. He's trying to be all intimidating, but it's clearly like a 19 year old who's just been like, they're like fuck him up a bit and maybe like scare them and then rend his face and you shoot him. Wow. Yeah. Jesus. So you kill him pretty much instantly. You were just in a cell. Like, literally, they've dragged you to what seems like a basement, right, And thrown you both in this room and started like this. This was clearly like an amateur has been trying to intimidate you, but it's fucked it up.

The door is open. There's nothing to stop you leaving. Fabulous. I get up. I brush down my, my armour, my, my, my uniform. Are we, Are you ready, Barry Onyx? I do you prefer Barry Onyx or just the whole name? I am not Barry Onyx Aurelius, I am Sun. Scale. I'm not going to call you your full name, That's too much. Cultural appropriation As a Dragonborn, you will you will associate. You will address me by my full name and title. Oh shit. You will be Barry, OK.

Regardingly, I accept this. A moral conundrum as you consider the ethics code book in the employee guide, but also the field guide that tells you you need to be able to communicate quickly and efficiently. Fuck.

It's fast, it's fine. That was already a sun scale. What lookout? Dead shit.

I guess we should go and find anybody else. Yeah, so you are looking for your contact from within the Immortals gang, whose name is Harry Testicles. So yeah. Dammit. You look out, there is. Just a sort of a corridor that sort of turns to the right in front of you. There doesn't appear to be anyone in there. You can roll a perception check or you can just Mosey on down there. Should we perception check it just to just to just to keep an eye out? Yeah. Well, looks like I see dog shit. I have proficiency in Perception.

I got 13 No not. Bad. Nice, that one. Barry Onyx Aurelia sunscreen was looking out the window, which is like a set of bars 6 foot off the ground jumping up trying to. Look out the window, Barry Onyx has got like misty eyes from where I refuse to call you by your full name. I'm still enraptured by my hand crossed by like this is. This is like a week. I just annihilated that guy. Should we carry on? With a 13 at least you, you look at and there was just like a dark corridor and then at the end there's like a sort of flight of stairs that goes up and you're quite cool.

So like it feels like you're in a cellar. There's a flight of stairs that goes up and then like there's light coming down from the top of the stairs. Do we hear any voices or anything? That was a 13, no? No. Fair enough. Please, as this is your initiation, you may lead the way. OK. Oh, actually, maybe I should because you're range. I mean, I'm. Sorry, that what? Are you capable of like, fighting in close quarters? I produce my war pig.

Fantastic. Fantastic dog. Such a bleak weapon. Fucking big axe. It's lovely, no? Hammer big fuck off. Pick on the on the end of it. Love it so. You're just going to walk down the corridor? Yeah. And go to the door. Yeah. Cool. Open the door. Roll for still. No checking. If I can peek like open the door a crack. OK, yeah, make a a stump check. Oh, that's much better. Thank you very much. In fairness, after 2 Nat 20s you kind of deserve that Nat one. Yeah, yeah, that's right. It's good to create a sense of balance.

19. Yep, that's pretty God damn stealthy. You peek through the door and what you see is essentially like like it's like a Guild hall dotting hall type thing. Like long tables with sort of ropey looking stools and dining chairs. It looks more like it's been appropriated for this is like how it's meant to look and then around it there's just like some dudes make make an inside check or history check as you look at these guys armours. 21. 3020. So they're all wearing like leather armour and stuff like with like patches on it.

They all look a bit sort of like rough. They all have on their shoulders this like hastily drawn. It's like red sort of bird kind of like on like a German flag or whatever. That's what like 2 wings spread out when its head turned to the side, there's this red like bird picture on their shoulders. So you guys know from your work Pierce that these are red Hawks. This is like specifically the gang which kind of knew anyway specifically you see there's four guys like bitch looking guys like the guy you just murder aid.

So just kicking back. They got their feet up on the table. Some of them are drinking, some of them are eating and then there's like one guy at the far end. He looks a bit more sort of like like Chunky who see he's all like sitting on his own and he's just like counting like stacks of money and he looks a bit more important, but they're all just sort of like chatting amongst themselves. I pull the door closed again and I look up. Wren, didn't you say that this is an Immortal Star post? It is supposed to be what?

The fuck are the RedHawks doing here? I say we find out. Keep the big one alive. OK. And more question then. I have a plan. OK. Go with you on this. This is your mission initiate. I start to tense the muscles in my throat and this and the scales underneath my underneath my chin begin to like glow like a sickly lime green yellow. And I open the door and I cast my my necrotic breath in a 30 foot line I assume. I assume. I assume we're like like 5 or 10 feet away from like the table. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll say you do that. If you shoot, there's because there's one table where these guys like hanging out and then there's one where this guy's on his own. If you want to shoot at the table where the guys are all hanging out, I'll let you just like shoot across the table and just get all of them. Yeah, OK. OK, I assume they make a save. This is a This is Necrotic breath decks saving throw. Oh my fucking God that is atrocious. That is a 6A5A4 and A1. All four of these dice are going away. I knew I knew I picked the right partner.

Oh, the funds just getting tired. They take 10 points of necrotic damage. It's very nice. It's the fucking door and just bits a glob of something bad across the table. And all of these guys, just like Wither, they all have one hit point left.

And and I have extra attack. Oh, OK. Well, shit. Well, that worked really well. Roll Initiative. 17. Well, sake. Are these guys all still going after you? Would you, shall I go to the big guy and like grapple him so he's not going to do anything? Are you good with these or do you want to attack these guys first? Grapple him because it works well with what I'm about to do. Cool. That's alarming. Cool, Ren, you're up first. OK, I'm going to charge into the room, go straight for the big guy and grapple.

The cool grapple check. 19 plus God damn it I've got 17. OK. Yeah. So. You grapple them. I had like it was like 28. It's a fucking Barry. Onyx kicks the door and spits venom or whatever across the table. Everyone just is like what the fuck? And then? Fred and Charles I I just Spears going. I go behind him, I grab whatever hair he has on his head, pull it up, get my great axe and hold it up against his neck. Whoa, what the fuck? Cool, you can watch. Your friends die and I turn him towards him. Holy shit.

I pull out my hand crossbow and I take a shot at the nearest in the nearest guy at the table, 15 to hit. Yep, he's dead. He didn't have to roll, he's just dead. That's so fun. And then and then on my second turn, do we have any windows here? Are there any windows in this little? Yeah, make a perception check. Yeah, it's 19. Yes, there are a few. Sort of like small windows, like high up. I say small like regular windows. They're not. I point, I point to, I point to like a little window. My eyes flash bright yellow idle on to me and the window mashes through as this mastiff sized yellow dragon crashes into the room.

That's crazy.

My Drake companion has been summoned. Well, it's pretty fucking sick. In combat, the Drake shares your initiative count, but it takes its turn immediately after yours. It can move and use its reaction on its own, but the only action it takes on its turn is the Dog Dodge action, unless you take a bonus action on your turn to command it to take another action. I think they changed this with the new range of Beastmaster so that it just attacks on its own, so we'll go with that. So just it has a passive ability called infused strikes.

When another creature within 30 feet of the Drake that it can see hits a target with a weapon attack, the Drake infuses the strike with its essence, causing the target to take an extra 1D6 necrotic damage. The type damage is determined by the true draconic essence. Cool, so in Corsic. For example, if Ren were to attack and Idalon saw her attack, he would infuse her ability and then give her a one extra 1D6 narcotic damage. OK, that's beautiful. Cool. Anything else?

No, it does not have. Funny enough it doesn't have a breath attack, it just has bite. 5 is going to buy it but they're. They're at one HP. 13. Yeah, 13 hits. Yeah, idol on idol on turns and then looks at one of the injured guys at the end of the table and just bites down on those guys neck he's. Dead fucking. Yeah. Drag it down. Yeah, he's dead. That's the two guys that are on the left. That's Barionics's turn. The two guys that are left at the side of the table are going to try and attack. Well, they weren't going to go for Barionics, but yeah, they're going to go for Barionics.

Five and a one. Hang on the nine hit. Oh sorry, just an 8 hit. I didn't swipe my AC down. And eight doesn't hit you, I don't care about. My AC it doesn't do not know. Figure that out while I finish this round and in a. Room. You're on the 12. 8 doesn't hit, that is the captain, they're just going to try break out of the grapple 15 to make an opposed check. 18. OK, Yep, he's still grappled. Hey, what the fuck? I don't think so. Hey, whoa, hey, hey, whoa. OK, Ren, your turn. I think I'm just going to start trying to get information while Barry deals.

With parties. Are yeah, roll, roll to intimidate. I guess I'll let you do that advantage because you've got an axe to their fucking throat.

We don't fuck around here or we do. We fuck around and we find out. OK.

That's a Nat. Did the fighting out stage I think. That's a Nat 20. So I go, I go, we're looking for someone and you're going to tell us where and then maybe I won't kill you. OK, that sounds great. Fine, fine by me. And I, I, I say we're, we're looking for Harry testicles,

even though how, how difficult it is for me to say that. I say it with gritted teeth. Yeah, he kind of like, he's kind of like got his hands like on the table, like he like really slowly lifts one hand and points to the door on the other side of the room. You get through the door and you dig a dig a right it is. You go up the stairs. They're at the top of the stairs. OK, who's they? Is it just Harry or is there more? No, there's a couple of boys with him. There's a couple of boys with him. Brilliant.

And then I'm going to kill him. OK, Rota hit. I guess advantage because he's grappled. I am going to, I'm going to take my great axe, swing it out and go for a hit in his style. You know, that feels like a Health 50 violation swinging. Towards himself, yeah. But I I know my weapon. OK, that's a 24. Oh, here. Yeah. So that's 13. Yep, yeah. Still alive. Yeah. Yeah, fantastic. So I'll do my second attack.

OK, That is a fucking 25. Yeah, that hits. Yeah, fantastic. That's an 89101112 12 damage.

Yep, they're just about hanging in there. Oh. I gave you what you wanted. I know what the problem is. Wow. I couldn't keep you alive, could I? He said you was going to keep me alive, He said if I gave you the information, you were going to keep me alive. And in our line of business, how many lies do you hear? Quite a lot I guess. Yeah, exactly so. Fuck. It's unfortunate really, people so easily. Do we actually need them alive? I've not fed idle on today and. No, get rid of them all. Less of them on the street.

I look, I look towards, I look towards idle on and I just give them the nod. It's feeding time. Role to attack. We are the most cold blooded bitches ever.

It really sets up the you guys are bad asses though, which is good. OK, that hits. There were four guy I killed 1 and then. There's two dogs. One so let's do that. OK, so Idol on goes to the other guy the on the table and then bites into him, rips out, rips out a large piece of me. I don't need to more damage one HP. He's already dead. Yeah, he's dead. He knows. He's dead. And then with my bonus turn I take AI, take a shot with my hand crossbow 17 that hits. Yep, he's dead. And he's. So it's just a big guy left, he's going to try bust out.

Oh. Please try. He wrote a 22 to break out. 20 Wow, it's a shame. Even if he does, he's not getting far. That's impressive 23. Gets out, he breaks out. Oh no, 22 he doesn't break out. You little, you little over your head, but you can't get out. Here's your toe. Great. I'm good. Wait. Don't kill him. Don't kill him. Find out why the Red Hawks are here if this is immoral territory. You have one more chance to stay alive. No, Sir, I trust you. Yeah, I wouldn't. What? What are you doing here? Why are you an immortal in an immortals safe?

House an intimidation check. Yeah, I probably should have asked before. Yeah, fucking 201718 and 23 get. Terrified, we was invited. Invited for what purpose? I think the immortals have maybe got a mall or something, you know, I think, I think maybe somebody's plotting something. Someone's plotting something not very kind. Of no, I'm just some guy. Can I can I roll a history check? I know it's not like my turn, but can I roll like a history on inside check? Yeah, what are you, history inciting? Whether or not the like the history between the Red Hawks and the Immortals, like if they've been warring recently, 18th.

Yeah, so the Red Hawks and the Immortals are like mortal enemies. So the Immortals, otherwise known as the Athanasiah, are run by gang leader Mac Athanese. And he, but he's he's like the kingpin of the Immortals. And the Immortals are the biggest gang. There's lots of like, small gangs around the city. The only one that's ever really, like, challenged them for any kind of supremacy whatsoever is the Red Hawks. That's so dope. Why would the Athanasiah be coming to you with a trade deal you've been worrying for the last few years?

I don't know. Like I said, they've obviously got like a mole or a leak or something, and I'm just some guy, OK? We probably should find someone a little higher up to give us better information. This one seems useless.

Well, I mean, look, completely useless, I gave you a lot of information, am I right? Not enough. Oh oh fuck, are you attacking him? How much am I allowed to ask how much HP he has left? No. OK, OK, I'm going to. I'm going to pull him out, get me great. I just like, smack his head into my car.

Jesus prior to here advantage because he's grappled. I got a gnat 1 and a 19, so 1926. Yeah, that's a 91011121313 damage. No quartic. No quartic. Oh. Yeah, basics.

That's another five necrotic. Yeah, he's dead. Yeah. I mean an axe to. The silent man do that and I I dislodge his head from my great axe and just throw him to the floor. Wow, OK, Idealong goes over and starts just lapping up the blood. Look, this bitch got brought up in a really violent family. This was encouraged. Go. So they are dead. So you are just in this dining hall with a bunch of dead bodies. Some of them look incredibly with it. Now you do like. A I do a quick perception just to see if there's any cheeky bit of gold or something like that, you know?

Well, he was counting gold on the on the desk. See how much they're in 13141516171818 yeah. Like you go over and he's just got like sacks of coins and there's about 25 gold worth of like various currency in there. Perfect. I I pop, I I pocket 13 and I give. Just keep it as one part. Why do we confuse ourselves? Like, oh, OK, I'll keep the money. I have the money. I will. Don't worry about the money. I've got the money. Fine. Don't worry if you need to buy any chocolates, I'll let you have some. You go out and so yeah, you leaving the room, going to go and find.

Yeah, yeah, we've got upstairs. Cool. Yeah. So you go out of like there's a double door at the other end of the room. You go out there and then the corridor split immediately splits left and right. The guy told you to go right. Right is up a flight of stairs and there's like a door at the top of the stairs. Baryonyx, I don't know the rest of your name, sorry. Do you want to do your? It's not that I haven't learnt it, I just haven't written it down so I generally don't remember it. Ionix Aurelius.

Sunscale. Aurelius Aurelius. Either one. Kind of like sits and crosses its arms.

Barry, would you like to? See.

Would you like to sneak the door again to see what I doing? He told me that there were a few other people in there with Harry. Let's have a Peaky. Let's have a quickie. Cheeky Peaky. It's looking good. 15 on Stealth. Go yeah, there's two dudes in there. There's one guy that's like on a rack. He's like stretched out, he's clearly being tortured. And then there's like 2 guys, 1 normal looking guy and one chunky looking guy. OK, I I do have, should we, should we like bust in there to get a surprise round?

I do have Cleve. OK, if you want to take the lead, you want to rush in. I would love. To put my hand crossbow hey and ready my my wall pick.

I'm going to bust the door down with my foot, charge in there and just start swinging. Great. And then we'll roll initiative one swing. I'm mixing all of the different surprise round rules from the different editions, but yeah. But do I get to use cleave? Yes, yeah, if you hit, I'll let you use cleave and then because you with the new rules, you then roll essentially a second attack. You just don't add your strength bonus to the second damage. 23 to hit. Oh, hit. Are you going for the sort of like slightly weedier looking guy or the tougher looking guy?

Yeah. Let's get rid of the weedier guy first. OK, you probably will, especially by everything that's happened so far. That's 14. Yep, that would kill him. Wonderful. And then I swing back round with my great axe. OK, so you wrote to attack again. It's just one big baseball swing. Yeah. Oh, that's a the next 20. Yeah, cool. Yeah. Oh.

Dear. Oh no. Well, that's a six and that's a 11/17. Really hurt him, Bariolix. Just like, OK, what? We're going to open the pocket. Very Onyx sprints behind Ren and then as soon as the great axe like swings past the second guy I jump up and raise my wall pick. That's 15 to hit. Yep. Ideal 6 points of piercing damage and five points of necrotic. Because idle on is right behind me, and that's something that Ren forgot. I fucking. Forgot again. Oh well, I will remember. OK, he's very nearly fucking dead.

After an axe to my. Chest and a pick to the face, do you? Have. Two attacks. I do have two attacks. He's so nearly dead. Just fucking take your attack. Just. 35 points, five points of damage total. Five points of damage total. I rolled A-17 to hit that's. Just enough to kill him. He's just dead. Wow and. Then yeah, there's just this guy on a rack. And I thought this was threatening. Oh dear. I. Found it pretty frightening. Look at a lie. Yeah, by the way. Quite at the same calibre, are you? Help me out I guess.

Yeah, I I start helping him out. Go undo his chains or his like. Wrist I I do like. Get ready to like, yeah, because. Flops over. Yeah. Flack, These guys are assholes, man. Who sent you? Cassius sent you. You've. Been missing for the past few weeks.

It took us ever to track you down. Roll an insight or history check on the name Cassius. So unnatural twinning. Cool. Cassius is the youngest. He's the youngest son of Macanese, the head of you immortals. Why would he have sent us? Well, I was hoping maybe he want me back, you know? We were sent by piss. Oh fuck, you guys are feds. I know, but we make it look good, don't you think? Yeah, you're fabulous, obviously. Just tilt my head ever so slightly and idle lunges raise up.

OK, well the these assholes, they rated what if one of our officers and I got I got caught up and they they brought me here. Rated. What if one of our one of the immortals. Immortals officers, Yeah. OK, do you know why?

He kind of looks like really like he's not supposed to tell you. I would rethink that idea. Thank you. RAW I guess a persuasion or an intimidation check or something. I'll do intimidation. Cool. Oh. My God, 15 No 25, sorry. A bit of a difference. I mean 100. Oh God, silly me, silly me. I got a 19 and I have a plus. Six. It's like, ah well, where did 15 come from? I don't know. It was, Yeah. I, I mean, I was, I was at Iago's Imports down Buddy's Gate. And yeah, well, he, Mccafferney's is bringing in.

Cassius thinks Mcgaffney's is bringing something weird into the city. He doesn't like it. He was getting me to to have a look, and then the red hogs turned up and they fucking sprung us, too. But yeah, you help me out. I can. I'll do whatever. I'll carry on informing you. That was, I've been spying for you guys for a while. And that was that was when I was going to report next. You guys need to go and head to this import office. Some weird's going on. When you whisper to the shadows, who is it? Who hears you?

What I, I don't know, I just, I mean people in Devon. I love it. I honestly, I love it, but my God. He's like he knew. It's his, it's his initiation today. It's very exciting for all of. Us. You're getting me out. That's great. Yeah. You guys, you need to head to this this import office. Something weird's going on. Mcgafferty's is is up to something, I don't think. I don't know if the Red Hawks knew about that, but Cassius thought something weird was going on. But they weren't. They weren't working together.

They are still fighting. They just told us they were working together.

I don't think so. Raw a perception or an insight or investigation or something? Not 20. Yeah, 20 He's sweating now. He is lying his ass off. Clearly someone is like. OK, the guys, the guys downstairs were pretty adamant that there was a deal going down between the Red Hawks and the Immortals. You're caught up in the middle of it. My dragon is still hungry. Yeah, OK. Look, Cass, Cassius thinks that the Gaffney's is up to something. He doesn't. He thinks it's something really, really like fucked up.

Not even just like crime shit. Like he thinks something weird's going down. He sent me to go and investigate Iago's office. He was going to get me to report back to you guys because Cassius is like, I think low key. He might be like spying, saying for you guys. And yeah, but anyway, that's, that's when I got kidnapped. The Red Hawks came in. I don't I I guess they didn't realise I was one of them. Well. Potentially. Do we know? Do we know if he is? Role insight or a history check on Cassius's involvement?

I am going to let you have that one because that is information that I just would not know. Yeah, I got 14. Yeah, you don't. As far as you're aware, you've not had any. You've personally not had any dealings, but you haven't heard that there's someone so high up in the family that's that's knocking. Well, we'll keep that in our in format in our notes. I've got a little like, I've got a little like notepad and pen that I'm writing in back in my pocket. He's like, he's like, I, I can, I can tell you where this office is.

It's definitely worth checking out something some weird shit's going on. That will be good. Great information. Great. So yeah, he tells you where a Argos Imports is in the city. OK, that's pretty much it for the session. There is a little bit of loot, so I'll say roll an investigation check or a possession check as you look around the room. That is a. It's like a 15. Cool. 3020. You find like a crate, but like in this office that looks like sort of stuff that they've looted from people. If you find inside 150 gold pieces worth of gems and like jewellery and loot and stuff.

Can I just write that in as gold? Yeah, yeah, that's fine.

You find 2 greater healing potions, you find 2 vials of silver oil, which you coat your weapon with, and that's useful for killing things that shape shift. And then you find 2 pouches of powdered haste, which is one of the drugs that the immortals like to spread around. It gives you the effect of a long rest. When you take it, you snort it and it gives you the effect of a long rest. You don't have to make a Constitution. You have to take a con save. Once you've done that, or you take a level of exhaustion, it starts off low.

If you take more than the DC of the con save goes up each time. And if you fail, you take a level of exhaustion. So you have that now because, well, you'll see. So yeah, you have saved, you have saved the guy, you have murdered everyone in the house. Well, they were in the way. And you have your next destination, so you're going to go over to E Argos import office, but that will be next time. For now, that is where we'll end the session.

Thank you everybody for listening like rate subscribe, let us know how the audio quality is because potentially with Maria's recovery, we're going to end up probably doing some stuff more episodes like this when we go back to paedophile and so on anyway. But yeah, usual like grace to [email protected] six O 9 DND on Instagram, pod view, pod radar, all the things that we do bye. Bye. OK, how do I stop recording? You just asked Craig to stop recording. Craig. Craig. Craig, stop. Recording Stop it, Craig.

DM. Roll initiative. Oh my God, I don't have any dice. Oh shit, neither do I Hold on. I have to go to my appointment in like 20 minutes. Yeah, I thought this was going to end quicker.

Agents of P.I.S.S. 1: Breakout

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