Panatheon 36: Golden Thunder

Hey everybody, Matt here to tell you all that this March is Endometriosis Awareness Month, and obviously as a CIS white man, I'm the most qualified person to tell you all about it. Endometriosis, or endo, is a horrible disease that affects roughly one in 10 women, causing fatigue and crippling chronic pain, otherwise known as life altering agony. In some cases it can get so bad it can even lead to surgery, such as hysterectomies. I actually know multiple women myself who suffer with this condition, including our very own Maria Nicholson.

And yet, despite affecting so many women worldwide, the condition is hopelessly under researched. The average wait time for a diagnosis in the UK is 9 years and four months, which is insane. So this much. We urge you to look it up, learn about it, discuss it with people you know, and maybe if you feel like it, donate to a charity that funds awareness or research such as endometriosis. Hyphen uk.org. Thanks everybody. 2006 were annoyed. We're recording in. 32 You died. I have your head. We're already recording.

It's fine pancreatitis. Head but but you talk. We're. Here like bells walking in the night and nobody else is in there and he's just like mine next to the head being like. Flabby boosie.

Good Republican body. Being Richard Nixon.

Anyway, hello and welcome to his 609A Dirty podcast that will never get off the fucking ground.

We carry on like this. We are Atlas and we hold it up with our backs. Oh God, Atlas has got to be in there somewhere. But how would you fight if he just drop a planet on you maybe? He just waves and says hi, and we keep going. Yeah, like. You think you've climbed a mountain, but really you've just climbed his toe. Oh hey, good.

Do I still have magic beans? Yeah. You've used one? Yeah, I. Hadn't used them in a while. I'm like, not for a magic bean. In my name is I am here with Maria Nicholson, I'm. Playing it crassly. Carl Nicholson. I'm playing Belcephalus. And I had something for this Arnold Palmer. Arnold Palmer. It's a cocktail. OK, it's. The cocktail He's a golfer. He was a cocktail named after him, Yeah. Apparently. What was he? Arnold Palmer? Hello. Arnold Palmer's on TikTok.

Because I don't think Arnold Palmer realised we were talking to them. Arnold Palmer is newer spicy. Oh OK, autistic. Podcast, they can't see that. OK, I had to fucking Google it just to make sure, but yes, he is in fact a golfer. And a podcast. A podcast Good. Hi, Arnold. Hi, Lord. Hey, Arnold. Who are you today? Nobody. Got my job, I don't think I'm going to play today. Yeah, good idea. OK, so it's still Gavin. Lie down. I'll record it for an hour and then put it on. Deuces, I'm playing chiv. What do you want?

A character sheet? Yeah. Well, I haven't made one. Well. Fuck yeah, that's the place. No like then. How are we all doing? Good. I think Alex has cut. Do you want my jumpers? Andre looks cold. Yeah. Oh. No, I'm fine. My fingers were just a bit cold. So when we said you look a bit cold and you said no, what you meant was yeah, my fingers just. My fingers. I hate being potential because I'm very details guy, but fucking hell you look. Cold. No, I'm just, I'm cold. Cold, you know? Yeah. It's not like that really cold, cold.

It's just cold, cold. Yeah, it's cold enough to be cold, but not like cold cold. I'm not hungry, I just wish I could eat, you know that doesn't work though, because I often eat when I'm not hungry because I'm depressed or bored. Anyway with your. Brother, let's go. I'm here. I'm in the room fucking yourself up. Yeah. You're ready to hit pay queues. Great. It's going to be great. Before we do that, shall we do a recap, please? OK. Sorry, yes please. Oh, no, sorry, I was not. Someone was going to do the recap.

I'll do the recap. I'll do the. Recap. Yeah, I need you to do it because I was. I really did. Stop paying attention. Yeah. Yeah, you haven't really started paying attention now. No, I'm paying attention. I'm listening to the recap. I have to do some or I drift off into face but I'm listening. OK good chat last time we found a day I. Had couscous. You guys said from islands to Palak use that was pretty much it. Riff managed to black getting a boat out of port, whatever dock, I don't know, onto the river, and you had a relatively uneventful first day until you went to enjoy your dinner in the captain's quarters with Shiv and Fellatia, the Cherise and cultist.

You spoke with her and she gave you a bit of a Lord Thumb background thing on Cherise, about how she gave her power and position and what seems to be going on RIP and shift and joint hands. It's a little prayer to me, answered with the usual frosty reception, but you did gain some information and learned a little bit about how the Hells work, how souls are recycled, a little bit of why Heceta is trying to close off a little circle of hell and what the possible repercussions of that could be with the bed.

I skipped a couple of days, and when you woke up, you're on the outskirts of Palli Cues, and the outskirts of Palli Cues is where we are now. It's nice early morning and you're arriving at the city. In the distance you can see kind of like the estuary where it flows out into the sea and the city itself isn't actually quite on the coast. It kind of like is on the river. And again, you see like the it's all brilliant white buildings, red terracotta tiled rooftops. Gorgeous. Is it sunny? It's sunny, brilliant blue sky, few gulls or in there just distance somewhere roof.

Roof gets her horns out, so she somewhere, so she should feel the breeze in her horns. Feeling the breeze in my hands. I like the idea. I like I like the sentence bringing the horns out as if she takes them off. Yeah. No, I just always have my hood. Up, oh Suns out. Put your horns. On Suns out, horns out to. Poke through or does it like hang really baggily around your horns? Because that would drive me mad because my horns go back like that. It doesn't really make much of a difference. They kind of propped up at the back, I guess, you know when you wear a hoodie.

But the hood's really big, so it ends up really pointy at the top. When you wear, you look like a KKK. Gun. Yeah. I was gonna say, you look like a clam like that, yeah. Yeah, yeah, like a conehead. She's great, a man. Yes, that guy. Yeah, I don't hear you, man. Yeah, OK, good. Anyway. Squeaky conehead from now on. OK, that's fine. Do what you want. She's great a man. She's I'll take. She's great a man. She's great, a woman. So Pallique Hughes is this famous city, once the jewel of Pan of Theon is now sort of dwindled in its glamour, but it's still a popular tourist destination.

It is right by the coast, so lovely sandy beaches a few minutes drive out of town. Many of the hotels and Inns have balconies overlooking glorious sea, the tranquil blue and the the city generally has a relatively slow pace of life and that. So you arrive at this quite busy dockyard. And although like as you approach, you get this lovely view of all these like past the white buildings with red tiles and sort of like blue doors and windows and stuff where you actually pull up to the city or this like busy like dock.

And there's a lot of like centre bit you can tell is like the older part, the bit that's closer to the the sea is older. It's more kind of like really big massive slabs of rock that have been sunk or like bricks. And then slowly as you get closer, it becomes less like. It's the anchor going down. Someone needs to get it from the storage cupboard.

You see? The bottom of the fucking boat,

someone, it's like bouncing around itching for the fucking gangplank to be out so he can get off the boat. He's like ready to be a tourist. He wants to go and buy some Yeah Rim. He wants to go to Ribs. Legit like just snatching paper off of people and pretending to sign. Yeah, Rim, make a make an intelligence check as you plan to park your boat. OK. And we've had long rest because we've. Yeah, you've slept. So I can use my ex popping foot to foot looking at Bell like I'm so excited. He's like he's going to buy a stick of rock.

He's going to go to one of those shit shops that sells like key rings and crap. Despite being on a mission to stop an evil runaway nymph from turning into a God and destroying the world. He's a Taurus 1st and he wasn't there for that conversation. Riv was. Doesn't Riv explain to me? Riv hasn't said that. She's explained it 22. OK, that's fucking Riv as you come kind of like perp and particular to one of these like berths. You're like, standing there with like hands on the wheel like. I do that like the really like.

I only use one hand and I do.

Yeah, the whole ship just like recklessly swings out. Like when old people park, Yeah. The wash comes out and knocks over a couple of fishing boats. You just see some guys tipped into the. Fucking you don't know where I go. I have some Ray bans on as well.

Have some gobbles? Yeah.

Expert parking, yeah. Thank you. Yeah, perfect drift parking. Because we bash into the side and everyone lurches. No, she nailed it. Like literally the the the wave caught between the boat and the the jetty managed to like cushion these. It gives Rev the filthiest look up and down. Because he knows what does go over the jetty though, and then. Just for like just for Pzazz for the 22 I feel like it slightly nudges the side which then triggers the gangplank to fall down. Perfect, Yeah. It curls off the gangplank and into town, ready to buy a rock and key rings and snowbirds you like.

You guys are like, we need to get supplies like potions and stuff. And I come back with like bags just full of abs. I've got you a T-shirt that says like, my friend went to Hello Cues and all I got was this lousy T-shirt and I've bought rib like a foam pirate hat. Hell yeah. I got faster than Pella cues. I got faster than Pella cues did all that By the time we were off, Yeah, yeah, it's like ready to go and he's just standing there cheering on like a big old sticker rock. Yeah, he finally finished signing all like parking permits in the sheet.

Turn around, It's standing there. You know when people come back to a cruise ship, but I'm like ready to go. I've got like I've been spending the whole time signing you come up in the side mirror and I just sign your face. We're in the fucking I'm with stupid hat that's got like beer can holders on the side of it. Got a mug of veil in each girly straw. Jesus. Well done, well back and buy everyone. We're done. Jumped up I. Need to lie down. And half a monster is kind of like How long are you planning to stay in paracues, captain?

Thank you. I don't know, like Sarah, like a week. OK, well we we charge a 20 gold a day parking fee. Yeah, well. You've got it outrageous. But he thinks maybe our money is his money, so he wants to spend it all on himself. I mean I just spent it on like penis lollies and snow globes but. Yeah. We're emissaries of the Crown, we don't have to fucking pay.

I don't like you. OK? Behalf of the literal king. We we're actually here on behest of the king. That's the right word. Behalf behalf of the King. On the behest. On the behest. Persuasion check I guess. Can I have? She says with my lip quivering. She may have help. Thank you. You sounded nervous. Persuasion. Yeah, good persuasion. It's not good 14. Right. Yeah, if the King turned up, he'd probably still have to pay. I apologise. I can barge in. I have +7. The fuck is this insolence? OK, OK. King barges up, you bend the knee gold.

Guys, and they've got to keep their dock up. Let's just can I have a crack at persuading here? Yeah, I just, I have really good stats on persuasion. And also I'll get to throw rid of the filthiest fucking look if I convince him. Oh my God, 26 God damn it it gives you one of those like up down looks like. OK, Yeah. In classic fucking fashion, he's like, yeah, but I'm the Grassley. Yeah, do. You know who I am. OK, fine. I'll send it on to the palace in Adams, I guess. That's fine. Fine. Whatever. Yeah.

A chargeback, Yeah. Yeah, OK, good. Invoice the king. Invoice the king. Yes, yes, it's your own. The Kingdom has no money. It's better on this fucking boat. I'm fucking tell him that. What the fuck is wrong with you? It's standing there doing that like posturing thing he does in his in his Superman pose, waiting for this guy to be like, didn't you orchestrate the coronation even though he wasn't there and has no idea who I am. We have money, it's just that we don't have a lot of money. Whoever is like giving it to this man?

What? The fuck is it all gone? We had loans. I don't think you've spent anything you know you didn't. Our purses? Yes. Yes, we have money about that. So. If you start stealing money, I don't think Bell's the person we should leave the money. I think we should leave it with me. We our crew will probably be staying around, so I'm assuming that's fine. Yeah, we've got plenty of tablets and shit around here and they can stay on board. It's fine. We offer for the 20 gold. Is it the king will be paying us.

We do offer my security or services. Your ship will be guarded. We have upkeep if necessary. So if there's any repairs or anything, we can identify those and repair them at a obviously a cost, but we can identify them. And you just said it was included? In the it's maintenance, we we maintain the ship and if anything needs repairing and. We there's a premium as well. Yes, probably put that in the small, right. Thank you very much. Yes, well, welcome to Palacus, home to the great God Apollo and many other things, I imagine.

Probably the Palacusium or whatever it was the Big arena whose name I wrote down. What are your horse races?

Hang on. It's ready to fucking have some fun, man. Yeah, same.

I know. We've got a job. Sure. And shit, just like looking at their watches like oh. No, but the problem is, is that if we go in and just do what we came here to do, we then something else will happen and we won't get time to be tourist. I'm like, we're here now. So like, let's have a day of being a tourist and like, recover from our long rest and then we'll do something sensible. You 2 can go have fun. Shut up now, and then we'll do some. And you can go fuck yourself Rick. You 2 can go have fun.

I will lead Shiv and Felicia into the city and we will do groundwork. See Charity Charity. Sorry, Chariots are two persons, so I'm going to take Shiv with me. She's coming with us. Shiv Persuasion, would you like to go with this random man or your sister? Can you have that answer that? Do you actually? Want to do? What you were brought here to do, or do you want to spend your day pissing about? I think you should make them roll. And roll off Yeah I guess pick a stat and roll it Charisma based. No extras.

It's got to. Be intimidation. I'm going to use intimidation. That's 21. That's yeah, yeah, OK, fine. Oh, well, a little bit of fun sounds great. Yeah, she goes over she goes. But you don't have high five. Yes. OK. Good, I bought a surprise on the boat with me. Have you ever? Watched it what? I opened the door and outcomes. Where's the city only? Chad. Yeah, I'm supposed to be. This isn't Chad, isn't there Chad? Chad is an advisor to the Kingdom. He's an important advisor to but. You've got to remit.

It was fun to watch her panic. Yeah, it. Was she literally stood up almost like where's the city?

What a reaction. Yeah, you guys are going to go to a chariot race then, Dick. I'm going to go somewhere nice and quiet and plant a magic bean. Is that a euphemism? No. OK, use one of my magic beans you're going to find. Flicker beans. My God. OK, right, fine. You're going to do that. And then Bell is going to take Felicia. Me and Felicia are going to go. Yeah, I think it's probably a good idea that we go and do the thing that we're here for, yes. Yes, yes, thank you, the voice of fucking reason.

Interesting how it has the two oldest people in the fucking. Group have a name to uphold. The best horse racer in the world. How about saviour of the fucking Kingdom? Well it just found his beans on the boat and now he has to use one because he forgot he had them and he's he can't. He's got 1 trap mind baby. You guys go play. No, I know what we've got to do on horse races is usually in the evening. Yeah. So you've got some time now. You don't know what range we're going to do. I do know what you're not going to do, what we're here to do, which is the point.

It might just it might just happen that the temple was on the way to the It's going to catch up with you. It just wants to toss out a. Game. That's finest you can go. Might find something useful you don't know. Sorry Mr Dismemberment and have to carry a head around all the time. It's a trophy. I earned it. Have you shrunken it yet or is it still head size? It's still head. Size and it's in the job. God, we're going to get kicked out. Put like a pirate patch on it and a parrot on its lid. And we're like, I put my, I put my hat on it.

Yeah. You just have, like, a whiteboard sticker on the side of the shape of a speech bubble. You just write. Yeah. We just, we just use it to make him look like a twat and do embarrassing, funny things to it. OK, Belle and Felicia are going where we're. Going to go to the Temple of Apollo. OK, fine. Yeah. Where would you like to plant your bean? I mean, I guess like, I'll go out of the dock a little ways because this is probably I need someone where no one else is going to follow me up the Beanstalk, you know?

You can go to the beach. Yeah, let's see that. I'll plant it on the beach. I. Mean get to the beach, you've got a roll to get that Beanstalk. I'll get that Beanstalk. You go and find a nice shady spot at the top of the beach like in the dunes. Roll AD 108. Geezer erupts. Geyser erupts in sprouts wine. Examine the best day ever, the wine geyser. He's just like you did years ago, chariot racing. Those things in Yellowstone National Park that were sharp, Yeah. I just, I literally I step onto the geyser.

I just stand it you're. Going to be so game like, jumps around in the wine with my mouth open and then I find things to fill with the wine before it runs. This is my new fucking brand. OK, this is Grassley's geyser wine riff. Yes, you go to the stadium, the Palachusium, and it's huge. It's not quite Arena or Colosseum in Allen's big, but there's this huge kind of like elongated Oval shape and we've really like 8-9 Storey high all the way around. It's got like flags around the top of it. You can hear people inside cheering and you can hear like an announcer on the ships, like that's sure or something.

Yeah, it is. So we go again to watch a race or no? We're going to be in the race. What? Come on, sister. OK, let's go. OK, OK. OK, this wasn't what I thought was going to. OK, Yeah, she comes along with you. Your. Prince is showing. Yeah, where do you go? I want to find the competitors entrance. Yeah, you go around the side, most of the site, most of the outside of this building is like elaborate, like stonework and statues and cool posters and stuff. So you go around and there's like one kind of like corner that fit near the top where it's all kind of like wooden fencing, corrals and stables and stuff.

And looks like it's probably where people bring stuff in and you see big wide waggons with Chariots on them being like towed in and like horses being brought in behind them and stuff. You find the the staff entrance, competitor entrance, whatever. I want to walk walk in with as much confidence as I can. OK, roll deception performance and you can have help from Oh fuck. Ten. I rolled 2 fucking 5. At the end of the door and there's a guy standing there and he sees you like try to like hop the face.

You're like, hey, hey, what are you doing? What are you doing? We. Have the race. What? No, you're not. What are you doing? The race. You got any credentials for that? Yes, hold up trophy from. The horse race but I keep in my pocket. It's a really wilted bunch of flowers and an empty magnum of champagne. I was a I'm a champion. Yeah, I think so.

This is Captain Rivard, champion of the the. What race did you win the the the attorney of Fasse. How, How dare you refuse to acknowledge her? I am the King's champion. She keeps promoting herself. Yeah, well, she's very important. You see, she's she's she's a royal advisor to King Cole and Austin. Ideas. Yeah. So I feel like I feel like you should let him in. She's gonna roll Persuasion. Come on, girl. 17 SEC. He's like, like, OK, do. You really want the king on your back.

Yeah, good point. OK. He's like, like fumbles around. He pulls up like a clipboard. He's like, OK, what name? What name are you racing under? What chariot are you with? Team Golden. Thunder better than? Golden to roll a luck check to see if that's on there. Fuck off.

He gets about halfway down the list. He's like, yeah, there it is. Okay, fine. That isn't obviously don't you should be hopping the fence. Yeah. I apologise for, you know, security and all that. He's an expensive, expensive Chariots and horses and shit. Most of these horses are worth more than most of the people in the town, of course. Yeah. OK. Right. Yeah. You need to go around and you like sort of points out like a doorway on the other side of this, like fencing thing. And he's like that. That's the entry to go through there.

And. Yeah. Fantastic, thank you so much for your help and I will tell the King of your good deeds. OK, thanks. I guess. She leaves. She's like, cut that fire. She's like, Oh my God, that was thrilling all the time. Oh my goodness. Last time I got a horse roast. I want it. Wow, that's where we're at. That was shit, right? The luck you have had sessions is out of this world. I'm having loads of fun. It's nice to see you happy, you bitch. I honestly thought you were just going to go into the forest.

Yeah. You make your way into the competitors, study or whatever. The Hall of Champions, It's just like all these jockeys or like charioteer teams. Yeah, go. Golden Thunder is here.

I put my head down. You see a man turn around, there's like 2 high high elves of like long blonde hair turn around and like white tigers and they go yes we're golden Thunder how can we help you? You need to leave. Oh, is there a problem? Yes. Oh, what is? What's the problem? Where? Where do we need to go? Who are you if? You if you head down and it's actually if you go, if you go around to the main entrance, they're actually, there's people there that need to see you.

OK, It's very important to go. There's royalty to see 18. OK, if you say so. You've got to go. Now. OK, yeah, right. Fine. Yes, yes, OK. Maybe Shiv is like looking at this like poster on the wall. She's like golden Thunder. Is, is is running in in 20 minutes. Yeah. So we, I think we need to get ready. We're going to deal with our Chariots. We're going to go. Come on, let's go. Let's go find our chariot. You've corrupted your sister. Hey, at least we're not portraying the Kingdom. We're shooting at each other.

Having fun, we go down and see our chariot. And our horses, yeah, you go, you go through to the like the stable holding area where all these Chariots are getting ready. And there is like an F1 pit team of like these elves. And they're like polishing this like gleaming golden chariot and white horses. And you can see there's like a lightning bolt down the side of it with golden. Gorgeous. Written on the side of this chariot. It's gorgeous, just. What I wanted, it's perfect. Yeah. You see, you see like all these Chariots start pulling out onto like into this like so the far end of this huge like indoor stable thing is like the this huge like entrance that leads out onto the like racecourse.

Yeah. It's all this like sandy, dusty ground around you and same on the track outside you see teams start getting onto their Chariots. They're these little like 2 wheel, like the classic I like Roman chariot. I think like 2 wheels and like two people standing on top of them and you see them getting onto their things, like people getting ready. One guy will take the reins, one guy will stand kind of like to the side of him and like, like grip the raining around the front and you see them all start to take off and you see these elves like looking around like what the fuck's our team?

Your your competitors came down with food poisoning. We are in their stead. You realise how unlikely it is for higher elves to get food poisoning. Yeah, that's why they're so I'll. Oh dear. Really bad. Oh oh. Yeah, I'm Riv and this is Shiv. She's. In your real name. Smart. OK. I mean I'm Tiv and this is. Biv Biv you have you. You've been sent to replace them without just putting out. Of course, why would you pull out? You still need a win. True, we've been doing very well this season. Don't. Worry about that.

We're the best in the business. OK, fair enough. I'm. Gonna lose. Yep. Oh my God, but I'm having so much fun. Yeah, you climb onto this chariot, they're like, OK from both. An intelligence check to see if you have a drive for Jarrett. No, you. Keep looking downfall me and Bella on here you are feeling on your own. My fucking downfall. Yeah, she's gonna help you by going. Do you think it's this button or you go on that strap? Oh. My God, whatever happens, we've really bonded here and I love it. So if you don't die in a horrible crash.

Yeah, OK, that's a 15. It's annoying. OK, Yeah, you're able to be like, strap, these guys are looking at you like I'm super confident. Now I'm going this one. One of them holds up a whip. It's like which one are you is driving and which one are you is taking this? A nod, Shiv. OK, She takes the whip. He's like, OK, I'll have good luck I guess. Thank you so much Sir. Good job team. Yes, well done. Hope you do well. Yes. 222222 Go to the dog. You scare the horses into movement, you go out onto the track.

Everyone's woo, Yeah. Woo. Everyone's pulling up onto this line, so you've got a simple chariot circle. As you race on your turn, you will be able to either you or Shiv can act. You can either boost your speed or try to attack. What are your competitors? Oh shit. Competitors will try to attack you as well? No, You all have whips or Spears or something to attack each other with. Yeah, you light up. You hear the answer. Sorry, what name are you playing under? Doesn't matter, they don't know what it is.

That's golden Thunder. Golden Thunder, Golden golden Thunder. Golden Thunder. Golden Thunder.

The opposite end, the opposite corner, you see there's like a school section of the stand which is all people in like white with gold. They were wearing like white baseball caps with gold peaks and lightning bolts on them and stuff. I. Love you guys. Got such rush. OK, roll initiative three other guys because I've got three other dice. I've got 19 on one of them in the other two. Town 17. T1. Yeah. Get out of the blocks early. The race. You move 50 feet around. OK, Yeah, it's a 500 foot course. Why not?

I don't know if that's far, but, well, there's 10 rounds of this race. Yeah. Unless I get bored. OK, So they they go 50 feet. OK, First round. OK, cool. They're gonna dash, so they're gonna get another hundred. You go next, you're in the scrum. OK. We're gonna, we're gonna boost. Cool, we're gonna go 100. Yeah, team two and three are gonna attack each other as they go. 50 foot idiots they. Don't even know how to play. Right. Yeah, there's this. Go 50 foot. They're gonna like just whipping each other.

They got distracted. Round 2, you are level with the guy in first. He's gonna try to attack you. OK. What is our?

Is it just mine? Yeah, we'll go with your armour class. OK, where's your armour class? 14. OK, I was gonna say 15, but we'll go 14. You're on 8. Fuck. So he goes 50 foot, but he wastes his time trying to whip you. Brilliant. I think we're going to boost, you're going to boost, We're going. To boost but you just fucking tell her away. Come on ship, use the whip. No, wait, I'm just really. I thought you said, right, the other two guys are just going to Sprint, so they're going to catch up with the guys that are now in second.

So they're all just behind you. The guy who's in first is going to charge past you. So he's going to do, yeah, he's going to go past you. But they say if they dash, they're then at disadvantage because there has to be some repercussions for that. So they're disadvantages if you try to attack brilliant and it's your turn. Fantastic. We're going to move 50 you. Can move 50 and. Then we're going to attack Shiv, get the get the whip. OK, I'm on it. She's going to attack. Come on, that 20. As the guy comes up, she just lashes out and catches the pilot in the face.

Fuck them up. Team 2 are going to attack team three, they roll 3 and then team 3 is going to charge so they are level with you. Oh fuck. Team 1 is going to move 50 feet and then they're going to attack you. They rolled A9. You are level with team one and team 3. OK, we're going to boost, boost, boost. Cool. 350, team 2 and I'll start the trail. So they're going to boost. They go past team 1, so they'll be just manage and team three are going to boost as well so they are level with you. Team one are going to go 50 and you're coming up to a corner now.

Shit. But they are. Time to shine. They're worried about falling behind, so they're going to charge too. So they're level with you, but they're a disadvantage. OK, so your level with team one and team three, both of which will be a disadvantage if you attack them. Or you can just boost beat yourself a disadvantage, although they won't be under attack. You'll attack. OK, you're up to 400. Who are you attacking, One or three? 1 I feel like they're more of a threat 14. Yep. OK, cool. So you hit team one, they lose, team 2 is going to charge, they're up to 400 and team three are going to attack team one.

No, they fucked them. They're going to come up to 400 with you and then they're going to attack you 5 and a three. What the fuck? OK, you're neck and neck with team two and three as you go around the corner. Team 2 are a disadvantage. I'll. Attack team 2 OK 13 damn it. She doesn't quite get it. Fuck, it's OK. Don't. Worry. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're fine. We're still be forward 50, right? Yep, Yeah, yeah. So you're up to 450. Team one, I missed. They're going to charge up to what?

They're level with you. Team 2 are going to come up and attack. Team one advantage, miss three. OK, the boost to 500. The team 3 come out of the corner in the leads. Team one are going to charge up and attack. Team three, they miss. Fuck me, they haven't hit anything. It's ridiculous. You're up, you are level with team one and two, but team three are 50 foot ahead boost. That's them. Team 2 going to charge up with you. Team three are going to attack team one in their real era, they hit team 1, so team one are going to not be able to boost.

OK, team one is starting to fall behind. Now they won't be able to catch you up in the next turn, but everyone else is level with you, so they go, they get a they can't boost so they're at 500, you're up, you're level with team two and three. Two will be at disadvantage. Let's. Go for a hit to team 2. Cool, but we move 54. It's really hard to hit a moving charity. Yeah, team 2 get a move up to you fucking three. Team three are just going to charge past. They're at 650 feet now they are in the lead.

Team one are going to boost, they catch up, but they're only then catching up. You have you can move 50 foot and then you can either boost or attack someone. Boost whoever boost. Team 2 are going to boost. Team three are going to attack team 2 as they go past hit team two, team one are so far behind they're going to boost. You are level with everyone boost. Maybe they're team 2. They're going to chance to swing at team three because they can't boost because they're going faster. They hit them so team 2 go 50 foot but they attack team three which means they now can't boost so they're going to be 750.

So they're now they're neck and neck for second, but you're 50 foot in the clear so it's fucking pointless rolling for the rest of it. Golden Thunder wings. Shit, isn't it accelerating?

Like this, I've been whipped so many times I've got no skin left on my arms but I haven't felt. Like it?

Yeah, Jesus Christ, I. Took a turn. Yeah, it's not where I thought it was going. That's right. That's. What Bell's for? This is what 4 episodes of Just Dicking Around does, isn't it? Yeah. You win the race, he come into the thing, a guy comes out with a trophy for you. Have to start a trophy room. Yeah, you see a man comes out, he's got a little box. It takes a there's a big flash in front of you and outcomes like a hand drawn picture of you and Shiv winning your trophy. I'm. Framing it and putting it on my desk.

Yeah, you win. Yeah, 10 times. Don't give. Us a bell. Yeah, I'm gonna be 100 times what I roll. I rolled a 20. So 2000 gold for winning the Derby like it's a big prize gold. Oh my God, I'm having the funnest. Yeah. I'm having the funnest, I'm having the funnest. The funnest, Yeah. And as you wheel back into the stable, you see a team of angry eyes going, hey, that's that's them. They stole out the chariot. They stole a chariot. Yeah, but we won. Lose us, they shit, they're the loser thing on their head.

Just running around. Fucking run away a. Bag of gold. Hey, that's ours. Nope. I flick a piece of coin, it's like a silver piece. Shave and Rev Oh sorry, Bev and Tev flee into the night. Oh, and then we meet up with them at the temple. So yeah, bell and Fellatio head to the temple of Apollo. So this temple is the word temple is frankly inadequate for what you find. It's a fucking huge complex. The main thing is like this, like Parthenon looking mother fucker in the middle. Like big classic ancient Greek temple but huge massive pillars, big pointy triangle roof like in our ends and murals and freezers all beautifully carved and painted all around the top of it.

There's like banner poles with tapestry depictions of different things were myths of Apollo's, him discovering music or healing people or whatever. And then there are like smaller, smaller little buildings, like off the side of it, some of them kind of like house size, some of them shed size, some of them like just new statues. And they all have offering place outside them. Some of them have priests outside asking for sacrifice or tithe or whatever. But the main event is this huge fucking temple that's covered in depictions of Apollo.

And there's there's loads of like priests and stuff like milling about. There are some that are sort of like just sweeping the ground. There are others that are swinging like senses with incense in them. There are others that are praying that, yeah, all manner of activity. And then there's just like tourists or worshippers all around as well. I pull fellatio aside. I feel we may need to be a little bit tactful here. If anyone asks, you are a religious censor from the from NNS and you're conducting a survey of how temples conduct business.

We're thinking about NNS is thinking about building a temple to Apollo of their own, and they want to know the right ways to offer tribute. Yeah, I can do tact. That's fine. I need a quill. OK, I'm sure someone around here can have one. I pull out one of the masks from my backpack and a little and a little dagger. Can I carve? Can I mark it? Can I? Can I scratch into it? Because I know I know that it can't be mounted, so it can't be reforged. Make a strength check. Yes. 32. You jabby at the end of your dagger into this thing as high as you can, and it does sort of like Pierce the very thinnest skin of this thing and like sparks you out of it.

And it's insanely fucking hot when you do it. But you can kind of like car like really, really force a fucking line down it or whatever. What would I need to roll? With a 22, I'll say that you carve whatever it is you're trying to. Carve I carve. Reject into the head of the mosque and then I go over and then obviously look around. I find like I find a table with like an ink quill and I pour ink into the reject and I like to highlight it and then I put that mask on. I kind of hide that mask on one of the one of the offering tables.

OK, yeah, you go and find. So there's lots of little shrines all dotted around. There is inside the temple there is a huge statue of Apollo, this massive golden statue of this like beautiful golden haired man in like a toga. He's holding a staff and that in one hand he's holding a staff, in another hand he's holding this huge sword. This like like a just a simple like hilt with a curved top and then a massive like fiery looking blade coming out of the bottom of it. But that's pointed down, whereas the staff is pointed up and it's like this really fancy looking thing.

And then there's loads of like offering plates and an actual altar at the front of that. Guys have my shoulder just to quickly look at my my axe. It's not the same. Yeah, you go and find like a little shrine just off to the side and place it there, and for the moment it doesn't really do anything.

This one cool. Yeah, that's that's fine.

What's a priest? That's what a priest. Yeah, there's loads around and an old priest and a young priest and a rabbi. And you know what, the best thing I I saw in Nottingham was there was a takeaway and you know, there's always like X fried chicken or whatever based on the there was an in arm fried chicken, but it's presumably it was just like halal fried chicken. But yeah, anyway, yeah, you go, you go into the main temple and again, there's loads of free, some are praying, some are doing little chores or whatever.

And there are some that kind of just standing around, just sort of like looking around hoping to find someone who wants to talk to them about something. Tactfully step into fallacious like Shadow. It would look more convincing if she were to lead and I were to play the role of the bodyguard rather than the other way around. All right. Yeah, fancy noble researcher and my highest mercenary goon. Good idea. Fine, let's see if we can find out if tithe is being accepted. And a little bit about the history you said.

You mentioned that Apollo was one of Hera's compatriots during her war. What did he do? OK, good idea. She goes over and she approaches this young guy, but quite weedy looking priest. He's got like floppy, like mousy brown hair. He's like Heather, how may I help you Flash? He's like, I was wondering if you told me a little bit about the history of Apollo here. I'm a, I'm a scholar out of balance.

The new young king is thinking about potentially making a, a temple or expanding the temple of Apollo. And I was wondering if there's any, any information that you could give me. And I'm I'm particularly interested in the history, particularly around maybe the the rebellion against Zeus. But. Looking at the guy's like, oh, yeah. Well, very, very interesting study. Well, that's I'm sure you're aware that Royal Apollo is one of the sons of Zeus, one of the children, one of the many, many children of Zeus, the son of a Titan and the twin brother of Artemis, the goddess of the hunt.

While Artemis was a little rough and ready around the edges, Apollo was a little bit more hesitate to say, delicate, perhaps more refined than that, and dedicated more of his life to healing and bringing light and music to the world. Although his brother Dionysus often tried to claim the right to music, it was Apollo who invented it. However, being a son of Zeus, it was obviously quite a betrayal to Zeus when Apollo grows up against him. Convinced by Hera, Apollo played the liar at the the banquet where Zeus was drugged so that they could tie him down, and then was a general in the in the army in the clash that followed.

Despite this, he was still instrumental in convincing Zeus to not kill Hera outright, and eventually was given his domain, that domain being light and healing, as well as things like poetry and music. He doesn't strike me as much of an aggressive God, so. He has his moments. What's with the? The sun blade, oh, his his personal weapon, crafted by hephaestic himself, although he really prefers not to use it, prefers to use words and healing, and he's got above conflict like any of the gods. As I said, he was he was a general in the in the in the in the rebellion against Zeus.

And well, he had to take his fair share of of heads. But the good thing about the sun blade is it's incredibly hot, so I rather cauterises the wound. So much less mess, as long as you can find all of the heads that you've chopped off. And Bell said let's just taps his hip, so I keep mine in a jar. Knowing smoke. Don't have to worry about claw cauterising the wound, if you swing hard and fast enough it's a clean cut to. Bleed out if you don't cauterise. It I mean if you had a head, heads missing.

Oh, about. A heads. Yeah, no, yeah, I'll take that back. Edit that out. Has he? Has he been active recently? There's I recently travelled from from Amnet further in further in land to the to the West and there was disturbing reports that Poseidon was no longer accepting tithe. Has anything like that happened here? He. Cocks an eyebrow at you, but roll an inside check. 13. Yeah, he cocks his eye at you, but he sort of starts to flush a little bit and he kind of like looks around, leans in. He's like, where did you say you're from again?

I'm I'm just a mercenary. I came from Anna's my my employer here, she's from Anna. 'S I came from Anna's yes that's right. Thank you I'm a scholar from from Anna's and what's my hiring here says it's true there are rumours around the Kingdom that Poseidon has stopped accepting offerings. Other shrines to Poseidon here I saw there is, is everything all right with Poseidon? He's like, I, I need to go and find my supervisor one second and he like shuffles off and you got to just sit there for a bit and then he comes back with like this old, really old looking guy, like shuffling his feet towards you.

Lean into flesh here, I can take him. You see, like raw hardcore stuff, you know, I've got this. This old man like walks up he. Needed. He's like, hello there, lady, fresher. Fresher. Could you, could you come with me for a moment, please? And he like, shuffles off again, like really slow, like across the ground. It like takes you off to like a side room or like a little, what are they called? A little annex bit. Yeah. Like there's a little shrine there, a little shrine plate with some intense burning in it next to a statue of Apollo in Toga playing a liar.

And he kind of like sits on this little marble bench next to it. He says, Lady Phenasia, you, you're inquiring about our Lord Apollo and his recent activities. I hear she's kind of like nods and gestures for him to carry on. He's like I am. I am remiss to to tell tell too many people about this, but well, recently offerings have started to go uncollected. Not all of them, strangely, only some of them. It seems to be relatively sporadic. We're not really sure what this means. It doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason he accepts why in one day and then not the next.

He accepts gold one day and then not the next. He accepts anything incense. He turns and he's like points at the burner. So as you can see, the burner here is burning nicely. He's clear something is happening here with any gestures to 1 nearby and you can see that there's an incense sticking this thing, but it's not burning. This is but this one is not being taken.

And he says the incense stick that is in the one there, he was like just about burned down to like the knob, whatever. And he takes it out and like lays it down inside the plate. And then he pulls out another one from like inside his target and places it in. And as soon as it touches the plate, the light like sparks and starts burning again. As you can see in this in this corner he is accepting his sacrifice, but in this corner he is not. Tomorrow the inverse will probably be true. We don't really know what is happening or why.

I take it this has never happened before? Not to my knowledge. I have not known this. There is. We have been searching the archives looking for information but we have not come across anything yet. May. We aid you. May we help your fellow scholars. Perhaps there's something that you have overlooked. With all due respect, we are scholars of Apollo. There is. We are the experts, the preeminent experts. Your lady may be wise, but we, we, we know what we're looking for here. There's no this is unprecedented in the history, apart from the fact that, as you say, it seems to be happening with other gods elsewhere in Panatheon.

On my travels here, I laid camp outside of a little village and I was assaulted in the night and a man was wearing and I looked quickly glanced towards Malaysia. He was wearing a mask. Have you ever come across anything like this? And I show him one of the masks. Looks really quite taken aback. You're attacked by a man wearing his mask. Along the river, yes. He looks really confused. He's like this. This is a this is a burial mask. Relatively common, although quite ancient with the the texts. Do you know where the text the origin of the texts inscribed in the mask?

There's text. Yeah, well, like. Ruins. Didn't you scratch rejected in this? Yeah, but I put that on a on a time. Yeah, there's like ruins and stuff all over it. Forgive me, I'm not versed in religious script. Felicia turns around. It's like I'm right here. He's going to think I'm an idiot. Whatever, carry on. You may about about it. You may know I do not. I don't know why you didn't ask me. Carry on, Sir, please. This is an infernal script. Unusual for these to be well. I've never seen one with such script on it.

These ruins are in the infernal language, spoken in the house by devils and demons. Quite, quite. Why someone will be wearing this nearby I, I, I don't know. Did you say it comes from the house? Do you? Do you happen to know which domain? No, he has no idea, but he kind of looked he's he's still like turning it in his hand. I feel like I may have seen something about this in the scriptures. Do you mind if I, if I I borrow this? If you're going to be in the city for a few days, perhaps you can come back and I might be able to tell you more.

Yes. Excellent. I look, I look towards Felicia. Yeah, that sounds, that sounds good to me. Yes, that sounds like a good idea. We'll be staying on one of the one of the central Taverns near the near the docks, OK? OK, excellent. But as I say, come back in a couple of days or if we find anything pressing then I'll send someone out to come and fight you. I lean into Fellatia. Should we ask about shares? Is it worth the risk? I think tact is probably a good idea for now. Apollo seems to be a little bit, as he said, it's more sporadic compared to Poseidon.

Seems like something's going on, but I'm not entirely sure what. Maybe we'll leave it for now. We'll see what they come back with. Hell, we'll go deal with stress. If we haven't heard from them, if they, if they haven't found anything or they, you know, pretend not to know anything by the time we come back, then maybe we'll investigate further a bit more vigorously. Have you had any word from your temple since you left? No, I didn't even tell them I was. I had to escape. I didn't. I didn't just walk out the door.

I had to fight my way out. Did you not want to maybe ask the scholars here if they've heard of anything? One religious sect might know something about another. Good point. So she turns to him. He's like, have you heard anything about the Temple of shares by Olympia And the guy like sort of books are up and down really like recognises that she's a sighter and he's like nothing good. Olympia has been plagued of late by beasts in the night. A group of soldiers have been sent out from the militia to go and try and protect the village.

For it is only the specific village Olympia that seems to be under under attack right now. They say that's strange. Creatures crawl out of the dark, kidnap people and drag them away. A few people have been killed. Mostly any victims disappear. Has any any of the soldiers been sent out have have any return? No. As I say, any, any, any victims that if they haven't been killed outright, they have disappeared. Who was the captain? Who? Who? Who's the captain of the guard? In, in, in, in the city? I wish to win this.

Don't need to win this. You could ask the captain of the guards and I could tell you probably the the head of the Palacusian Guard is a fellow named Cliety. You could normally find him. If he's not at the palace, he will be at the at the guard Garrison barracks. They have a fortress not far from the palace. Thank you very much, Wise. I shall leave you to return to your duties. Yes, please, if you could. And he kind of like he looks at fellatio and and then you try. Please don't mention any of this to anybody else as much as possible.

We don't want to cause a panic. Apollo is, is an important God. People come here looking for for healing. And we would be remiss to be unable to offer it to them. Rumours of not being able to heal people's problems would be would be damaging for Apollo, for the temple and probably for everyone's faith. So if you could keep it on the down low. You have my word. Thank you. Thank you. Much appreciated. And yeah, you head out of the temple. Is there anything anyone wants to do in Paddock years before you head into out of town?

We're OK. You come out of the temple complex and RIP and ship run past waving a huge sack of gold being chased by a group of elves who are quite far behind at this point. For some reason they didn't use the chariot to try and catch you. You eventually or individually if like. You get back to the boat and I'm just there with my barrels and barrels and barrels of wine. Or with a Grassley branded YEAH logo. Based on them. Yeah, you just carry. Those labels around with you? Yeah, yeah, it's. Got a stencil?

Yeah. Are you keeping that? Are you hoping to sell it like? Just keeping it. OK. You're keeping the aggressive one. OK, cool. Well, I'm gonna take it to different tablets and shop it out to them, but. You know, for now. I hand off, I've just realised that way how I apply a jewellery in my inventory. I hand off my jewellery to your crew, They can sell it in the bastion, can make some money. OK, Yeah. You give that to them and then they can just don't exchange that and they can give you the money when you come back.

So you give them all of your shit that you want them to sell and you see some guys start going into town. It's afternoon time now, so you gather yourselves together, you gather your supplies together and then you head off into the forest. Fellatio explains that there are a few roads that go out into the wilderness from park queues. But eventually we'll end up in the wilderness, so hope you're ready for that. It'll be a little rocky to start with. Go for a bit of forest and then eventually we'll get to some swamp.

We should be a bit tricky to diverse but that's where the entrance to the temple is. OK, they should shoulder their packs and you all head off out of paddock hues to find a temple of suress. And that is where we'll end the episode. Oh God I thought I was just going to roll like a random encounter. You'd fight something and that would be the fucking episode. And instead I've got too fair. The wine fountain was easy enough. That was just AD 100. And then I've got to come up with chariot racing rules out of my arse and then figure out a bunch of Apollo Law.

Fuck me, I need to suck and pay for this shit soon anyway. Yeah, we need what happens Well. Done. Anyway, thank you everybody for listening. Like great. Subscribe, Share Throw bricks at police officers and visit us. ICE agents, not police. Officers, they're all the same, 609 D&D on Instagram, 609 D and d.podview.com, 609-D and D at Pod Radar. When we get up, episodes uploaded onto that, if you pay attention, you'll be able to find me on Reddit, so you can DM me if you want. And yeah, the usual. Do the things make the number go up?

Yes, make us popular so that I can charge you money. Fuck. OK, bye, bye bye.

I'm playing. I'm playing it crassly. You're giving me nervous gas. I'm sorry. I have thirst issues.

Panatheon 36: Golden Thunder

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