Panatheon 37: Keep Away From Water

0:00 Hey everybody, Matt here to tell you all that this March is Endometriosis Awareness Month, and obviously as a CIS white man, I'm the most qualified person to tell you all about it. Endometriosis, or endo, is a horrible disease that affects roughly one in 10 women, causing fatigue and crippling chronic pain, otherwise known as life altering agony. In some cases it can get so bad it can even lead to surgery, such as hysterectomies. I actually know multiple women myself who suffer with this condition, including our very own Maria Nicholson.

0:30 And yet, despite affecting so many women worldwide, the condition is hopelessly under researched. The average wait time for a diagnosis in the UK is 9 years and four months, which is insane. So this much. We urge you to look it up, learn about it, discuss it with people you know and maybe if you feel like it, donate to a charity that funds awareness or research such as endometriosis hyphen uk.org. Thanks everybody.

1:01 I. Have access to my Kindle as. Well put the book down, nerd. I don't think what I'm reading is very nerdy. No, she's reading smart. Yeah, Alex is getting horny while we record this podcast.

1:19 Pick a random page My. Guy. What did it say? It says take your pants off.

1:31 There we go, and. Jacket. Take it out. Wow, actually like they are. Filthy books. He caressed her skin like Nah. No, honestly. He bent her over a table, folded her. Hey, the fucking desk scene in Wild Love Chef's kiss. Yeah, when we're in Hungary, we got. When we're in Hungary, we got Ruth's friend to read some of 50 Shades of Grey. So bad. She's got proper fucking like Yorkshire accent, so she's like, oh fuck, he hit me on the ass with Whit. He did something like that. It's like fucking atrocious but amazing.

2:12 Well. Done. Alex is getting excited for her, but she's going to put it down now. Because she's going to have to stay away. OK, Should we take another break? So. Alex, your smut is showing. Anyway, hello and welcome to six or nine DND podcast made by idiots. They weren't ready to start, but it's OK. It's. Like, all right, you're smart is take your pants off of mine as a Scottish castle.

2:39 That was the leader. Anyway, I'm joined my web. My name is Matt Cord. I'm joined by Maria Nicholson. I'm playing it Grassley. Carl Nicholson. I'm playing Belsophilus. Alan Shearer, she doesn't know who that is. She was born in like 97 and Shearer retired from football in like 2002 or something and he's been on Match of the Day. Who David Seaman is no Michael Owen. David Seaman is the face of Pringles. David Seaman, you swallow them.

3:15 You should be so lucky. I am. He's. Like Michael Owen, who was the love of my life. And you're like, oh, I've heard. Of you I've had. An ate not really tell you it she's an Owen she's. I literally was so in love. Maybe I was so in love with Michael Owen as a child. They kind of used semen as a flavour for the crisps. Ready salted. They can't.

3:39 David salted. Yeah, exactly as I mean. I was like, I was so I love it. I was so in love with Michael Owen as a child. And she's like, I've heard the name. I don't know who it is. I'm like. Michael Owen is the designer of Peacock's current range of clothing. Which is. Fascinating because he's now like a 50 year old fat. Man, you'd. Have to show who? You know Steven Gerrard's name, but do you know who you play for? Who? Steven Gerrard. Imagine your average like Scouse teenager that's like knifing you as he steals the wheels off your car.

4:13 Basically Steven Gerrard but he can kick a football. He. Can play for Liverpool. Oh, not and England not. He played for you say that like you're. Talking about. Any iota of a fight I hated for. A fucking hell he way, Leonidas. Oh, Jared Butler. That's that's something. I know who that. Is think, but think that Butler.

4:40 Just because I find footballers unbelievably unattractive. Yes, but I was like W. You've never looked at Wayne Rooney and thought God like. Can I just say it right now? I was like 8 and we were doing phenomenally well in the World Cup to the point that instead of classes in primary school, we were watching the matches. Like that's how big football was. I went to the Women's World Cup, that was amazing. Women's rugby I find fascinating. It's all. Good women. I was literally saying I wasn't very good at football, but.

5:08 You were a hockey boy. Yeah, I wasn't yugioh kind of guy, you know. Beyblade. Everybody.

5:15 Fucking hell, they. Hurt if you caught your knuckle. Gonna be hard to believe but I wasn't a book girl. We're so close to being relatable. And then you shout Beyblade. I was. I was gonna say something like I never really had Yu yo cards because we spent money on Pokémon cards or whatever. Then you yell beyblades. We had Beyblades, yeah. I know we had Beyblades we fucking arena thing. We watched a documentary on American Gladiators because I was saying we used to watch Gladiators on a Friday night with fish and chips in front of the TV, which is exactly what his family did in the 90s national pastime.

5:43 And it showed the little action figures. And I was like, we used to put those in our WWF ring with our fucking wrestling toys and they were like this big. They were like 4 inches compared to the wrestlers. Cokeheads. The whole fucking yeah. The obviously. All off on speed. The Netflix, you'd really enjoy the Netflix documentary about it. It was really interesting. It was funny. How am I to watch? TV. That's because you went alive. Oh. What time it was you tried? What a time it was you. Literally were born after it ended.

6:12 Like glorious period of the 90s where everything was great. So how are we all doing? Yeah, well, we got some interesting news just a few minutes ago. Finally, Maria's getting her her bladder surgery for her her endo. Hurray, I've been waiting a year and a half when I only was supposed to wait six weeks. It feels like longer. It really does, yeah. It's well I wrote to my MP and then three days later I had a surgery date. So. Staggeringly effective. That was staggering. Member of Parliament. I love how he helped with that, but not with the original intention.

6:47 I don't. I don't know that we did. I don't. I think it's just a coincidence. Doubt. But. Doubt, Doubt. Yeah, it's awareness now, so it feels good to get a. Surgeon Expo. I've been campaigning in and out of the doctors in the hospital for the last week, so I deserve this surgery. I'm a bladder that works like everybody else's. Well tough, you're going to get a glorified Coke bottle with a couple of pipes coming out. Right. Look, I don't have to queue for the bathroom anymore. Anyway, go where is getting a new bladder?

7:21 Yeah. Anyone else got any interesting surgeries or placements? I'm going to Tom and Arm tomorrow, which is a mediaeval and mediaeval reenactment and role-playing like Lap Market in Coventry. Neat. Fruits held twice a year. I'm getting some shoes. Cool. OK, moving swiftly on, shall we do this DND podcast? Yeah, we do a recap. Yes, yes. Last time in Panatheon, you guys finally arrived in the glorious seaside town of Palacuse. How about rock? Mate 5 out of 10 been I've been to better places. Riff mercifully parked the 9 Hells in a Jay parking spider.

8:04 What they called.

8:07 It's a docking Bay. Yeah, docking Bay at the port, and you quickly convinced the docking authorities that you shouldn't pay and that they should forward all of the bills to King Cole. Lost the 90s. You then discussed what you should do. Sort of it. Grassley ran into town to buy as many souvenir tap objects as he could before heading to the beach, hiding in the sand dunes and planting some magical beans. We sprouted into a geezer of wine which he is now barreling up and plastering his face on. He sells wine now as well.

8:45 Riv so kisses the Shiv to the palakus. Ian, the local giant stadium theatre place, talked their way into a chariot race and into a charioteering team and then won the race that I pulled out of my ass in the moment. So if it didn't seem very coherent or exciting, that's Rib's fault. It was exciting for rib. Yeah, it wasn't exciting for the narrator who had to edit it. Meanwhile, Bell took Fellatio Cleotora, the escaped Sharesen high priest, to the Temple of Apollo, where Bell carved the word reject into the front of one of the Damentos mast and left it on an offering plate.

9:37 They then went to go and talk to an Apollo Ian priest and. That works, yeah. They learned that although there are some gods around the world that have not been accepting all of this or any of their sacrifices, Apollo has been accepting some of his sacrifices and his offerings. The priests were unsure. You shared your ideas and theories about shares and what she was doing and what she was doing to other gods. They said they would look into it. You've got your own mission to do anyway, so you'll come back and talk to them.

10:13 Once you've done the shares thing that's all buttoned up, you then re united and headed out to the Wilds beyond the borders of paddock use. That's where we are now. You're heading out into the woods. Flasher explains that the temple is like way out in the sticks. It's in this swamp. You have to go through this forest. You don't have to follow the path is probably the easiest way to do it. And you'll come out at Olympias, which is the village that's nearby. And then from Olympias, you'll descend into the sort of marshy, swampy bit, and that's where you'll find the temple.

10:51 So yeah, that is where you are and where you are going. Somebody roll me. There's a couple of people. Two people roll AD 6. All three of you can. Yeah. I'm. Out of team I'm order one it's. Going to be a couple of days. While you travel through the woods, you settle into a nice a nice stride. The path that leads out of Palaque Hues is initially like a nice wide path, but slowly as you get more and more into the deep dark woods, it narrows and narrows and soon you're sort of single file along this road.

11:21 You don't really see any other people. You're getting towards the end of the first day and the path through the woods is bisected by a stream. It's a wide, shallow stream that goes across and you can see where it goes through. And then the path comes out of the other side and there's like stepping stones across and next to it there is a sign that reads danger. Leeches. Oh. We've dives in. This is all about that Leech facial, yeah? Don't you have some sort of electric ability to just kill everything?

11:59 How big's the stream? I mean, it's a moving stream. It's it's about 30 foot across. Oh OK, so not jumpable. No, not a mask. In. OK, well I'm gonna misty step across.

12:11 Show off Cool what? Are you guys doing over there? I'm going to attempt to lunge. I can kill the leeches, it's better. Like eyeball. I mean, it's just a path across. You've got these slippery stones that you've got like stepping stones to keep out of the water. How was it Grassley planning to get across? Just looking at what I. If if I throw a rope to glacier. Yep. And we pull it tall and hold it. Yep. Will they get advantage on crossing? Yeah, I can say because it's going to be a Dexterity check essentially to cross.

12:51 I know how I'm getting across. Oh, I'm going to use my Cloak of Iron. Eric Needer, yeah. To if there's nothing to spider climb to get past, I can use my one web of the day. I can attach it to like a tree or something the other side and just swing across. It's not technically how web works I think. No web. Web just makes it. You said I was like Spider Man, and I want to be like Spider Man actually. Web just actually no. You could, but you wouldn't be using it like spider man. You would be able to make a bridge well.

13:21 Can I make a web bridge then? OK, also you have to see how much the web is. So it's 20 foot across so. I could use it like a stepping stone. There's like. Trees and stuff around. So I would say that like you could web like a a wall essentially like 20 foot like hang up from these trees essentially. So you can do that like in the middle. I can make a web ladder to climb up a tree and then just chimney. Yeah, I was. Yeah, if you want to like shoot up a web and like between 2 trees sort of across the river if you.

13:53 Like, do a little like Empress New Groove across the fucking Canyon. Sure. I'm thinking more like like a safety net so that if it's across the middle of the stream, you can like I'll give you basically advantage on your Dexterity check to get across, OK, Yeah, Yep, OK, you can do that. So, yeah, make a Dexterity check to cross this stream. And I was like that we can do that as well. I have my own plan. OK, you're going to use the safety net Fellatio's going across. Yep. Fellatio gets across I. Only get to add to my decks.

14:24 Yes 6 Did you roll it? Advantage No. OK, so I'm going to I'm going to lunch 6 or. 9 if it's six 11 it's not. It's a ropy ladder at best. I can. Me. I can. I'm trying to reward you for being creative. Wait, Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no, she fucked it. It's. My no no, wait, I can add it's not. Honesty to it. Look what's happened to my dice tray. I blame it on this. Yeah, no, it's fine. She fucked it. What is Belle doing? I'm going to. Lunch, OK. Which means I'll be using my superiority dye which is AD 8 and I'm also going to be using my tactile mind which gives me D10 on on any ability cheques.

15:06 OK, I probably don't need to lunge like it's 3030 foot of stepping stones so you're making your dexterity check. Fucking leap. OK. We're standing there with the. Barbarian crazy. Fellatia used it. OK, good. OK that is an amazing role 8 on the D8 so I gained 8 extra feet on the on the lunge so 21. You just zoom across like Jesus Christ, however. I flipped. You turn back and you see it grassly raising around in the water like this poor motherfucker. Oh no. What? Happened to you. You wrote a six for a 7.

15:56 I fell. Yeah, I rolled A6 and then A7. Yeah. 67.

16:05 Stop it, stop. I haven't rolled to see if she'd got a cross. She's going to roll at advantage, she wrote. T Fours.

16:16 She's in the leeches. She's in the leeches. She's like. Screaming, climbing up, IK trying. OK, I want. IK pulled her in. I want to get. I want to get my rope. I want to turn it into a lasso. OK, well firstly roll initiative. Oh no, 3028. 20 I'm natural 20 but 20 nonetheless. One of the leeches got in that 20. I won't bother getting fellatio and whatever to do it because I've got too much to do. OK, right, the firstly. Reason they don't have character to do that. They do not. Right. Firstly, Swarm is going to try and bite it Grassley.

16:55 It cuts out the water covered in millions of fucking leeches. It doesn't feel good. No it doesn't. 15 to hit. We think ahead's yeah thought. We found out that armour wouldn't really help me. Some armour would. Die from. 16 damage to wrestling. Look at my God. Oh, I'm making Dexterity saving throw. Fucking hell 6. At the start of each turn, you lose AD 4 of hit points as well. Well, do you know what? Any creature can take an action to find and remove the leeches with the successful wisdom check. Should have said that.

17:33 Pretend they didn't say that. So you are covered in these swarms of leeches. They do have like kind of damage, but you can use an action to remove them. Before that is Bell's turn. Bell. You're on the safe side of the river. You can see Shim it correctly. You're not sure which is which. One of the arriving swarms of bleachers screams as it goes fit me. I don't, I don't know what to do. I I hit things hard with a big weapon, like if I swing, I'm going to hit. You can do a perception check to try and find the leeches, and then you can use an action to remove them from one of them.

18:10 All right now, 20 on Perception. OK, Yeah, you. Yeah. You can see the leeches. I don't know why it's a perception check. It's to say you can take an action to find or remove the leeches with a successful perception check. We have to get out the lake first. Yeah. Yeah, so you can pick someone and hold them out. Yeah. Why? Don't you? Why don't you? You can just grab them and hold them. OK, I'll say that's fine at this point. I'm not getting the wall. Yeah, look what happened to them. Yeah, yeah. I'll say with a Nat 20 you're able to like acrobatically balance on these stones.

18:46 I take the. I take the lasso from from the. OK, I'll make. Another one.

18:52 Which one am I saving first? I saving your sister? Yeah. Excuse me, it's. Bigger and more brutish. Save my sister first. Fucking out I I attempted to lasso Shiv. What It shoves her out the way. What I call for that? I guess in acrobatics check Miss Cool good time, right it Grassley. If it's, if that's an action, yeah, I have extra, I have extra attack. Can that be another action? Yeah, I'll let you make enough attack with your lasso. Frustration. I drop the fuck up on the floor and I I reach out and I pull shift to.

19:32 You grapple, shift, cool egg Grassley, you're up. Oh, I'm just flailing around in the fucking leaps. Or on it and you. Can move so if you want to get out of the water and onto the bank, but. How do I do that? You just do that, you can just say. I obviously want to fucking do. That OK, then do that, you say. I climb onto the bank. I climb onto the. Perfect. And then yes, you can use an action to remove leeches I. Would like to do that. OK, do that. I remove the leeches. Cool. Make a perception check in case you don't know where they are apparently.

20:04 I just have to roll AD 4 right at the start of my turn. Oh you do? Yeah. 3 Cool. So you take 3 damage. Update my damage and now I'm rolling a perception. Yeah, make a perception check to try and remove leeches. 7 can't see them. OK, the leeches that are on she's. Doing so well for me in so many ways until I sat down to record this podcast. Leeches are on Shiv, they're going to attack. They were on a three. That's fucking irritating. OK, so she's getting bitten by leeches, but just not as bad apparently.

20:37 Riff. OK, you're still in the water, right? No, no, he climbed out of the water, climbed out of the water. Everyone's out of the water. So as long as no one goes back in the water. Can I try these leeches? Get these leeches off of? Yep, I'll get them off of you first because you've taken damage. Yes. How do I do that? What am I rolling? Well, again, it says it's a Dexterity check, but if you want to roll something else, have you? It's a DC-13 on here. Have you got heat metal? They're not made of metal.

21:04 No, my sword is she can heat the metal I can just put up. OK. I have. Oh, flim salt. You don't have to hit them. They're fireball. You don't have to hit them. Just hold it close to. The skin I can just try and get them off normally or. You can just, yeah, that's working really well so far for everyone. OK, well I can, so I'm going to just try and get them off. What? What? In theory is a perception check, but I think that's just to look for them so you know there are leeches. You can see them, they're swarmed in leeches.

21:36 Say just pick a stat and it's ADC 13 to remove them. Madison Navia wasn't OK.

21:43 You want to tie to chaos that maybe just dozen from your face.

21:49 What the fuck is talking? Fuck, you know, OK. 1010 wait No 10 and then I use bend luck which gives me a + 4 so I could still. OK, bend luck. I'm done. I want to play. I'm out. Oh. Fucking play. These leeches are going to kill you all. I just wasted a fucking sauce.

22:18 OK, the Leech swarm is going to attack it, Grassley.

22:24 This is what's. Going to take us 18 to. Because they jumped to other people and they've done. They've taken any damage yet? So good. 16 again. Damage. 46 damage. It would be reduced if you tried to hurt them. Just saying. Well, we. Just thought we could just pluck them off. Whoa, what's 29 minutes?

22:47 It's not looking good for me. And make a text Terry check. My God this sucks. I mean you were taking, you were taking the D4 any. Fucking damage and now I'm being killed by. Leeches. And bees are our worst enemies. These are your worst enemies. You fucked up with bees. You're just here on the wind. Save them. I think for me it's a case of I was obviously trying to show off my new web prowess but I haven't had any practise. He shot a web out and then you're like, oh, touch it sticky, Yeah. I attempt to remove the leeches because all of my weapons are so fucking big.

23:34 If I was to swing I would essentially kill it. Oh my God. But unlike you, I actually fucking succeed. I'm old and 18. OK 18 yes you can remove from someone. She hasn't taken any damage yet. It looks pretty pale. It has been drained.

23:58 I remove a Leech from. This has already gone on too long. You remove all of the leeches from it was. This not the. This is the big bad. Yeah, this is the BBG of the entire campaign. Fucking leeches. You can remove these leeches from Ick Grassley. I'll. Remove the leeches from Ick Grassley. OK ick, you know how longer are covered in leeches? You are standing in a pool of leeches around you so you can move. Should I like just stinking cloud them? Or maybe get them off of Shiv. Well, if I stinking crowd, that's 90 feet radius.

24:32 Yeah, so the little. Stinking Cloud, yeah. You'll be getting everyone. Bestow Curse. Bleachers. They're fucking bleachers. Command. I could just point at them and say off. No, they're already off you. Yeah, but I could get them off shift. Oh, OK. Yeah, yeah. OK, OK. I have to roll the D4. Come on, No, I don't concrete, do I? Have to roll the D4. Can command work on leeches? It's just as a creature, but I'll allow it. I Once Upon a time said that you couldn't use it on a swarm of bees, but this is insane so I'll allow it.

25:05 Fucking believable. I almost died and I didn't get the same fucking.

25:13 Well, I have shit to do today, so bullshit. She's the tech thoughts on them and see what they're up to. They're just. Like that's a fucking celebrity blunt. It Grassley's feeling quite emotional because he normally survives without taking any damage and he's been absolutely fucked and he's going to be married to people. He's embarrassed, he's cold, he's embarrassed. He's covered in weird sucky wound things. Bleeding. Yeah. You're going to use command on the leeches? Yes. Yes. OK. They make a. If they fucking, they succeed the same.

25:54 Of wisdom save, they have +1 to wisdom. They said row to 14, I'll say 14. It worked. It doesn't work. I'm gonna run and go and kill my. Can I do anything else? You could at least step away from the leeches. I step away from the leeches. I was thinking more like your wounds, but I'll step away from the leeches. Technically they get an attack of opportunity. I feel like everyone's staring at me and I'm just like, oh God. You're old and eight on their attack of opportunity they missed. That's the second round of leeches.

26:29 They can attack Shiv because they're still there. I feel like he got really arsy about how long it took us to get started. All he wanted to do was kill us with leeches. That one to attack Shiv, that's annoying. This could be Shiv's moment. It was it's riff now. Safer. OK save me riff. This is disgusting. I. Know what the? Fuck you doing. Why the fuck did you jump in the water in the 1st? Place. Jump. Something pulled me. She looks sick. IK why did you pull my sister into the water? I'm. Having a really bad day.

27:03 Fucking hell, right. I'm going to just try and get them off. OK. Yeah, fine. OK, that is an unnatural 20. OK, yes, you you remove the leeches from her and. I. Eat them. Jesus Christ, there's a film of my blood. Rivari What the? Fuck is wrong. I have your. She's a demigod. It's OK. It's not. I'm also a demigod. I think it's weird, OK. Do we have the same blood sister I? Don't know if that makes it better or worse or. Anything. It's. Still weird. Definitely worse. OK, Oh, I don't eat the leeches. I just want to make that clear for the people.

27:44 You can if you they only have a speed of 10 feet. Amazing. We're just going. To go on land. So yeah, exactly they they still full hit points. And then I'm going to turn around and use my Lightning. Wait, no. Is that this campaign? Yes. Yeah, the lightning stick. I'm going to use my lightning stick. She's been cheating on us with another campaign. And I'm going to use my one that does 96 lightning damage. You're going to waste your. Voicemail. No, I'm joking. OK, you flee at full speed away. It's fucking.

28:21 They're just going to follow us and then we're going to be like battling. They have a speed. They have a land speed of 10 feet. Oh. My God, we could just squash. It so yeah yeah. You want to risk standing there then do you Look what happened to Ick nearly dead. He's like, really trained, pale, not. Having a good day. Oh my God. Oh, that's going, man. Me. What the hell was this? Outrageous. Silly. OK. Shiv, stop jumping in water. It's not. It's not becoming of you. Once again, I didn't jump, OK, but it was so hard to stand about that.

29:08 God, you carry on. But that was that was late in the day. You'd spend quite a lot of time fucking around in town before you departed. So you know it's getting dark now as you go through the woods, somebody make a perception check or a survival check to see if you can find a comfortable place to stay for the night to set up camp. 18 on survival. Yeah, I was 18 on survival. OK, it's starting to get dark now. You don't want to wait until it's night time before you set up camp. So as the sun lowers and it starts to the gloom starts to approach in the forest, you find a nice sort of like shallow pool in the middle of the woods.

29:56 There's a little bit a little bit of a stream trickling into it, but it's kind of just like a glorified puddle as far as you can tell. But it looks like pristine, clean Clearwater just in the middle of this pool. It seems like a nice comfy place. Big.

30:14 Fucking yeah. Just set up camp. I mean, you could do an investigation or if a. I don't know just the way you explained it, why is it so pristine? It's in the woods. It's. Away from the industry and the chemicals ruin everything. Can I roll a Sleight of Hand or a Survival to try and make some rudimentary traps on the outskirts of this clearing? Yeah, you can do a survival check to set up some traps. You're not going to investigate a war. No, this is when we're making camp. I don't want it to be secure.

30:51 Yeah, yeah. Fair enough. Day 20. Yeah, yeah, You set up. What kind of traps do you? Yeah, I'll let you set up some trip wires or whatever. Yeah, trip some trip wires that have been like secured by like it's like really, really like fine twine and they're like the web goes up to like a branch that's like when trying like loads of little tweaks. OK, cool. So you sound like a Yeah, just cool. Yeah. That'll help you keep an eye on stuff while you're keeping watch overnight. Does anyone want to do anything while you set up camp?

31:32 You start unrolling your bed rolls and making Campfire I. Want a long rest? I'm going to get my sleeping bag. You're taking turns to watch the camp. I'll take the first watch, OK? We'll take second. We'll. Give. We'll let it have a fortnight, yeah. Yeah, I think it might need it. It does. So night eventually descends, you have a nice forest dinner, Fellatia uses some juridic magic to grow some fruit, and then hits the hay. Well, you've set up your little perimeter alarm around the edge of this pool or around the edge of your camp, and as you sit there, make a perception check.

32:08 21 I So Eck was playing his chancer in his sleep. That's what that noise was. That noise is Amazon reads and a top quality instrument. Any schedule shelf? Yeah, do you? Think that auto tuned his back pipes. Fucking audacity. It goes in the bushes. For a wee. Okay, it gets up to go for a piss and you're distracted slightly with 21. You're just sort of sitting there by the fire. You've got your perimeter alarm set up around the outside. You're just sort of sat there staring at the pool. Yeah. And you notice every time you throw a rock, it sort of hits this pool and then sort of like bounces really slowly, like something seems to be affecting it.

33:10 And then it sinks like almost into like custard or something like it's whatever it's sinking into is really thick because and told you. It was too pretty. It's a massive just like you. I I equip A javelin and rope. I try a piece of twine onto the end of it and I throw the javelin into the pool. Roll to attack the pool. I attack the water. There was an emperor who did that. He lost loads of men. He was a Roman emperor, one of the insane ones. He decided to declare a war against one of the sea gods.

33:45 Yeah, it was over Nero or Caligula, I think it. Was Caligula. It went and collected seashells and back. I'll say role advantage to attack this because it's Paul. Yeah. You throw your javelin into this pool, it just kind of like sticks halfway, as if it's hit something, and then the water explodes upwards and it takes a vaguely humanoid form and it's huge. War elemental just flares his arms.

34:16 Roll Initiative. Good to be true, man. There is no pristine. Waters 21. I'll say everyone else roll initiative as well. Just roll at disadvantage because it's essentially getting a surprise attack on you 11. 6. Roll damage on your javelin first of all, because. I told you that explaining the Lakers pristine was weird. It's. D&D. That's 10 piercing damage and he is hit with slow. I'm staying hidden in the fucking. Bit I don't have the health. To be fucking around with this shit. Yeah, so this thing comes burst together with a javelin in his head.

34:57 The fuck is that thing? What did you do? You weren't here. I'll say take an actual attack now. Like do an actual attack to kick off combat properly. I pull out my execution as Axe and I charge him and that's in that 20. Roll high, roll high, roll high. You fucking suck. So it wasn't high there. 7 + 16 and. You rolled A2 when you first won so. Yeah, I want a 2. Great weapon master or something? Do it again. Oh shit, 12 so. 1612262728. Nice. You heard that fucking thing. I'm. Not done because I have action surge and because I'm off guard and I've never seen an element before.

35:37 I'm going to rage because I can do that. I. Don't know about that shit. 122 to hip. Oh, hit, it's water. It's fucking water. You hit a wave. You're not gonna be so proud. Of me can't even defend itself. You can defend itself. Give it a chance. All right. Not a turn yet. OK, sorry.

36:06 Nice. Yeah, it's quite hurt, but it's now it's turned, it moves towards bow like it's just like it has like the top half of its body looks like a sort of like person, vaguely like it's all arms and a head. The torso just ends it like a sort of like Whirlpool ornado thing. And it like sort of like comes out of the war area, just comes towards you. Honestly, hear me out, Yeah. Yeah, yeah, 1. 100% make a strength saving for. Not be swooped.

36:38 Yeah, if you want to be, not to not be swept away, God.

36:44 Cringe. 1515 yeah, that guy beats, beats, you can see it sort of looks down and goes spoiled. Can we keep him? I don't know what to do I'm. Weirdly attracted to it. Someone bring me a water skin or a bottle. Give me a bucket. You take 6 damage, that's annoying. That's annoyingly little bearing in mind on 48I rolled 24, that's frustrating. Oh jeez.

37:21 The waters. Oh no, I am mild. Water just goes. That's it. Turn Riff. You are woken up and you see this water tornado monster try to eat Bell. Bell seems weirdly into it. Fucking told you that wall wasn't cool. I just assumed Bell was asexual but. I have a sexuality. He's repressed is a sexuality. It's literally asexual. That's what it says, anyway. Oh my God. I'm gonna just like witches, bolt it. OK, Yeah. Oh yeah, what did they use to attack water and Pokémon? Do electricity work or does it fuck Pikachu?

37:58 I can't remember. No, no, no, super. Lightning is good against water in Pokémon, yeah. Which is not the same. Indeed, it's not. This. 17. I learned that the hard way. Do you do 2D? 12 hits, 2D. 12 and then it's attached and it for bonus actions. Thank you. Did you use tied to Chaos when you were dealing with the leeches Ben Block? No no she did. I'm pretty certain she says tied to chaos. OK, so then you need to roll wild magic as well. OK, what? The wild magic table? Yeah. Oh, no 16. 16 and.

38:35 Then I'm just attached for a while. Well that's until we find out what happens on my wild magic. A 100. Did I land at 100? Nice. Yeah, no, OK. What's 100? Roll AD 6. OK, six, you die. All the effects of row 17 to 20 affect you simultaneously. What does that mean? You are subjected to an effect that lasts for a minute. Or all of them, as it turns out. You need to probably write this down. OK yeah, so you are surrounded by faint ethereal music that only you and creatures within 5 feet can hear. Your size and creatures by 1.

39:13 So you're now huge. You grow a long beard made of feathers which explode from your face after a bit. Back. You must shout when you speak. Illusory butterflies and flutter in the air around you. And I appeared in your forehead grinding. Good version of wisdom perception cheques. Pink bubbles float out of your mouth whenever you speak. Oh gosh, shout. As it turns out, it's your skin turns a vibrant shade of blue. What's wrong with me?

39:47 Bubbles beard I you. You wouldn't shit. I was like Oh my God, what's wrong with you? Your. Mother is angry. What are you doing? It comes back from having a wee and as she just stood there like. What you think this would help? It just happens sometimes. I don't know what's going on. It's just like you've lost all control of everything in your life. Apologise to your mother now. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

40:20 Save the mouth for the bubbles. I'm shouting how long does this last? Well, a lot of them seem to last. I mean, the blue thing lasted day. Feathers like pull out of a. Beard. Luckily I was already kind of tinted blue anyway. Yeah, you just look like you've got a sick tan. Now you're like a cop. Now you're like, leave the chair. Yeah. That's crazy. OK. Do you have anything else to add? No, I. Think you mean no. No. It's like the fuck? It is it's turn. I'm not sure it wants to get involved in anything, he says.

41:11 Like Bell's got a boner over a water thing and Ruth has turned into a fucking jacked up Peacock. Like it turns around and hides by the. Tree OK for all the stuff, check. It is out I'm. Just going to say fuck no to this situation. That's. About four. He is a fucking redhead giant and a kilt like. This is this is the tree, This. Yeah. It runs the high by the tree. He trips over bells tripwire trap. He just bells starts ringing. If you're having the worst day, you're. Looking at me running for the trees so you don't see the.

41:49 Traps. They had so much promise. I put my endo T-shirt on. I got my surgery appointment. My character died. He's not dead. He's gonna be humiliated. Bell, you're up. He has quite a big ego. He doesn't do well with humiliation. Bell fix this. I don't. What did you do? I've got. Enough. I know was.

42:10 This don't a strange shit going on. Like is this is this punishment from your mum? I mean, it just sometimes happens. This is weird. You're weird. This is this. I'm pretty. Certain This is why Mother was trying to teach you to use magic. But isn't this fun?

42:33 1515 hits. Yeah, it's 15 hits. 13 points of damage. Cool. Then it's going to take its slam attacks. It's going to slam Bell, who's inside it. Bell, take it out for dinner. Wait, see if it's going to see if it gets his well back. It doesn't get his well back, Yeah. So it's going to slam Bell to 17 plus something, 20 something. No.

42:59 It doesn't it? No nice 17 damage while you're raging. Go take his other attack at Riv. I just. Which doesn't mean you're sensing. So it takes an attack at Riv, which is a 13. Really. Really. What is your armour? Class 14? Fuck off. Just to be clear, Riv has better armour than you and you're wearing armour. OK, so Mrs. Sentinel yes, I got you weird crazy demon feather thing. Lady, stop foaming bubbles. Feel a bit weird, Bell?

43:44 People one to two, that's another 13. 13 It's looking pretty fucked up, this thing. Riff, you're up. Yeah, I'm gonna find a such a much boat. Cool. How's it looking? Pretty hot, Pretty hot. Pretty hot. Yeah, it's pretty hot. And if I use one of my things here on my lightning bolt attack, will I just get it back in the? Morning. Yes, yes. Incredible. I'm going to use the 96.1. Bell is standing in the middle of it. Bell.

44:21 Aim for its head, I guess. What does it do? 5 foot wide. Oh wait. Oh and 100 foot long. No, forget it. Yeah, you just shoot it into the sky. OK, fuck it, let's do it. I don't know what it does so I'm just swinging it around. I'm tempted to say Bell make a deck save anyway. You're inside it, Flash. They all look towards Zeus. Did you lose the Thunderbolt? Do I have to hit though right? I have to roll it. Yeah, you're doing the lightning strike, Yeah. Yeah, and this is a deck saviour. Each creature makes it Dexterity safe.

44:54 Yes, make it Dexterity safe. Bell. This failed. It's. 17 to hit. I'll get hit. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't roll, don't roll, don't you fucking dev roll. Can I quickly can I quickly please rub my tattoo and give myself insubstantial? No, please. Why Bell? I was only going to do 2D6. Oh yeah, no, I've put the right dial right.

45:23 Oh, that's a lot of twos. Yours is hard anyway 6. 1233. OK, it's dead. Yeah, you funny fucking special bean cannon, this fucking thing. Bell inside it. Oh. Yeah. You just see Bell like lit up this giant fucking wave monster just. I can't believe that was 2D6. Silhouette of a man with an axe inside. Slightly smoking. Yeah, the water just goes wash and washes away around the gammas and dribbles into the pool again. You'd think with another eye I'd be able to see better, but I can't. You'll be all right.

46:00 I'm fine. Fucking ow. The elemental is dead, everyone is safe. That was fun, but I feel like if you hadn't attacked the water it wouldn't have needed to have happened in. The I wouldn't imagine lightning. Ship. It would have attacked Ribbon ship while they were sleeping. It's fine. Right. Just glad it didn't attack me. I would not have survived. No, he wouldn't. It was really cool though, like the the the travelling, it kind of like stuck in and then it went. Yes, it's it. The water explodes in sparks.

46:37 Yeah, the pool is noticeably shallower now. Got.

46:42 Flick a penny in it. Yeah, make a perception check. As you do that, you have advantage on that because you have third eye I'm. Sick 19 You hear It 20/21/22. You hear it pink off of something? Fuck. There's no way. There's no way you go and have a look and then. Ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. There is a little chest in the bottom. I jump in. Yeah. I've got it in my hands. I did the killing blow. I did the lion's share of the work. Dibs. Doesn't. Work. It couldn't make me poke you in the third eye.

47:20 No, Yeah, you're supposed to be shouting, aren't you? Yep, I am. You weren't. It's. Very hard to remember. Bubbles are going on. I'd say sorry about. Fucking bubble beam bubble. Burst to you. Thank you. Right. Squirtle, Squirtle, Squirtle. I'm getting crabby vibes. Love Crabby, he's one of my favourites. Roll 2D four. You can have AD 4 each O2D fours. 43. Not bad, you find 700 gold pieces in this chest. God damn dope. And who's? The expressly wait pears out the bushes. Who's? The 700 gold for you just.

48:00 Find it in the chest. So there's a chest in the bottom of this break. You take it because. You're not going to group it all together, and I would keep it as one part just for simplicity. And then AD 4 -, 1 magic items. Oh. Shit. Tell you what, we'll go with the OR that you rolled as it's higher and so you find magic items. Where's that list of stuff? There we go 7. 100. Dollars 700 is insane to find in the woods. In a tiny chest as well. Like I'm thinking that the chest is no fucking bigger than this.

48:34 Yeah, apparently that was. Money is just spilling out, yeah. That was there. That water element was there to we'll say that it was hidden by a wizard. So we'll go. I'll tell you what, right? Somebody roll AD 4 to decide if it's Arcana, whatever, 2 armament, 3 items in there. So everyone roll AD 160. 2. 2790. So you find 700 gold pieces along with a dread helm, veteran's cane and a silver sword. We're. Never going to see any of those things again our way. They're just going to disappear the. Bell, As a bonus action, you can transform The Walking cane into an ordinary long sword.

49:10 Change the long sword back into a walking cane. Oh. My God. Well, that's so you. That's fucking sick. That's pretty it, yeah. And. The silver salt. Just the silver. Salt and our chemical process has bonded silver to this magic. When you score a critical hit with it against the creature that is shapeshifted, the weapon deals an additional die of damage. Very. Specific What's the helm of? Whatever the dread helm. Dread Helm? That sounds like it's not gonna be, but unlike the idea of it. While wearing this fearsome steel helm, your eyes glow red and the rest of your face is hidden in shadow.

49:40 That's pretty cool. To be fair, that's. Pretty sick. Pretty sick. I put it on my somehow has holes for my horns. Yeah, it's more like a skull cap. Now my third eye can't see. But now you have disadvantage on your I'll. Keep it with okay? I want it for when I don't have my third eye. You find this cool shit underneath the water elementals pool. You re secure trip line and go back to bed. Bell shift ends, Raven shift, get up. Everything's OK for the rest of the day. You wake up, pack your gear up, and then Fellatia says pretty soon of Olympius that way.

50:17 And then you'll trips off into the woods again for another day of adventure. Pick up whatever the fuck happens there next time because I'm tired. Now that is where we'll end this session. Fucking leeches and war elementals, yay. Goodbye. Clear of the water it. Was intense, Dick did fuck all and got absolutely battered. It's because Dick was intense. Yeah, what? Oh, right. Because he was asleep. Oh yeah. Intense. Anyway, we do claim to be comedy. That's not helping. Thank you everybody for listening.

50:56 Like Raise Subscribe Comment share. Contact us through our DNS on Instagram if you would like to Commission a handcrafted crocheted dice bag. Yeah, you saw. £20 because the money is going to help us pay for this podcast. Yes, I put a picture of the crocheted. You call it cross. Stitch. I call it cross stitch. I don't know what the difference is. I'm a simple man who knows nothing. Yeah, and people have asked for commissions, so that's neat. We're doing it, people. Yeah, we're actually becoming a thing.

51:29 So yeah, you can find us at Six O 9 D&D on Instagram. Maria is at. Oh, Nicholson Chronicles. Cool. Then there goes a picture. Of anybody else? I don't have social media. Yeah, it's smart. I'm good. I'm assuming you don't either. I just use my social media to boost the other, the podcast social media. Otherwise I'm not really on it. Yeah, fair enough. I'm on Facebook. Find me if you can and then yeah, have a look at us on Podrider or check out our website at six O 9 D and d.podview.com. Until then, have a wonderful life.

52:09 See you next time. Bye bye guy. That was nice stop.

52:19 Recording. I feel so Oh, she's like now. Have you ever I have heard of it. I. Never thought that. Maybe because you are all in the same generation? Oh, shut up. Sorry. Stop. Recording Dog. What are you doing? What are you doing? He's. Scratching his back. He's scratching his back. I think he's getting off on it, though. Look at that. Jesus Christ, between you and Alex, it's just you're a terrible influence. You make my dog horny.

52:54 Last time in panic. Fuck sake, dog. Have you seen who cars got on his T-shirt?