Strahd 13: Santa Courts

0:00 Is that a Merry Christmas? In a land plucked from time and space, surrounded by a fog that lets not escape. Be wary every adventure for the dangers hidden in every corner. To the castle you must go to throw an ancient evil on your own. But cautiously. He knows you're coming. He smells the flesh blood you're carrying. Trust no one in this land of twilight and you might survive to see true sunlight against all odds. If you prevail. Heroes true, they will sing of you to end your tale. But if you fall heavily, your soul is now trapped.

0:42 High atop of mountain peak sits Raven Loft Key. It's grand old doors open for you. An invitation so tarry not. There should be no delay. The Master awaits you this death. Welcome Lords, ladies, nobles and sirs. Prepare your spirits to be marred as we enter the class of Stroud. Welcome everyone to is at A6 or 9AD and D Podcast recorded by idiots. Me. Well done. I am your host, Karl Nicholson. And today joining me, we have Maria. Playing will be shady. Matthew. If I thank you. Alex. Who, Malice Enfield, As you know, you've got too many campaigns on the.

1:28 Go yeah, doesn't. Check your character sheet. Should we start with Spotify Wrapped? Yeah, I I was going to ask if anyone had any like house cleaning duties to get rid of before you sign Matthew. Is our other DM who does all the editing. Any organising comment on maintaining the website? I wouldn't try to say, I'll say, well I don't think that you get to do, you get to claim that you do all the organising. You only get to do it because I bring people here. So I'm just here for a good time, not a long time.

1:59 Right. This campaign is a long. Time. I'm afraid you're here for both. It is, yeah. Anyway, Spotify rapped. Oh yeah, So you know, so on Spotify rapped, you'll never guess who came up as my top artist. Hey, Beth Crowley. It's weird, isn't it? I guess I listen to her in a car a lot. Anyway, I don't know who that is it. Doesn't matter, it's not relevant really. The point is we also, as as creators get our own Spotify rap and it's about all of the statistics we get from everyone who listens and all the stuff we get from that.

2:30 And generally it was pretty good. We put it on our Instagram at six or nine DND. I've put it on Facebook. I put it on my Instagram and on my WhatsApp in the updates. But yeah, some staggering statistics, frankly, it came up with something like we've got 91%. Top 91% of new. Yeah, Hang on. I've got it somewhere. We're in the top 91% of or. We received more shares than 91% of any other shows. We received more comments than 93% of any other shows, which was like 8 which. Is yeah, we have 8 comments.

3:10 Hilarious. And our debut season to this season was more popular than 91% of any other shows released on Spotify. Hell yeah. So any podcast that had a debut season, we did better than 91% of them. That is insane. Staggering considering the amount of work we didn't put into it. Golf Pat on the back, everybody. I can do yours.

3:39 He Carly touched me. He did. He's your brother. I'm not doing anything about that. He outranks me. Anyway, all that is to say thank you to everyone who listened. Everybody commented, shared. Amazing. I suspect the numbers might be a little bit fudged by Spotify to make us feel good about ourselves and continue doing a thing. But we don't care. I don't care. On paper that's great. I'm pretty certain every other podcast I've listened to in the past year is done better. But it's fine, they all are working for companies and have celebrities involved and stuff, whereas we're just four idiots with some microphones, some microphones.

4:20 We're just four idiots with cereal boxes sellotape to our microphones. Yes, we don't have I'm. Experimenting with like not muffling sounds and cross contamination of sound and things but. Oddly enough, if anyone is like adept in or like sound editing, send us an e-mail. Let us know where we're going wrong. Where we're going wrong? Is this me jiggling constantly? All this noise and stuff. I've got a new phone, so I don't have access to the six or nine Gmail at the moment. Do you have access to it?

4:57 Yeah. OK. You've been checking it. Yeah. OK, good. No one. No. 1. No, no, this is fine, Yeah. Anyway I. Think you'll find not a lot of people using e-mail like this. Kind of. Thing, gin, whatever. Sorry, it's Gen ZZ just. I reckon we're Gen whatever. We're millennials. Whatever. Yeah, Jim, whatever. Boomer generation, right? Fucking what? One just. I mean, I own a house, so can we can? We kill malice in this. In much in the same way that I'm verging on the edge of middle class by having a mortgage, I'm definitely verging on fucking Boomer.

5:41 And I'm really old. Yeah, I do like yelling at brown people and waving flags and stuff. So I'm I'm going. I'm. Like Alex is joking, is there going to really talk about? Code. Anyway, D&D. Anyway, yes. So yeah. Very well planned execution of. Of course, it's been a while and I've had a really busy week, so you'll forgive me if I've kind of forgotten, but I will vaguely remember Waterfall last week, or last session rather. Is that right? I've got a hat. You got a hat? I can do the recap because I edited it mostly this morning.

6:18 Excuse me? Go on for old time sake for. Old time sake, go on. Last time in Borovia we guys left the camp of Madame Ava Modern being revived and healed and so on. We decided we were going to keep We'll be Shady on a short leash but relatively free reign for now. We discussed where we were going to go and decided we were going to go to Kershk. You going to Kersk or you going to Valaki? Don't get the fucking map out. The map is for me, not for you, but. We can hear it. We decided, I believe we were going to Kersk to buy me a new hat.

7:03 Oh yeah. No, you stole a hat. Yes, Will stole. Will stole a hat for Ivan. And that came from Kresk. Yes, Will stole a hat for Ivan from Vastani which came from Kresk and we decided we were going to go there to go shopping to buy me a new hat. Along the way we were attacked by a pack of wolves which kept knocking us over, which was tedious as fuck. I'm. Sorry, this ones fidget in and folding paper and this ones rolling dice. Yeah, I know, I know. I'm listening. Yeah, but so is the microphone to every tiny noise you make.

7:44 I'm trying not to move. What part of folding a map is trying not to move? Why? Don't you? Why don't? You take a picture and then you won't hear the like when you zoom in on your phone.

7:58 I've got it now. OK, that's. Fine, carry on. Having defeated the walls, we skinned them, doing a variety of excellent, middling and terrible jobs. Of that we then found the path which led to the bridge over the Sir Paul's or the Sir Waterfalls. Malice thought she saw something at the bottom, so went back down to the bottom of the fuck off. Great Hill was. Getting my steps in. Yeah, and found the cap of Wizardry Magic wizard hat that allows her to cast random cantrip, which is pretty fun. Meanwhile, it was Jackass daring competition about jumping off of the waterfall.

8:41 Having convinced Will that he wouldn't necessarily die forever if he fell off the waterfall, Will did that and with a giant splat, hit the pool. That's where. We are now don't. Believe. Do you believe you actually have rock? The amount of damage you took. You're definitely you're rolling death saves though you're not dead. Yeah. Oh, yes. I realised that my plan was to hear you, but I'm still on the bridge at the top. Yeah. I would like to just take this opportunity to tell you all about the Christmas present that I've ordered everyone.

9:15 It is coming from another country so it hasn't arrived yet, but since this is our Christmas. I didn't do that before the intro sort. Of because it's relevant. It's relevant and everyone will be receiving AT shirt that says It's Always Sunny in Borovia. Fucking awesome. Merry Christmas. Thanks, I didn't get anybody anything. Anyway, that's where they are now, all right? Fucking hell. Yeah, I'm going. That's safe. Get hype running someday. I need your help. I need to get to the bottom of the hill.

9:49 I do believe. Hey, if I'd sit on my horse and then jump my horse off of the bridge, does the horse die and I survive? The the horse has its own HP. That's what I mean. So if I land on the force. So. A death save. Yeah, 2 seconds. A. Death save it's. 10 and up the. Full yeah, if the the full damage will be soaked up by the horse until the horse HP goes flat and then you take the rest of the damage. How much HP is your horse got? Why don't you just walk down while she's doing? That so it's 1000 foot it's like.

10:27 Yeah, it's going. To take me like 10 minutes to do that. Oh, it says 6 or 9, but either way. That's a fail. OK, I'm trying. I'm trying to. Do a medicine check to try and stabilise. You can. Kiss without the lake. Roll a Perception first, so say you understand what you're looking at. 16. The front of Will's skull has been like caved in as he Jesus had planted like face first on a on a boulder. His spine is like dislocated in four major places and his arms and legs are broken. I'm. Not sure my healing.

11:12 Work. I want to get into position. So yes, you may. Hold my arm around Will's head and no. I don't. You killed No. No, this is. Killing me. That any ever tries to be nice to malice after killing me. I'm. I'm going to try, I'm going to try and stabilise. I didn't say I could fix it. I could just stabilise enough that you can get down like I thought I was meant to kill Malice. 12. 1314. 15. Oh, yeah, that's a good role. You, you can't do you, you, you understand that you can't do anything for like the internal damage, like the brain haemorrhaging.

12:02 But you do like, wipe away the blood from like, the head. And you fashion like a tourniquet. And you wrap around like, and you write like, wrap it around. You rashed A tourniquet out of like, hot enough out of some of Will's clothes because you're not going to take your own dress. Absolutely. Not so. Yeah, by the time Ivan gets down the the massive hill. Hey God Will, I'm coming. Malice Malice is finishing off cleaning up the the head wound and bandaging will up. I've got like some. Little. Suckers, and I'm pulling the bone back into place.

12:41 Will. Ow. Make a second. Will you wait? No, no, you stabilise. Oh, OK, never mind. Yes, I get to the bottom of the falls. Can I go over high 5 wheels, unconscious body? You know I can't lay on hands. It would have been better to die because now we're going to come back with like no fucking health and all fucking wonky and then let me die. I would have come back with a new superpower. We wouldn't have been able to hear you in superpowers. Yeah, deepest are not superpowers. Yeah, you've got a really good 1 though.

13:11 No. Confidence. Confidence is good. Pride. I think everything's funny. Yeah, pride. And I mean a zealous an overzealous pride in oneself does not mean that they are really good. Confidence. Whereas I've been sent here by a God to kill the vampire Lord and now I don't think that's not a superpower.

13:36 Most of the adverts I hear on Spotify are about things that give you confidence. Therapy, alcohol, knives like anyway. Knives giving people confidence. They give you Tony points back. Yeah. Nobody else die because have to have a lot of stuff left. Maybe we should put the broken body on on your horse. No I I I high 5 him and all of his bones snap back into position. Yeah, I just didn't want to walk back up the hill. We do have to go back up the hill, you know that, right? Yeah, that's what I mean.

14:10 Like it was the easiest way to get him to let me use his horse is to be completely and utterly broken. No, I don't have to use my legs. Let's not forget I'm a gnome. You really did this just so you could get out of walking. I don't know. I can't. I don't think I can speak yet. Yeah. You're alive. OK. What's matchstick? Matchstick. No, not matchstick. Not matchstick. Not when like match like matchsticks inspo is super poorly right now. And so, in homage to him, we should not kill Matchstick, OK? Like when you, when you, when you regain consciousness, you like immediately start looking around and then you like look up onto, like you look up the waffle up to the bridge and you do it like you see, you see like this little faint outline of a black dog that's like hovering, like it's got the paws up on the wall and he's like, you can see, like he's trying to jump up and you can just about hear the howling.

15:15 Right. Can we should we go back and get matchstick and carry on our way? Did you find anything cool down here, Malice? And I tip my ass. Holy shit. You've also got an awesome hat. And then I'm going to cast a try and cast cantrip. I don't have any. I was a cantrip fireball. Acid spray. No, it's going to be something really like I'm going to, I'm going to cast Major Hand. You have to you have to do ADC 10 investigation check. What does Mei Chan do? It's just a hand. That flies. Around and it just patched you on the head.

15:52 OK, that's a lot more aren't you? That feels patronising when I'm tiny and it's coming from that last what? But you have to make ADC 10 investigation. Oh my God, Alex, what are you? Doing intelligence. Intelligence. Check with you. What is my intelligence? Fuck. Apparently 6.

16:13 So ghost hands. So I got punches, I got like this, Nothing happens. So yeah. OK, cool. Cosmetic, you wait. Pretty neat. Cosmetic spell modification Mage hand. Does someone hand this skeletal? Oh shit, that's fucking rad. You can't see it though, You couldn't faster. When I'm feeling more smart, I'll show. You. I can't wait to see. It one day you will. What's this? Malice wasn't smart enough to do something. I never said anything about Malice being smart. She's just he just said superior to everyone.

16:46 You just said when I'm smart enough, which would imply you're not smart enough. I believe that if malice isn't only to do it, it's probably a problem with the hat, not the malice herself. It's been submerged for a long. Time on the hat? Yes. Anyway, we have to get to lucky, Is that right? Is that it? Aren't we going to Kershk? Oh shut up, Will, you've been concussed. I'm. Right. Yeah. It's it's one, it's one of the two other it's. So there are there are like 3 major places where you can go in Borovia.

17:19 You've been to one of them, which is the village of Borovia. Following it's. A shame that that's one of the major places because A it was a dump of B we fucked it. Yeah, you. Completely bulked it. I think unless, unless we managed to kill Strath, we cannot go back. Yeah, that. Was messy. Following the main quest line, you can either head straight to the castle itself or you can go to Falaki. Although there is outside of the card readings that you had, there is no reason to go to Falaki now because because Ivana is no longer like following you.

18:01 So you had so there is no like quest line reason for you to go there. You know I was. Kind of I was, I was wondering if it would be possible to turn all of the revenants that we see in the land against Strad. They already want to kill him. Right. Yeah, they don't like it. They. Became revenants after trying to fight. Perhaps. There will be a way of of of counteracting our kind of like milk to will deficiencies. Well, well. Will will come in handy? I can I, I'm sure.

18:41 Wow. Fuck it. Yeah. Let's go to Velocity. I bet they have no shocks. Well, we've been incredibly stressed the last couple of days. Let's go somewhere. Fuck yeah. And then they might have potions and calls. Shit. So we should be enveloped. I could. Definitely like buy some actual. Armour. So yeah, as the as the party leaves the wall fall behind and travel northbound, as they crossover the bridge, a cold wind blows, the skies darken and it begins to snow. Snow. I smell snow. Seems strange. I've never liked snow.

19:16 And then I lift my dress out of the snow. I haven't. It's snowing. Do do you have a headache? I have a migraine. I've been having a. Terrible migraine? Well, of course you. Have a migraine? You the Facebook, what are you going to? Attract me for now. Oh yeah, no, I did face pump like a rock, Yeah. It's fucking awesome. I wasn't attacking for it. We had five. Yeah, yeah. Respect. I wouldn't have done that. So as you walk, as you walk through the the the plains, the wilderness, between the little spits and spouts of civilization, come across an elf standing next to a black carriage for history cheques.

19:58 12 but I did just cave my head in so. 16 OK Oh my. Guidance. Myself. Hang on. You all. Day 20. You all recognise it intimately. This is the same black carriage that Spirited will Weigh first died. I know this card somehow drew a cock and pulls on the side of it. You see when you when you point that out, the cock and balls has has been changed and morphed. You scratched you like scratched it out with like a knife and made it look like edgy. This has been morphed and stretched and elongated into a more a more like beautiful, kind of like a flood delay like pattern.

20:41 I scratch a fresh cock and balls. It's a carrot, I shoot it twice and the balls are just for effect. As you approach, as you, as you like approach the the carriage, the elf holds up his hand. He doesn't say anything. He just holds up his hand and he bows graciously and opens up the carriage. No, again, no, I'm joking. You're about, you're about 13 feet away from the ELF. Distance is important right now. Someone. Write that down. No, it's OK, we'll record with it. OK now I pull my gun he directly has and it's like who the fuck are you?

21:30 Yeah, I I add on to that, I go the last time someone got in there, they died. Yeah. You think we're going to do it? I raised my hand. And honestly, it started a chain chain of events that resulted in in us both dying. Can I roll for stealth to go around the back and carve in your cock and balls into it? I have +4 on stealth.

21:50 Oh shit. Oh no wait is that 6 or 9? No, no, for real. It's a nine OK 9. Indicates 11413 I guess as far as drawing a cock. No balls. As you approach, make a make a wisdom saving for. I'm not, I'm not even going to try and stop it this time 19. As you approach the the courage before you're able to even begin etching, you hear the screams of 1000 dead men as Radin stares at you.

22:29 Do not touch the Masters courage. I didn't even get a chance to react to the 1000 dead screams. You suffer. Nope, I'm not getting a chance to react to the 1000 dead screams. You suffer 17 points of psychic damage. Oh, sorry. So yeah, half that. OK I have 12 HP guys, maybe stop trying to carve cock and balls into carriages. In fairness, I I begrudge this carriage. I have issues with it. You willingly got in it. Yeah, but I didn't willingly ask for everything that followed. That has LED us to the moment where I had to kill the pair of you and then fell off a you.

23:11 Didn't knowingly kind of go with it though, right? Like he made a deal with Strap. I don't know why he didn't just stay in hell and insult him and flip him off like. Because I come up to his fucking shin and look how cute matchstick is. Oh yes. Matchstick is being very cute, I admit that, yes. What Rocky is your What do you want? Yeah, let's just get down to brass tacks. What do you want? I am so sick of people trying to get me to go in carriages it. Sounds. Like you've got some shit going on. Sorry, this is not the first time.

23:56 In fact, it's not the Force. Elf in the Woods asked you to step into the garage. Very common thing when you're working with a. She called an Uber once but it was one of those fake carriages that had the sticker in the window. She just didn't see it. Shit. Do. You have a fake taxis. What sort of thing? Yeah, it's a porn joke. It's a fake taxi.

24:26 That's in there then. We do your right. Suit. Leather. Studs, it's a. Little the riding crop.

24:40 Fucker, it's. Funny. You hear the clink of metal on wood and then stone as Shard comes out, exits the exits the car I shoot. At him I hide behind. I already had my gun prepared, so I'm just going to fire him. I scoop matchstick up in my arms and hide behind Ivan, so head in her hands. Probably to have that deer. You think if Matchstick is small to me, he's fucking tiny to you guys. He's like a Chihuahua. I can shoot a stride. Yeah. OK, so 19 to hit.

25:22 He gets out, the character goes and she goes, no, my name is Malik. Yeah, how to offer your piece? 19 does hit. Yeah, I wanted to undo your curses. 10 damage. Is it radiant? No, I should have done that park. What kind of damage? It's just bullet damage. It's bullet danders. Lead. The type that hurts, yeah. Pops lead poisoning. Boom. Are we talking bludgeoning? Are we talking piercing? Piercing, piercing. OK. So that's the resistance. God damn you, good to know I have a second attack. I take that.

25:59 If you wish. OK, then I'm going to bonus action. Clinging onto his ankles at this point. Like I'm going to channel the divinity into my gun and then turn the bullets into radiant damage and then I'm going to shoot them again. That's not AS. Good as fuck. Another six or nine. Oh, it's an advantage because I heard he shot him. Excellent. That's a 24. It's radiant damage. Does that matter? We say it's weak. It's radiant damage. It's all I've got. You would, but it's not down here. Fuck, fuck off. 13 damage.

26:35 The the Gunsmoke hangs in the air for a few seconds, and Strad looks at his shoulder and looks at you and waits for the next round of attack. I honestly thought that was going to be more effective. Guys, don't be fucked up. What could you possibly want? Why are you here? Thank God you have that out of your system. He elongates his fingers, stabs it into his chest, and then pulls out the the two bullets and drops them on the underground. That is such a flex. No malice, it's awesome. One of the other many reasons.

27:13 You know how many people I do that to that can't do that?

27:19 I. Can no way.

27:22 I get my teeth scimitars. He performs a deep, gracious bow before the three of you. It has come to my attention that I am in need of your assistance. Oh, how the day was a fucking turn. That is outstanding. Oh my God, you raped me from the inside out. When you made the comment about having bad breath earlier, were you talking about the fact that Will has like chronically? I thought you've been nasty to me. I was really upset. It's one of your curses you need. To just be in an ask. Oh, it was. Like half an hour ago.

28:12 I just remembered that I was going to be like, what? We can lift our curses then. But then I remembered that mine's just bad breath and actually, if he's a Dick, I was just going to breathe on him anyway. Yeah, sorry, let me laugh but much strad once I help. I am, I cannot, for the trifles of trifles, petty law keeping. Nobody said there was any trifles. I didn't get offered it. I can. I cannot. For the trifles of petty law keeping. That's right. Never have What? About sticky Duffy bidding. That's so good.

28:46 That's for a Dick. However, I have a need for a team of lawyers and you 3 only ones in this cursed land that actually still have their sanity intact. Why do you say cursed like? You weren't the one that cursed. Right. And also we're. Not lawyers. It's not in my tank, not even close. Will killed us like. Four hours ago and. Then he. Jumped he willingly. Jumped off 1000 foot high waterfall. Wait, you want us to go? To you should be finding this whole scenario hilarious. I am. I think we should do it.

29:21 What is happening and where? Is the court because? If it's anywhere near your house then I'm going. I thought you. Wanted to fuck him. Oh. I'm supposed to. Say that to people's faces. I'm trying to act mysterious. It's. A shadow crush God surprised he's giving off. Shadow Daddy energy. Will hasn't spent a shadow Teddy. Will hasn't spent a lot of time around women. He doesn't know what the rules are. Sorry. Will sits on the floor and plays with matchstick, who like, jumps in and out of his lap and runs in circles.

29:50 That's a door you. We know. Take our friend you murder. Them. I thought you were telling him to tell me. Give them a deal where they then kill us, you then proceed to torture us and you ask for our help. In fairness, Madison. This is my lawyer. Alena's coming up. He wasn't actually asked to kill you. He got confused. What did that of? His own volition. I've never had an education. I got confused. Can't spin. You can't really pin that. I got. Confused. Don't get me wrong, he wanted you to be as well, but most of it falls.

30:27 Onto. You and you proceed to ask for our help. Why would we give it to you? In my defence, Malice. He wanted you to be his concubine. And I thought that you would prefer death. And I'm sorry that I misjudged that situation. My body, my body, my. Choice. Psych. I don't. Mean it, OK. Sure. No, I. Mean nobody asked me if I wanted to be his concubine. It was never I got confused, never asked. I just, I just look. At him and like you see what I have to put up with. I feel sorry for you this. Is the chaos that you?

31:15 Created said with really bad breath in Stroud's direction. It is a beautiful kale. Takes a few steps back.

31:26 My boy start to be clear, we. Are intending to kill you. I'm sure he looks better, but what What do we get out of helping you in Stroud looks? Toward the elf that's still cursing by the carriage. His back's got to start hurting. Surely amazing. Honestly, it's not my neck hurts just doing that. Tell them Roden. Roden like immediately snaps to attention. You just say Tarden. Roden, tell them. Roden. Ohh, got it, you heard? Tarden Roden as well, didn't you? Yeah, Rodin. Produces forth a little parchment by undertaking legal matters to do with the city of Valaki in Stratstead.

32:10 The three Avengers will be given not only the chance to return to their homes as of which but also a selected number of items from the Lord's treasury, as well as a personal thank you from the Lord. Does a quick bow. And then he gets back up. And then he climbs up the carriage and takes the reins. Listen. No, no. No, I was looking at this squirrel. Yeah, I could just. I could hear Patty cake. Patty cake. Yeah, that's because Will be was doing it. I'm really sorry you've caught us. At a bad time.

32:50 We're coming. Off the back of some. Pretty intense. Shit, yeah, it's been less than 24 hours. Honestly, we're all still rebuilding our friendships after what happened. You know what I'll take? I'll take some items. I don't know that. Doing any type of deal with Strad is a good idea. Let's Shard, Strad waves his. Hand we want to know what the free. Stuff is and the. The fog. The Fog. Drags in. No, we'll do it. We'll do it. OK, we said we'll do it. I'm feeling. That I'm not happy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's fine.

33:20 It's fine. He's right here. I don't. Think we have a fucking choice? Define lawyer. I I lift my skirt and I walk towards the carriage and Ioffer my hand up to someone to help some to help me in. It's really funny that you think he wants us to go in his carriage. You just assumed that that's where you're going. Well, fuck, I'm going. It's going to be a bit strad curtsies and. As and he offers you his bowels. Curtsies. You know what? I know it. I like. I like. This I like the idea. I wipe my hands down my corset.

33:52 I have a corset in case it's cannon. I put my hand in. I get in the carriage. Holy shit as. What are we? Do we go back with them? Or we. I thought, I thought you were coming with me. You've got a fucking horse, right? Sorry as you as you about. Me. As you touch John's hand, the colour and the arrangement of your dress change to a more regal, more more ancient, quote unquote Victorian ass. Holy shit do me. Set of clothing. The it's like a lace filigree with leather like strand bindings underneath and then right across the brush bosom is the the symbol of Ravencroft do.

34:41 You know what? I gave her some change of clothes.

34:50 They were not royal clothes. OK, cool, On we go. She's yelling. At me. I Malice is malicious. You know what? As much as she doesn't want to be in the vicinity of stride, she really fucking likes this dress. So she's going to stride, then turns. Towards Will and Ivan, and he holds out her hand. Oh, we all getting in. Well, this was just for me.

35:17 All of you. I was stretched over the back of the bed. You're. Offering. Us a hand to help us. In Yeah, well, as Will is so tiny, I instead put my hands up to him like my little hands Strad stifles. A laugh bites. He bites his inner lip and he actually does that, Bends down, he does. Actually bend down and pick. You up gently under my. Arms and. Puts you into the car like this? I've got that. And as he. Lives you. You too have the straight half of this strange effect. Your clothes become lighter and more tailored to your like, your fit in your build and you when you like, examine yourself.

36:09 You're wearing a crisp white ruffled shirt with Raven Craft cufflinks. My favourite. Godfather Fresh. Boots I'm. Going to be the bell of the ball. If you dress and all the time, what does what does what does matchstick get? Matchstick gets a bow tie. Does it have a collar? Does it have a collar? Yeah, no, it's just pinned. To his fucking skin, it is a it's like, like a shirt collar. Oh yeah, it is a. It's a. It's a. Thick leather bound purple and black, purple inlay and black like collar and the the bow tie is red and black and it's.

36:52 I woke up to stride. And I stopped a few paces. I am up and down and I say these facts happen. You are a devil's trust. And we are natural enemies. But what if you were some free items? And I'm kind of curious to see what happens. Also, I have an incredible sense of humour now, so I think it's kind of funny that you come to ask for us. And I don't think we have much of A choice. I feel like you would kill us if we said no. Also, I don't need your help getting into the cart. I'm a big boy, I I. I lean, I lean out and I lean to Strat and I go.

37:28 If you do the weird close thing with him, just give him a nice hat and then I get back in my it only works. If they accept he has not accepted, offer your. Hands this this is a bit of a shame. Hold Straty's. Hand.

37:49 I I struggle to get. Into the car. What he like puts his hand. On like straws you're tall, I'll. Be.

38:01 I'm the tallest one. Here Straw gets annoyed and just you up anyway. Yeah, I do that. Really. Like struggling. Like not really climbing in roll. Roll a strength. Or athletics check at disadvantage 5. 5. Straub watches you. Struggle up on up onto the the metal step of the the carriage for like a few minutes and then he kneels down and he he very gently tugs his hands underneath your shoulders and just gives you a little bit of a he. Shapes his hands around your. Butt cheeks and lips. And as you. As you step into as you step into the carriage, the armour under the the armour that you wear feels a little bit lighter and has been polished to almost a mirror Sheen.

39:02 Your robes have now taken on a more pontiferity kind of look. You're less you, you look less like a like a like a normal hooded monk, but more of like a like a religious person of stature. You know, it's like filigree and like, you do mean like a Bishop? Or or yeah, I don't know what a pontifract is. A place, Yeah. But Pontiff, Pontiff. Pontiff as well, man. Yeah, yeah. Pontifact Cakes. Yeah, I was. I was. Imagining being like black and glossy but fine. The the filigree in the. Design is a red, purple and blue.

39:42 Oh shit that looks so cool. What? About my hat Straw straw. It is a Topper. Oh. Fuck it. Nice. Oh my God, that. Looks so badass. OK, let's go defend this monster in court. I didn't get a fucking hat. You've. Got the wrong. You're not worried. I did ask nicely. I asked for uppies.

40:08 Uppies are very. Different. I just look at Strad. I'm like, are you my daddy now? Daddy. Strad.

40:14 Daddy. Strad. Sugar Daddy. Avenged Shadow Daddy. Sugar daddy Stroud. I mean also Sugar daddy Stroud, right? I think you got some money. Hashtag. Hashtag. Sugar. Daddy Stroud, please be aware. Under normal circumstances I would be less abiding, however this is a matter of the land and as such I do believe our game of catamounts can be suspended for the time being. We make for my castle. Please no questions, just close your eyes. Save. Your breath. And appreciate the gift I'm about to give you, Alice Malice.

40:59 Yeah, this is like the bit and the friends to lovers of romance, whether it takes the first like turn to make force proximity. Yeah, Yeah. And he waves his hand. Out the carriage window and the carriage you you hear rather than like crack the whip and the horses take off and like a weird supernatural speed like you feel like pull back, but you stabilise very quickly and you feel the car, the courage kind of lean up as you're going all on the the mountain path, all the shit with all the snow flying path.

41:37 It's like being in hyperspace and Strad waves his. Hand out the window and he beckons you to watch. The fog that surrounds the valley of Borovia completely disappears in an instant. Just gone if. We could do that the entire. Time. The. The overcast, The overcast greyness of the sky. It becomes so thin you can almost make out a sunbeam, but it's snowing at the same. Time Well, he cleared the snow that's. What? He's saying No. He cleared the fog. You. Can see like it's the whole entire valley, a magical land.

42:20 It's a world of magic. And mystery where? Come on, you're a goddamn vampire. Oh. Yeah, I'm a vampire now, aren't? I I haven't had anything to eat in a really long time. It's been like 6 hours. Oh, OK. This. I don't know. I fell. Off a Cliff and now everything's kind of wacky. This is what my land used to. Look, like back when I believed it deserved the chance of life, it failed. Me, I don't think. You should be able to. Make that decision. Yeah, it's wild. Maybe this is what we're. Defending in court.

42:55 Sorry, no questions in other. Words the only way the DM. Can get through it is by being and you're not allowed to ask any. Questions. Yeah, it's really.

43:07 Hard. It's been a. Couple of weeks, you know, we're all. Like. As the as you descend along the as you descend higher and higher along the the mountain Ridge. You see Hawks. And Ravens take flight from the canopy below you, and they begin trailing behind the carrot. Ioffer you one other gift. Consider this as a personal thank you for helping me with a judicial issue. And he claps his hands twice, and he dissolves in a mist into like, into like the back of his back of his like where he's singing in the carriage.

43:46 And then he has completely disappeared. And all of the overcast grainers is washed away by this bright light. And the sun shines over Borovia. This has not happened in over 400 years and you hear his voice one last time before the the carriage may pulls up towards the castle. Behold the last time this dismal van shock or piece of miserable garbage as it soaks up the last rays of sunlight. For I shall never allow the light to shine on my lands while I live ever again. Technically not alive. As. As.

44:26 You step out of the carriage. The the. Grounds of the Ravencloth. The grounds of Ravencloth Castle kind of morph and misshape and they like reality dances around your eyes. There's a lot of like orbs and like if. You think like when you get a. Migraine, you see like little flashes of colour in your black peripheral vision. It's kind kind of like that. And as you step forward towards the castle, reality kind of opens up these weird doors. You. Know it kind of like bends. In half and you step into a courtroom where you see an old man in in like a like a dock with like bars.

45:13 Will recognises this scene. I'm certain. Get anxiety? This past. And then you hear, you hear Strads voice booming loud and like official. The crimes levied against this individual Mr Being see as brought to me by the accuser, the burger master of Valaki are as follows. Stalking, unlawful surveillance, breaking and entering multiple accounts of larceny, slavery. You 3 are to put your minds together Miss Enfield with your culture and your highest standing, you. You will be most useful in putting forward any argument that will sway the jury open.

46:03 Dunk Hill Our. Lands are, ancestrally speaking. Our lands follow the laws and the regulations of the Father of the Dawn and the Mother of the night. Our laws are more or less the same as your laws. We'll be Shady, the criminal of the group, using your talents and your knowledge of criminality. Piece through the evidence to. See whether or not this man deserves to be tried guilty. Well, that was really fast. Was so efficient. How about that everyone was as soon as the last of. Me mutter. It's not an assumption if they've got mounting.

46:49 Evidence and he hands you, seeing you. Doing the crime? He hands. You this and he hands. You and he hands will from he like leans over his his like pulpit and he hands will this big thick fucking document. It's like 5-6 inches thick. Excellent. Oh my. God, I literally had to. Read a book yesterday when you sit. And when you when you you're like you're shown to your table and then you're and then you sit down and as you're like, as you all re quickly, like thumb throat, you very quickly realise that most of this is names and other lists with like boxes next to them.

47:27 Are these people that have been robbed? Or we will give you and. He, he opens up his pocket watch. We'll give you 20 minutes to deliberate with the, with the accused before we, before I ask of your statements. And he claps his hands. And you, like, the next thing that you'll see is you're in this like drawing room. There are books everywhere. There's this big roaring fireplace. And there's this large table with a very large pitcher of wine and four classes. And the old man is like, like, sorry, saying like he's already sat at the table, but he's like, cuffed.

48:08 My vote guys, is get him. Drunk and then I'll roll Intimidation. Yeah. What's what's his name? Sorry, Mr Binksy. Mr Binksy. Binks. No, sorry Blinksy. Yeah, Mr Blinksy. What's Malice's part in all this? She's just classier. From the rest of us, OK, They assume that because she's rich, she's better. She's got no input. She pulls power. Yeah, it does I I think. And the richness does equate to. Moral betterment we should. Get him drunk and then roll intimidation. That's a good idea I go over to. Mr Blixie and I, Mr Blixie, I have a question for you when you're done laughing at him, because there's a serious.

48:45 Situation. Mr Blixie, I have a question for you. I grabbed him by by. The car, listen to it. You have to tell us if you do it I. I just I. Just make the toys what? I just make the toys. What toys? What is? He supposed to make for an elf, no? I'm a toy maker. I have. I have a. Workshop And every year I, I, I I, I, I, I, I enlist a group of people who then go out and deliver toys to all of the families In, in, in, in Vilaki. I believe slavery was on the list. Of charges, how do you enlist the help?

49:32 They ask for a job. And I say yes, and then I pay them. How, How? How much do you? Pay them and in in what? Way. Do you pay them? Do they have insurance? Why? And health benefits. And why would they see more than three of them talking together do? You disrupt that conversation. You assume it's a union. Also, why I don't know so much someone, so many people would randomly assume that you have work. Why? What? What? Was the crime here breaking and entering slavery? Breaking, Entering lastly. Slavery and unlawful unlawful surveillance.

50:06 Stalking, stalking. Unlawful. Surveillance, breaking and entering all kinds of last names like. What's? Last name theft. But of theft of a different kind of theft of like classic theft, it's. Taking like a jewels and money and OK. Personal. I think it's guilty. What did you steal? What did you steal? It's really stupid. It's part of the payment system that's been involved that in my family for the last few 100 years, and it's always been the same. In Valaki, if you want a binxy doll on the year of on the day of the Yuletide, you leave out a milk and a carrot and a cookie.

50:50 I can't be blamed. If it goes missing.

50:56 Not my fault he's. Guilty, guilty, guilty. It sounds like he's taken. The milk and the cookie in the cart. However, it sounds like there is precedent for this I need. Access to that legal. Library How long? How long has this system been I? Thought NCR yesterday. How long has this system been? It's not coming. Crumb. Look at it. Look at his mouth.

51:23 There's carrot in there. I can see it start. I need you to do a storm. Movement. So we can send it off to the labs to see what you ate last shit yourself. Shoot in the. Fire. Shoot in the fire, we'll be able to. Tell. Guilty. I'm. Beginning to think he's. Taking it but. The thing is, this is the thing will okay, you won't understand this because you just steal shit. But if he is, as he said, the system is you go into the home and he delivers a toy and impairment. He takes milk, cookies and carrots, but he's not paying his.

52:05 Workers right, Let's break you down. How much you pay your workers 7 duckets an. Hour. Where's proof there's? Ledgers in. My workshop Okay, how much do you pay into the? Pension system every year, the pairs you want it looks, it looks. At you for a second. As an employer, you should know. What the minimum rate is is whatever you feel like because fuck that, there is no something as a pension. You see? What about this? Surveillance. Charge, why have you been? Given a break off. That's that's. That's that's.

52:35 That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's so charged. That's jumped up. It's, it's nonsense. That's history. Or religion, yeah. Or something to see if I've heard of this. Kind of behaviour elsewhere I'm sure. This is some kind of. Precedence my raw intimidation. See how true it is? Kind of. Like bad cock. You know, 17 you're quite scary. You're you're on the. Table and you're you're you're brandishing your teeth and even though you look I breathe on him yes still smell bad if I go with. Inside 17 OK, you've.

53:07 Yeah. Yeah, this. You've heard of this before. The the reason why it doesn't like quite fit because it's almost too obvious. The crimes, the like the the crimes, unlike the the motif and everything is kind of a very, very heavily reminiscent of the the father of the Yuletide, the the gift giver of the of the Yuletide, which is a paganistic like belief of like celebrating the surviving of the year and giving thanks and gifts to each other. And never would we have a. Similar thing for the yuletide celebration.

53:51 I feel like the the death, the larceny is explainable. It's a precedent that's been set. This is a hundreds of years old system of exchange. Admittedly, it's more of a traditional thing than an actual system of law, but if it's understood if the people have left these items out for Mr Blinksy to to take, then he's within his right. The question is the breaking and entering. They leave these things out in their home for you to take, so presumably they're expecting you to come home. Yeah. Also, what's the?

54:24 Stalking charge I keep tabs of. The the children within the city of Malarkey. OK, it's going to be harder. To spend that, that's not OK. I, I I get I. Get, I get my helpers and I, I, I, I get them to ask their parents on certain times of the year, how on a scale of 1 to 10, how good the children have been. And, and he, he, he gestures to the, the, the giant folder and there's all the names. I just haven't gotten round to ticking them off yet. It's, it's, it's like a, it's like a list to see whether they've been naughty this year or nice.

55:03 And the good kids, they, they, they, they, they, they get one of my tolls. I think he's guilty. The bad kids, they don't. I. Am going to go to the. Folder and I'm going to get the list of names out. Going to have a look at if there's anything. Look up matchstick, see if. He's in there. Matchstick's a good boy. I think we need to to think about what results Strad would want. Do you say the? Children that you have determined to be nice get a doll. What happens to children that have been determined to be bad they they don't get.

55:36 One just not doll What? Do they get? Do they get cold? They they. They don't get anything and it's not from me. And what criteria? Do you use? To determine goodness or vadnais or naughtiness and niceness. The the the. People that I hire usually they they, they, they, they talk to the parents, they find out how well they've been the, the behaviour throughout the year. They're, they're more than moral choices and half they've been upstanding citizens in the of the of the of the of the city. It's. It's it's it's it's.

56:14 All it's all above, it's all above board. It's it's kind of like a census in a weird way. Out of curiosity. Who is it that has brought this charges against you? The mayor of Vlaki, he believes me to be a charlatan also. What gives you the right to? Pick and choose that you get to like, make toys and and share well. I'm that's, that's what I do. I'm I'm, I'm a toy maker. That's my profession. Yeah, but like, why do you get to? Decide who's good and who's bad. And why do you choose to deliver toys?

56:44 That's weird. Surely you'd want to make money? I ask the parents. Throughout the year and I keep a very what's in it for you? You're. Paying staff, you're paying materials to make toys, you're doing all the legwork. What is in it for you? I am helping the. The city of Valaki maintain its joy. That sounds like a crackpot. That sounds like bollocks to me. I don't know. I don't believe. Them I. Suspect it helps keep children. Can I roll intimidation again? You come. On intimidation. 13 Yeah, he. Is he is afraid of?

57:14 You and he is being as sincere as he can be the way that he the way that he said he is helping maintain the jury. It sounds like that's a big deal for Valaki. Does this help? How long have? You been working in Valaki give or take 2. 100 and 200 years How long has been mayor been? In power in Valaki current. Mayor. Mayor Valakova has been in power for the last 110. Why has he suddenly had an issue? Because the man is. Insane. OK, it seems. Incredibly like Wayne Falaki. I've went there but I've heard.

57:55 Things. When, when, when you? When when you. When you meet him, you will understand the men of Falaki will be at the trial. Yes, will there? Will there be other? People from Falaki there perhaps parents we could talk to cross examine or get one of I I've. Been told that one of my workers has been apprehended and is on his way here as well. Can I sleight of hand the. Cuffs off of him. I'm just going to bust him out. Yes, thanks, that's natural. Fuck. So that's the thirty. OK, my less I don't think this is.

58:29 Necessary put it down, but good to have a better. Thank you very much. I don't think the justice. System is. Possibly corrupted and. Like as as the the. Cuffs fall to the floor like a little bit of redness is restored to his to his cheeks and his hair begins to like tidy like almost like very, very slowly Maji. But he begins to like tidy itself up like almost on time, as if he has an image his like those if like the cuffs were like holding something back. And I do like an Arcana check. On the cuffs?

58:58 Yep, not 20. Fuck off.

59:02 I was I. No, I, I. Saw, I saw. I saw everything. They are. They are cups. Of funny enough they are cups of binding. They make the wearer feel more feeble and they drain not so much life energy but soul. For lack of about what they drain the soul, I. Apologise for coming across so aggressive, I think we all got a little over. Excited at the. Beginning there? Not often anyone, actually. Asks my opinion on something I have. Seen so. Many courtrooms and I just really wanted to. It's true, Will has been through this.

59:38 Exact process so many times would you you know? Can I use my channel divinity? Yes, it says for the next 10 minutes I can know the location of celestials, fiends and undead and you know it's creature type and the same radius. You also detect the presence of place object that has been consecrated or desecrated. Can I just use that to see if I get a ping off of him? Yep. Do I get a ping off of him? You do, but at the. Same time you don't he is the the ping you get is is celestial, but it's not bound to anywhere other than here.

1:00:12 Interesting. And about. 60 feet away from you, from what if, like behind you, almost on the other side of the doors, you feel a you feel like you. You pick up a ping that does not belong in this room. Go ahead in the door. Yeah, OK. You run something. I. Walk powerfully. Yeah, this lasts. For 10 minutes. Try. Open the. Door swing it. Open you see to. Valakian guards in like heavy like I like the steel armour. Shoving a cat like a humanoid creature to a chat. We would like to question that one. No, not again.

1:00:56 Lucky. And God they look at. You and they immediately see like the the badges of office that you or that you all have the clothing that you wear, and they wordlessly bow their head and they shove the the cat like Lloyd in your in your presence. I like put my hand on the. Cat like creature's back and much more. Gently allow them into. The room and then I shut the door. Thank you Who? Are you I'm? He sways a bit, and then yeah. He sits down and nods towards Mr Blanksy, who just gives. Him. You're one of his slaves.

1:01:31 Sorry, employees. Adventured employees. I'm felonious. Binksy, I'm not a slave. Felonious. Yes. Are you? It's going to be 1/2 in. Frames of a name like. That for him we need to we need to work on your image in the same I. Kind of. So I. I, I can kind of like do this thing, but I can only ever do it when I am totally off my face and it is amazing. I can just disappear and it would be like the I would never even existed. It's great, but I can't I can't do that right now and I would like. To. I don't want to be here anymore.

1:02:15 Oh thank God, sorry. How do you know? Each other. Yeah, I've been here for about. 100 years and I've been working with him because he's a really nice guy. What have you been doing with him? He. Pulls out. He pulls. Out like a large class from the picture I I help assemble the dolls. I I told them the ruins that the dolls could learn to speak and and and I, I make the little clothes. That's what I was. Can I draw a history check? On what they binxy dolls, can I roll a history? Check see if I've ever.

1:02:48 Heard of one? I'll give you a help action. Is it like little Boo boos? It's not 20, not 20. You especially. If you did that. Wouldn't she's very excited and wants a. Blinksy doll. Yeah, apparently. Oh my. God, that's. So funny. I don't want a blinksy doll that got that fucking. Tariff. That is a Binksy doll. That's horrific. That's OK. The wink the second the wink the. 2nd is a doll. That is made by Binksy, and the marionettes and puppets that they make all look the same and all bear the same tag on the bottom.

1:03:22 It's no. Fun. There's no Binksy. The guy makes them. It's called Blinksy. He's a liar. He's a thief, he's a crook. With that next 20 you're looking in Arrow. Can I assume that I might have? Gotten 1 as a child. He's making counterfeit dolls. Or is it only in here? It's only for Borovia, the blue one. 'S a Binksy his? Name is. Blinksy. The dolls are Binksy, but his name is Blinksy. This guy's called. This guy is. Called Binksy the cat. The. Feline, his name is Binksy, the guy who was being arrested and is and on trial is Blinksy.

1:03:57 So Blinksy is. A common And he's a liar. Binksy Blinksy. He's guilty. I was right. Holy. She's guilty, we've cracked this Guilty. We are supposed to be defending him though. Yes, I kill Blinksy. 45 Stop. What are you doing? 12 Is he? Dead. How do? You how? Do you engage this action? I don't know. I was just. Trying to I grapple. I grapple. Well, no, I was joking. But. This guy is the real deal, and that guy is a criminal because they know each other, so they're not angry at each other. Do you have beef with the fact that he's copywriting you?

1:04:43 He's not. He's not. He's. The delivery system. No the. Blinksy said he's the toy maker and he makes all the decisions and all the all that stuff, but it's actually Binksy. Binksy makes the toys, yes, but Blinksy, the guy that was arrested, said it was him. I don't think it matters about their second. Name because the dolls. The dolls that everyone is arguing about is Binksy dolls right? And if if Blinksy is taking all the credit from Binksy, he's not Binksy. He's blinks. Sorry, Blinks. The words of bluster meaning yes.

1:05:20 Do you have an issue with Blinksy? Whose name is Blinksy. Calling the dolls Binksy or the doll Your name's your idea No the the. Dolls. The the dolls are his. I just help. It's fine. Blinksy. And he's named Blinksy. It's no fun. There's no Binksy. It just it just works. Not what I was asking why? He called Blinksy and he called Binksy. Just on names. Not 20. I know of these. Dolls though, yes, you have. You have heard that you've heard of them has like 15. Pikachu 1A Deadpool one Yeah, I. Think I don't.

1:05:59 Understand, Blinksy, like each other or not, Yeah, of course they do. They're friends. Or do they they work together I. Don't Why? Is the mayor of Alaki. Suddenly decided that he doesn't like this action happening. Well, we're running out of time, so. We need to come to a verdict. I think like now, I think he's not guilty. I think he's guilty. I think he's done all of the stuff. But I. Don't know if it's necessarily a crime. Why does God want? Us to find him Well this is what I'm worried we need to cross.

1:06:24 Examine the mayor of Alaki to find out where he's standing. Should we go back to? Let's go back to the courtroom. Bring the mayor. We've got a pretty good. Case that this is a. This is a set president, yeah, but the people of Valaki come to expect it is the mayor that is stepping out of the line here. We keep felonious Big C here, and we use him as a surprise witness. If we need it for shock value, I think we should do whatever. Stroud wants us to do so that we don't get killed again. Did he actually say what he wanted?

1:06:52 He just wanted to want to do he. Wanted sane minds of three specific backgrounds to defend. He doesn't care to. Defend I. Click my fingers. So we want to find him innocent? Yes, and don't go back. He's innocent because I don't have any magic. So I just shut. Up, I really thought. Something was going to. Happen. I know he's just felonious. Whatever. Helenious. Kind of. Leans in. He needs to be in this are. You trying to or stroud's? Going to kill us again. You're trying to get get someone. Back to the courtroom.

1:07:22 If you if you do it. But stand behind me and then I can lick my fingers. Can you make it that? Like I did it? Kind of, but no. Watch he he probably he died. He like opens up his cloak, pulls out his pulls out this device. He winds up 3 cloaks on the side. He pulls back like this lever and then pushes something on the inside of it and it shoots out this little green like blue. You got the other for this one. And as the as the. Goo like stretches out, it warps around you and then you are back in the courtroom.

1:07:55 But hey, we're always. Able to do that I have. Innate magic, that's. Amazing. Thank you. Incredible, right? We would. Like to speak to the mayor, we are calling the the. Court to action of OH. Hello Judge, please tell me the. Judges, not the mayor. Of Valaki, the mayor of. Valaki slams his hands on the table and he rises and points towards the the old Mr Blinksy, the old man who is now out of cops. He is a fraud, your honour. Do you not see the man before you is not the holy one that he believes himself to be, And I'm Javert.

1:08:37 Strad. Cups Strad cups his hands in his in cups his hands over his face. I said that you can talk, it's fine. You're not mad. You're not half as mad as this. And he the match like sweeps like sweeps, his hands wide over his desk and point. Once again. Points of Blinksy He is a criminal. He has been charged. He has been found guilty for breaking and entering and larceny and slavery. Well my. Hand. Over his mouth and I go, I go. What the mayor does not know is that this is a well loved tradition and these crimes that we assume are being are going on.

1:09:33 I've got part of the tradition. And I don't.

1:09:41 I believe. This man to be innocent and this man to be a fucking. Get a new mesh. Mic drop and then I leave. I need a beat. I can. Defend this man. Sorry, OK. Everybody thinks this man is a criminal, but that's not a beat though. Is it? That's just. Dancing. It's not even sound movement.

1:10:15 Boys down, but just movement. Everybody thinks that man's committed crime, but he hasn't. Everything he does is fine. Everyone's thinking he's spying on little boys and little girls and boys, but actually he's just doing it so that he can supply them with toys. You might think that's probably kind of creepy, but. He's. Doing it for good reasons. He's kept the behaviour. Of the Lucky's children in quite a good place for many, many seasons. Yes, he breaks into. The many, many houses to give gifts to the offspring of spouses.

1:10:57 He takes. Milk and carrots and cookies but shit as payment for the toys he gives to the product of nookie. It's. Going to sound great when you get it together.

1:11:21 The slavery thing is a little. Hard to defend, but the greatness of his work, even when it drives. It is. It employs round the bend, yes. Just. To chime in, you don't have to sing. But then you would have missed out on that. I would also. Like to point. Out that we have. Spoken to one of his employees with the whole slave thing and they seemed rather happy to be there. Yeah, it seems like everyone's kind of it's. A charity thing. They're doing it of the kindness of their hearts. Shod looks towards.

1:11:59 The the burger master of Valaki, who's like still being bound because finally shaking his wrist.

1:12:11 I. Put. It back, I put it in court. This man, Mr Brinksy, has been doing a great service to the people here, the Lucky and Brovia at large, for hundreds of years. He has kept the children of this land in check. He has modified their behaviour, He has made them polite and well mannered in the hopes that they would get a Blinksy doll or a Blinksy. Doll, I forget which is which. It's a Blinksy doll. It doesn't matter. It's no fun. It's no blinksy. The fact is. Hundreds of years of president have meant that Mister Blinksy has felt obliged, required even, to come into houses of people at night.

1:13:01 He has left the payment. By the people of these arms, he takes the payment, he offers a doll, he shares the payment with his followers. This is all all work of a good Lord, good man, yes. The question is, who is the Lord that He serves now as a? Man of of the. Light I would ordinarily argue that he is doing the Lord the work of the dawn. Fucking rude. However. I appreciate that the light that does not really shine on this land, which can only possibly mean that the Lord that this man does work for is in fact the Lord Sturrad and therefore.

1:13:42 If it's. Never lucky as you call yourself. If you are trying to oust this man, if you're trying to punish him for doing the work of Strad, you are in fact an enemy of Strad. Should be punished Traitor. I addressed my case. And also he sings. Too much and. He's trying to. Yes, he is. God leans forward. You put forward a good case. So you believe that this individual is actually a member of the Yuletide court? Yes, I absolutely. Believe that court is in recess for the next. 5 minutes while I come to a decision and weigh up the balances of the arguments for and against Shard re enters the the courtroom.

1:14:31 The bargain. All right, that's what you. Do in court lies?

1:14:40 I'm not actually doing that because I'm disabled. Be suited. Can't get out that quick. I'm sorry it's hard doing a visual joke on. A microphone, whatever, I feel like I supported it.

1:14:54 After much deliberation and the and reviewing of the of the accounts for one against this court finds the defendant, Mr Blinksy, innocent of the crimes levied against him. However, he is guilty of being a member of the Yuletide court because there's a completely different set of charges, not the one who would tell us we're defending. Him against time. Order order.

1:15:27 Objection. You gotta change the charges that you are bringing against someone. Mistrial. Yeah, you can't. There's. Some kind of also. Like a double jeopardy or? Something I don't. Know maybe just take a chill pill. My domain. Motherfuckers. So basically he just wanted to waste our. Time Malice was drinking with the cat person for a while.

1:15:47 She missed the whole trial. Yeah, wasted. I'm not retrying anyone. 'S no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, he is. No, it's fair. He is, and certainly. He is a member of the your court. That's fine. You have fulfilled. The obligation upon which I have levied engaged what? What is happening? To Mr Blinksy then, if he's been found guilty of being a member of the all time court, that is no. Longer your concern, he's going to hell. Yeah, well, this. Is not great for him. But we did our jobs throughout. Yeah, give us our stuff.

1:16:15 If you can kindly drop us off. Perhaps in your throne room, maybe some more of that wine. Oh shit, the wine. 'S a good idea Oh no, he's going to just give you wine as a gift. We'll party when we get out of. The carriage. We'll sit up camp and pie. Good idea. Let's go as. He stands up. And walks towards the three of you. The the the pews of the court disappear behind him in darkness like like row by row by row. And then he shakes all three of your hands like one at a time. And when he gets to will, you are back on the bridge where he wear rod and boundary.

1:16:54 How are you keeping your inventory on a piece of paper? It's. All in my skirt. It's all in your skirt. Yeah, I've got like. A. Like a knapsack, Like a satchel. Yeah, I told. You I've got. Like a leather and that stick has a little saddlebag on my on my thigh. It goes on his back and then it's got bags on the side. Summer bag.

1:17:15 OK. And I I usually have myself. In a bag on my bag. All right, so. Yeah, when you. Re. Materialise on the bridge overlooking the Sir Paul's and the encampment below. The saddlebags. That are on matchstick are filled with three items that have been wrapped in bright auspicious paper and there there are tags that are like stuck onto them wearing in brilliant like cursive handwriting. Will seriously would have read that evil vampire. Guy. He's got fancy handwriting. He has absolutely beautiful. Handwriting it is it really is terrific.

1:18:02 When you find his journal, I will show you will the parcel that has your name on contains like a wooden box inside the wooden box, thin leather like a thin leather like almost like bat wing material gloves, but on the outside they resemble the hands of skeletons. Nice. How emo? These are the hands. Of the skeleton key. When you wear these it grants you a + 2 to lock pick. That's Andy Nice they have. These. Stools Malice, Yeah. Your parcel. Is so ever so slightly bigger than than than wheels. It feels a little bit heavier too.

1:18:46 And as you tear into it and you pull up this, this weird, almost like mithral esque, like like fashion, like like a little hat. So it's the helm of brilliance encrusted with diamonds. As well, apparently I knew he liked me. Malice is like, oh, another man that's in love with me. So annoying, such a difficult life so. Hard that just. Is amazing. So neat. Quite. Cool gloves, but you've got an actual fashion that studded with diamonds. I mean, he's a he's a wealthy man, but it feels ostentatious. He's cheap.

1:19:21 Why is she getting diamonds? I've got. Gloves right? Diamonds are for a certain status.

1:19:33 It's really. Good item by. The way what? Does it? Do we'll. Find out. There's a lot of text. Yeah, we'll find out.

1:19:44 Ivan, you. Pick up your. Parcel and it is this kind of like a long like a long thin rectangle like box. Oh nice. It's got a little. Bit of weight to it. Tear into it and you. Open it up and it is a it's a goblet kind. Of it's like. A like 1/2 arm like like a like a piece of armour that only goes up to like the elbow and the the section that covers over the the forearm has got a large like embracement like like a large like plate coming out of the top and the bottom piece of the arm and on the surface of the of the metal is an emblazed silver dragon.

1:20:35 This is the shield. Of the Silver Dragon, it sounds like it opens up. Iron style. You slide it on. And then the plates kind of go just like spring up. Look, it opens up like. Iron Man's shield thing that he uses to block bullets. Holy shit they love the Marvel. Universe in this world, fuck you. I'm. Normally more of a silver. Surfer kind of guy. Go.

1:21:06 Go, go back, the shield whispers. Warnings to its bearer and granting a + 2 to initiative. If the bearer isn't incapacitated, we shut down. Is it just is it just do a normal normal shield anyways like a plus or anything plus 2A plus two shield +2 shield just. Fucking hell, holy shit. This thing is bad. What was my thing called the? Helmet of Brilliance. Yeah. You're going to need some rolls and. Dice for that. But yes, that's that's a fucking sick thing. That's like a proper one dress item anyway, But this is these are your.

1:21:47 Gifts for Aiden Strad with a legal matter in the land. By doing this I have removed these items from the treasury, which at some point you will eventually come. You would you would eventually come across anyway. Awesome. So thank you very much for playing. Everyone yeah, sorry about the the awkwardness of it all. It's a problem. It's. Like a little 1 short adventure I wanted to camping but that's. Actually. Pretty good. I like a courtroom. Drama. I wanted to like, wanted to get. Something done. Yeah, Yeah, I like that.

1:22:22 That was that was Alex. She's. Reading about her, there's there's, there's a. Lot going on with that bloody thing, so yeah. Yeah, well, yeah, I do. Feel. I've also read the fucking description of it, it's pretty amazing so I've all had a few. Things obviously the the helm of brilliance is like an actual supposed to be like an actual helm, but that wouldn't work for you. So that's a fashion that wouldn't want the hair. And the the the. The shield of the the shield of the silver dragon is supposed to be like this giant kite shield.

1:22:54 That's dope. I'll slap that down into like a piece of like wearable armour as well. Yeah, Because I think it makes more sense for you. Yeah, I'm totally decided. What? I guess I probably keep it on my offhand. So I bag with the guy, then someone comes in. That's so good aim. Over it. Quite. Yes. All right, I'm getting caught the hit, baby. Yeah, so. Thanks very much for playing. Thank you guys very much for listening. Thank you guys for following us throughout our first year. You can obviously, you can find us on Spotify where you've been listening, and you can find us on Instagram, 609 DND and we have an e-mail address, 609 [email protected].

1:23:38 Yes, holds. It things comes. Out just. After Christmas. I fucking be bothered. I'll release it on Christmas, but I'll probably be busy. Wish people the Merry Christmas. Slash a happy new year. Yeah, Merry. Christmas. Christmas I think we got. The slight. The slight. Undertow. Subtle undertones of Christmas theming in this one. That was fun. I like that. Yeah. Yeah. Well done. Thank you. Thank you. I. Wish I had. I wish I had fucking planned it better. I would have been so. Bad if. We hadn't spent two hours rambling leading up to it and then half an hour trying to do it, do you think?

1:24:21 Carl mascot has a Christmas. Message Do you have a Christmas message? Merry Christmas to all. And a happy 6 or 9. That's funny. That was very.

1:24:32 Good is that? A Merry Christmas. Perfect. Perfect. Because we can just change that there's a voice actor in the making. I know we can change about 6 or 9 parents and his teacher. Told us that she likes dancing in the back of the class and also he's got the best sense of humour. Yes, of everyone. Those are the most. Important, you know, right? That's the other thing that we're not ready for shit, but bye. Yeah, you still want it.

1:25:03 Sorry, bye. Bye bye. And I married. 6 or 9 tool. OK, sorry. I find. The problem with talking in. An Irish accent is once you start, it's really hard to stop. I had that problem. Not exactly. That problem, weirdly, I think it's going to be the. Problem I it becomes the problem. I went into town with Sam the other day and he was like, let's play Minecraft while we walk. OK, if I press this button, your voice changes. So we press the button and I just stop the talking like a button. I was like, OK.

1:25:43 Let's go to town and then I just. Kept. Going so I was walking through the park and I was like, Sam, I've got a problem. I cannot stop talking like this. And so we're walking around, being there. We're looking for a Christmas present for for the roof and it's like. Sam, stop looking at the toys. Now we need to leave. We're looking for things for mommy, I can see. People staring at me like. That guy's voice is not not how he really sounds, is it? I'm like, don't look at me, I'm a freak. I didn't.

1:26:10 Interrupt that. Once. I just want everyone to acknowledge that.