Panatheon 22: The Good, The Bad and Goatly

0:00 This episode of is that a six year and 9 is dedicated to Reginald Punch, a Nazi and his beautiful new baby. And his partner? And the mum gave birth. She. She's been through the fucking ringer. But as a guy who has also had a child, nothing is harder than trying to find somewhere comfortable to sit as the man in a their labour ward so well on Reg. You're 7649. Hello and welcome. To 06/09 and I'm with a DND podcast made by idiots. My name is Matt Paul, I'm in charge, and I'm joined by Marie Nicholson.

0:40 Playing it. Crassley, Carl. Nicholson. I'm playing Bell Suffolis. And I can come up with a name I forgot. I've been sitting here all day and I forgot to come up with a name. Crazy thought, what you can use my actual name you don't know. In that case, I'm joined by Alice Bowart. Neither. Of those right now, dice. Sorry, I got my rubber duck dice. It's fine. Oh. Shit, yeah, I forgot.

1:11 Those all day. How is everybody? Good. Yeah. Hot. Tired. Yeah. I feel like we should start the episode with congratulations because our superfan who sent us a present has also been safely delivered of a, Oh yeah, bouncing baby girl who is our niece. Yes, congratulations, super fan Reg. Who I feel like this is a good place to say has sent us some fan mail. Yeah, now I have no idea what it is. It's been sitting in my kitchen since the well it was posted on the 12th of June and it's now nearly the end of July so.

1:49 Let's hope it's not food.

1:54 All I know is that he said it was mostly for rib, so I'm hoping it's going to make sense when we open it. But I'm going to give it to rib to open. Everyone has baited breath. Well, just RIP it.

2:21 The sound. Was big though. I got that. I've got. It. I've got it. You got it. I got it. Make. Sure, big. Strong. Girl, that reminds me of the car we had in Florida where it had an OverDrive phone and all it did was make it noisier. He made it go any faster. Yeah, it just went. Yeah. Mighty Bra and then still. Didn't I Can't remember. What make that car was Was it the red one or the black? The white SUV. Yeah, white one. OK, it's parcel within the parcel. OK, past the parcel. Good. We've got a bubble wrap.

2:52 Get that out of the way. The table for the game starts, yeah. OK. It's this full rib on the box. 4 rib, is that a? 6 or a nine. Ah, it's a he's made a dice. He's made, He's made. He's wrapped it in a dice. Any box is sort of automatically AD 6. What? Is it going? It keeps going.

3:20 Reg, just my notes so far is probably fewer plastic bags. On the nose. Yeah. Don't ruin it on the. Nose. Oh. My God. That is so so. Weird. The freaking jaw. Oh my. God, whoa. That's.

3:46 The best neurodelegent thing we've ever. Seen I'm not. Going to open the jar of dice and sniffed it. I unless he had the same thought, I was like, yeah, just like the colour. Or the smell. Get them out. Oh wait, they're stuck together because they're made of honey.

4:02 Oh. Look at the jaw. Sorry, I mean. The dice.

4:09 Oh that is so sweet. The D12 is such a lovely. They look pretty cool, don't they? So. But it looks like cunning. Yeah, when we finally get our Instagram up and running, we will have to put out, we will have to put a picture of them up. It's probably just because we know what it's meant to be. I hate it. Almost looks like liquid. They do come with a warning, it says, Not for human consumption. So take them out your mouth, guys. I already ate the D12. Hang on. Shit, I'm eating these dogs. Yes, the first roll was in that 20.

4:55 What? A fantastic way. Oh. Yeah. Should we, should we send him a voice note? It's. Gonna hear this. OK. Let's be honest. OK, well. This will cheer them up well. Love this jar. Can I have the dice dead? Faint wild honey. Faint. Oh God, are they cursed? Are they? We don't know yet. We haven't started. You summoned that, you summoned the portal to the thing, and you summoned the Unicorn. I think that that is an amazing present. Yeah, I want some now. I think that was, I think that was really cool. I mean, your birthday is coming up.

5:36 If you want honey dice, I will buy you honey dice. But. Then we'll get confused. Buy me some dark rich honey dice. Slightly browner ones. OK Or buy dice with honeycomb in it. Not an actual one. Yeah, making it like really boozy and expensive now. OK. Control yourselves, right? That was, that was some excitement that was so exciting. It's Ruth's birthday on Sunday, so that's a nice little birthday present. That thing we do, No, it's just her birthday. No it's just literally her birthday on Sunday 28.

6:11 Fuck off a bunch of mid 30 somethings like go away. OK, let's get that. That's done. Finger guns shot first.

6:28 Please stop the game, I don't want to talk about how old we are. Anymore shall I? Shall we do the recap? Yeah, I'm sorry. Look at my notes. So the last. Time you guys continued your adventure to find some giant goats. I've been stolen from a Wild West themed village. With your Team Moon knock off adventure party. You quickly remembered that there was a Unicorn. In the camp. You spent quite a long time learning to ride Stacy. Like a balanced bike like. A balanced bike who then disappeared, sort of scurrying away into the bushes.

6:58 You then continued your search and eventually found a cave filled with giant goats. The adventure band that you were with all seemed reluctant to go into The Cave because of something inside you mind tricked them into telling you that there was a giant there that had stolen all of the goats. You snuck into the pen in front of The Cave, got the goats out, did quite a cudding trick to make the giant sleep. Then he passed his wisdom safe. He woke up you guys. Well rib. Nailed it with a fucking witch bolt.

7:34 Nailed it with a witch bolt. Turned everyone invisible, at which point he complained that someone had stolen his goats again and you all felt like bastards. So rib felt like a butt. I didn't do any damage. You were a Dick. I created and then turned everyone invisible. Yeah, but do you fair telling everyone Invisible did say you having to fight the giant. The giant revealed his name was Huey, Huey Eugenus, and he was sad that his goats have been taken. Although he did say that it was sort of a game, that every time the village came and took the goats, he'd have to go and bring them back and then they'd come into.

8:15 He thought, he thinks it's a game. He's that he got a weird and political and we discussed our various opinions on various assholes from the world. But we were very hot. Yeah, we were. Did we just spawn out into chaos? But. I am. I'm a very mediocre white man, which means I have a lot of very important opinions that need to. Be heard. It was very, it was very hot, we were very dehydrated and it was quite late. Hence the opus to this DND podcast, I guess. Yeah, anyway. I gave a shit in the car because we were we've been listening back to the old episodes and we were saying that we've realised that Riv just goes straight into killing people and we don't I. Don't.

8:57 Think that's fair? I think, I think Riv kind of dances around killing people. No, no, she's. Possible and it just goes crazy. She sits throats and then asks questions later is what she does. That was one time and Belle told me to do it. That was my unintelligence, OK? That wasn't me running in of killing things.

9:21 He killed me. And that's where we are now. So the other thing we discussed last time was that we make all our decisions standing still and we're never walking anywhere. So I feel like are we in the village or are we walking to the? Village. You're walking to the village with Huey, OK? Can I ask Huey how long this game has been going on for? Quite a while. I mean, I've heard of these goats. I've lived here for my whole life and this has always been a thing. How old are you? Like 23. 23. Years Super.

9:59 Old. I'm not gonna lie. If no one's eating these goats, they're gonna be fucking minging. If they're 23, you know what we're talking about? Information that we write down. Yeah. The villagers have been harassing him for 23 years. Yeah, right. Yeah, That's worth noting. Down. No, you wrote what you want down. You don't know what's gonna happen. The villagers might try and lie to us. Not gonna be like. No, no. 23 years. Come for me. I'm new. You're not new. We've been doing this by 6 fucking months man.

10:28 Come on. Longer than that. What is it, July now? We start just before Christmas. It's like 9 months or something. We've been doing this. That's insane. We've already done 20 episodes though, and yeah, you still don't know how to roll dice after 9. Months me and my wife are picking on me. Anyway, yeah, I don't see them take the goats. They're always really sneaky. But it's it's kind of fun. I have to figure out where where they put them. And yeah. Is it always the same people? Or. Yeah, it's always in the same village, the.

11:05 Same village. Yeah, yeah, that's how I know where we're going. Do they look like they're trying to hurt you when they do it? Sometimes they throw things at me, but. Right one of. The bigger than they are, you know, it's not sure I'm going to take you with me. Everywhere. Sidebar guys. Oh. Man, they're going to do loads of voices. Hey, team sidebar. I think we should kill them. No, no. Have you not listened that 23 years they've been tormenting him just because he's different? That's unacceptable.

11:38 I think we need to figure out who's behind it before we start. Yeah. I think we know who's behind. It yeah, but like there's, there's going to be specific people, yeah. Yeah. With the goats. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think they're. I think they're hired, right. You've got like big, big boy, big boy, boss of the village. That's who you need to go after. Yeah, fine, fine, fine, fine. But rather than killing them, let's just torture them a little bit. Kill them. And then torture her first, get the information then, then they'll kill.

12:16 Go on. OK, cool. Yes. Yes. Oh, we could use them. If we've tied them up to torture them. The Prince could get some training and we can make him kill them. Jesus. Killing like let's. It's high time you killed something. Assess the. Situation and then we can. Kill. Yes, Yes. Pass out justice, because apparently that's what we do. I mean, you're saying? Is wrong. You're saying they're wrong. Kill them. That's OK, Kill them. I don't. I feel like Riffs have a character transplant Riff has not had. Riff doesn't think I should just go in and kill anyone just because they did something.

13:04 I mean, that's why we killed that other guy. We. Still need to like that it's just but. Don't we still need to, like, figure out who killed them, why they're doing it? Like, you know, no one killed the goats. They stole them. And they start. Attention. You know, I don't think you can just run in and start killing the. Heads of a village. Watch me. I'm. Sad to say that they're so sink. Dark guys. It goes into like hug bell. Is this, is this happening? Are we, is this all right? Yeah. We finally found common ground.

13:41 Yes. Bro Pat. Jesus Christ. You guys are weird. I'm gonna misty step anywhere but here. Ninja Panish. Are we in the village now? Yeah. Have we? Have we made it? Yeah. I really missed my Unicorn. Yeah, I mean, it took you guys a couple of days to walk before, but here he sees you guys getting tired, he picks you up and he carries you. Probably not me. Yeah, he's he's, he's a proper giant fuck. You're just, no, you're a Goliath, aren't you? I'm a hill giant. Yeah. A giant hill Giant, Yeah. But giants Giant.

14:18 But you're a Goliath. A Goliath is like 1/2 giant. It's like half human half giant. Don't think. About like 1/2 giant yeah. You calling me a mud blood? No, that's racist. No, I think back to it. Muggle in itself just sounds racist. Doesn't. It I mean I wonder why that anyway. What's the name of the guys? Because no, none of us wrote them down. Never, actually. No, I think we just called them like Skinny Senator. Yeah. 2. New Bell? Oh my God, he's hot. But you didn't spend the night with them. I. Could have asked.

14:53 Yeah. Also they didn't ask our names so. We'll say you all shared names. Yeah, discount Bell, gangly man, short stack. There you go. Maybe or not. That's not their name. Have we? Have we walked? We're coming into the village now. Yes, the sun's starting to go down by the time you get to the village. It was a couple of days checked before, but again, you sort of left. You arrived in the village and went right, we're dealing with this and left. So you left in the middle of the day when you left before.

15:21 And this time Huey helps pick you up guys up and you take it and turns to ride on his back every now and again. And yeah, sun's going down as you get to the village. It doesn't have like defensive walls or anything. It's literally like your sort of stereotypical Wild West village, just a dirt Rd going along with a bunch of buildings either side of it and a few sort of randomly dotted around. Oh, I'm guessing the villagers aren't still like, out. Make a perception check or an investigation check.

15:54 You approach. I'll aid you on an investigation. Have we made a decision on whether we're just here to get the goats back or whether we're here to like put a stop to it? Does he want to? If he thinks it's a game, does he want to put a stop to it? Or is it like that only communication he gets with? People. That is 16/19 honey dive style. Not bad. So as you approach the village, it's deserved, whereas before you approach the little settlement and everyone was in the street in front of this sort of like town hall looking building everyone's got.

16:27 You do see the goats are all corralled fenced in near the town hall building. Like they're not particularly hidden. They're just kind of like tied to a post inside this ring fence with 19. You do see, you see movement by the town hall building.

16:51 Right. What would you want to do with these goats? Do you want to leave the goats out here with Huey and deal with and go maybe going to the town hall and see if there's the people in there that we want? To talk to, talk to. I mean, you could just set my javelins on fire and then I could throw them in the building. I think maybe we should necessarily kill. Everybody straight away. Because that town hall could be filled with innocent civilians. And we don't do that. There's no such thing. There's no such thing.

17:25 Right. Can I, can I go up to the town hall door and or maybe like look in a window? Yeah. 1st. Yeah, brazenly walk up. To the building. No, no. Yeah, as you walk up, you get an arrow and serially 17 hits. Yeah, you walk up to the building. Yeah, and you get shot by a crossbow. I don't. Know why I didn't do anything? Rubber Ducky dies. He's got. 7. Damage. 7 and roll roll initiative. I know it's annoying, I've been learning. It's just you. Know you've been learning how to read her? Oh, sorry. Lame.

18:10 As you walk up to the building, a crossword bolt hits you in the shoulder. Today is your turn. You're up. Can I see where that thing came from? Make a perception check or an investigation. 12. You don't see where? No. You don't see where the arrow came from, but you do see like coming out of the building is short stack and discount. Belt hi fuckers, Remember where else? I came to talk and now I've got hit with an arrow and now I'm going to kill you. Cool. So I'm going to cast dragon breath on myself.

18:44 I'm going to choose lightning because I think a load of lightning bolts coming out of my mouth sounds really fun. Yeah, it's pretty sick. So I'm aiming it at specifically those two and the doors to the cool thing. Cool. Each creature in that area makes a Dexterity saving throw, taking 3D6 damage of the chosen type on a failed save, or half as much as damage, blah blah blah blah. Yeah. Dex save. Yeah, yeah.

19:14 OK. The team move Bell. Roller three I'm. Sorry.

19:20 And short stack roller 12. If I fail. 9. Damages. That wasn't very nice. What the fuck? That is Bell's turn. Hey, it's Bell Saxophone. That was a name, wasn't it?

19:41 Yeah, Bell's eyes are just like, glinting over. I use my last combat superiority guy because I've not really I've not been furnished. You haven't had like a long rest. I've not been furnished since the last semester and I use lunging attack going for discount Bell. He was a fucking chicken shit when it came to the malls and he was useless in that fight. You'd see when we were playing on the other side of the camp. I am not good at small talk, but that's OK because because you're dead now. 1824 I think there's going to be rolling more than one dice to attack, so 20.

20:24 20 damage and then +5 for your strength in that. Yes. 2025 damage, 5 damage. Oh my God, I'm going to regret. Mocking you now.

20:42 Gladiator Champion I. Regret taking the piss out of you know. Yes I know, faulty your knees and beg for forgiveness. That's a dirty 20. But if he'd no rolled he would have been like 4 to your knees and beg for forgiveness and then that trick and drop you sword. Fuck fuck hold on wait 456 points selection damage on top for the the discount bell. Oh God that really hurt Shorts next turn and he is going to attack Bell. I think that. Was like scary relishing and. He has packed. Tactics. He rows at Vonage with roll of 1 and a four.

21:24 Oh. My God. God damn it. But that is now a discount Bell's turn. He's just like, oh really? Oh, hey. Take this no. Bleeding there. He picks up. He arms his. Warhammer he gets. Packed up Dicks. Oh but he has a disadvantage because of your SAP so he gets 2 attacks though so just both forget to roll flat rather than that advantage and that one on the first one and 17 on the 2nd. Fuck. Oh no. It Grassley, that's your turn. So you've got short stack and teaming battle, fighting on the steps with belts and standing there whacking on with a sword in rib burping fire up, no lightning on them and someone shot Riv.

22:22 You don't know where from. I'll let you investigate that for a free action. You found wish. Just. Roll investigation. Yeah, e-mail investigation check. 13. You see in an upstairs window of this temple building, you can see the long, willowy Bowman is like preparing for another. Shot can. I use command to do. That just like. Freeze. It's a halt. Yeah. Yeah, certainly not doing it. Yeah, he makes the wisdom safe. That was two. Fuck me. And it brings out the spells and cantrips. He's on it just. Double check.

22:59 Yeah. So you see him, you see this guy, like preparing for another shot in the window and you point at him so 1st and he stops. He just kind of like drops his arms and stands there nonchalantly. Anything else? Bonus actions. I guess I can give them. Bardic. Inspiration. Bardic inspiration to something. Yeah. Oh, thank. Gosh, right. That's the prince's turn. Fucking hell, I forget you tend to like the big ball and then annihilate everything so. Does he still have He's just got a dagger At the moment.

23:27 He's wearing Belt Bell's old armour, but he's just got a dagger. That must drown him. No, he's got a short sword. He's got a short sword. I'm. Pretty sure I gave him a dagger as well. You gave him a dagger and then when we last did our round of looting I we had a surplus of short swords, so I gave him on. How can he move in Bell's armour? He's. Learning. Yeah, he's not like fucking. This drown it's building muscle, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Fine like Bell's like huge compared. To I. Imagine. Bell. He's kind of like Skyrim style, just kind.

24:00 Of like, I really, I really like the idea of Bell going like behind him and then lifting him up by his shoulders. Like his get armour, get him. It's your. Turn it's all down straight and I'll jab you into the. Prince, I choose you. Swing. Bruce is going to go attack. He's going to attack Short stack with his short sword. That's a six. He misses. It's OK, OK. Ruffle his hair, Yeah. You'll catch that I'm really trying, but I'm sorry. Everyone on the sidelines just because do you know if someone misses a goal at football, you know, like, stands up like.

24:37 That is the Bowman's turn. He is currently not doing anything. That's his background. To riff. Gorgeous, right? Can I see in the building behind the arrow guy? You can. Make a perception or investigation check. 2021. Yeah, you can see past him. He kind of like when it Grassley tells him to stop. He kind of just, like, stands there in the window and you can see faster. He's standing in what looks like someone's office, basically, and you can't see the whole room, Obviously, it's above you. Yeah, but he appears to just be in an empty office, striking from the window.

25:16 How far out's the window? Oh. God. I have. 15 foot, is that normal? How high a window is in a building? Yeah, we'll go 15 foot. People were shorter back then. OK, I'm gonna bonus action misty step. OK. Behind. Him OK, and I'm going to shove. Attack OK. Out the window, OK if opposed strength. OK so with that can I use my tides of chaos to give myself? Advice. Yes you can. Yes. 11. Fuck no. Two nines really odd to that. That's such bullshit, but I now need to roll under 100. Yeah. Yeah, dude.

26:03 A10. A10 What's a 10? For the next minute, you regain five hit points at the start of each of your turns. Yeah, so. You up to the top of the thing trying to shove him in the back, He tells you. I was like, hey, what the fuck? Yeah, you shove him in the back and you heal and he's like, oh am I am IA Paladin, What the hell? You know I could do that. OK, shut up. Oh, about Cephalus, you're up, you've got a short stack trying to tickle you. Apparently he's now, he's now in combat with the Prince and then you've got obviously TV that as well.

26:37 He's a rusty armour that you cautioned the Prince about is not helping him. See. Told you it's all for sure. It's all for sure. It's facade, it's the joints. They're not putting the same. They're not putting the right place. I mean, it was doing pretty well. Do you did that? So I kind of messed up. I should have declared it. The second attack was an accent. Accent shots, not 20.

27:05 Oh no. Oh. Shit, Audi 10s I. Thought you. Didn't. Want to kill anyone that's they hit me in the shoulder? With an arrow. But you see what I mean about ribs though. You're very, very. I'm happy to talk if they're happy to receive the talk. Oh yeah, we're absolutely going to kill. You guys, then I'm going to kill them. And then that's also that. Seems I think that's fair or not, isn't? It yeah, 4D sounds. Someone's attacking. Me. Because that's two D 10s. For. Physical and then two D 10s for force.

27:42 I don't. Need it I. Do not need it.

27:51 Nine, 10/15/2020. 25 damage. 25 damage, Five, Yeah.

27:58 Holy hell. Oh. My God. Why? Who are you man? How are? You alive? Barely alive. Please stop doing that. Would you like to tell me why you stole the? Ghost, why you've been stealing them for the last 20 years Before I send you to Hades, you can make a persuasion. Or intimidation. Check if you wanted to divulge. Can I involve the intimidation? Advantage. Yeah, you can.

28:28 Don't need that 18. 17 because I've got -1 on charisma. That makes sense. That's. So funny. You. Are so threatening and has. Minus 122 and. 18. Yeah, makes sense. They've got 9. The lack of charisma. Tracks.

28:47 That's. 17. Yeah, he's just like the

28:52 village. Elder who paid. Us to do it, so that's just do what we'll pay for. When? We got back with the coats and he was like, where what happens? And the other guys were like, well, still the giant, they're probably coming this way now. We should probably prepare for that. And he's like, I'll pay you load so much money to kill them as well, so do you have the money? He said. He was going to pay you on your person. How do you How can you get? It.

29:22 You've. Opened the window just like, hold on man, we've got the money. But I'll remember. To loot him. No, no. He said we'd have to kill kill you first. Shit. Not. Great. Wait, who's the village? Elder. He's. Definitely in the town hall. Have we met? Him yet? No, we've lost. Him just check the bag. On the behind the ribs and the. Candlestick. People before we kill. Him right so before we before we need to know who he is before we killed them you know him from. When you were here before because he was the one of the steps that was like try to calm the angry mob.

30:08 Anyway, yes. The. Village I would have paid them to. Go and steal the goats and then paid them to fight you and probably Huey, who at the moment is just buy the pen saying Gucci Cui is that your turn yes, I don't think there's. Anything else I can do to no, no, no, no, there's my turn. Cool, that is. Short stack. He is going to go for the Prince. Hilarious. Right. It. Was. Prince. It's just now it's Sentinel. Yeah, that's a six. And a nine Hey, it doesn't be at the Prince, though it is fucking. Scale male or.

30:57 Whatever it is you have from Belle, Yeah, it's. Chang male? Yeah, he goes in. Takes a swing with his mates at the Prince and the Prince dodges out of the way. Wow. Since. 21. Yeah, that were hit. Oh, no. Oh. Yes. Oh great. Attacking this random child. Thank you. 18 damage. 18 damage. Oh why? Who is this kid? To you. Timo Bell's turn. Oh, I'm at. The end of the fucking roster, man. Because you rolled. Ship friendship, but that's OK because it gives everyone something to look forward to rather than just me controlling all of these people for 15 minutes.

31:36 He's got 2 attacks but he's going to I guess go for Bell. He's technically disadvantaged because of his because he's been. Snapped by your long sword. But he. Also. Typically has advantage because he's got packed tactics. So that's just two fat rolls. 1 Bell, test the audio, pick that up. He's screaming. Off a little kid. Oh fuck I cannot. Roll for shit that is A7 and A12 Yeah no for. Fuck's sake, I think my. Arms fell off. That's that. Is it Grassley? 'S turn short stack. Tries to take a swing at the Prince, who dodged it and then got stabbed by Bell, who has also taken a swing at T MU Bell.

32:21 Meanwhile, Riv is upstairs. OK, so short stack is. Left, Yeah. So I guess I'm going for. Short. Stack. So I guess vicious mockery, yeah. So he. Makes a wisdom. Safe. You're short. That's. Why he loves you. Is that a six? Or a nine name. So he. Fails. OK, that. Was not worth it, but it was. Because now he's got various advantage. He knows next attack, disadvantage, next attack. That's the prince's term. Prince. Oh, man. Oh, are you doing anything? Bonus. Actually, I guess I'll give my. Barbicans photo.

33:03 Yeah, perfect. Thank you. I. Need to cross that spell. Off, but it's Cantre I can keep using contracts. Yeah, Bell. Is no the Prince is going to attack short stack. This is a fucking 3. Different. Detail This is insane. This is. Nice tray as well, just change it up a bit. Doesn't make a difference. And right, that's the. Princess, he's done. That's the bow, man. The bow. Man is going to turn around and probably shoot rib I like. That. Dice. Yeah, it's. Pretty, isn't it? This one's kind. Of cool.

33:33 Yeah, I got this from Dina. Games. I'm official sponsor unofficial way I. Haven't been because my. Anxiety. Means I don't like to leave the house. Neat. The Bowman is going to turn around and take a swing. That roof, that's not swing, was it? Yes, yeah. It's actually cool have. Made a Boo Boo that I will rectify later. Why have you done I've? Given myself a spell. That I'm not supposed to have but I. Haven't used it. Yet so it doesn't. Really matter, but you take. 11 damage that's fine. I'm. Regaining 5 hip.

34:17 Yeah, 5 anyway. Which is now so. Great, see you 5 back. Gorgeous. So how many? Do I lose those six rib? You're up stick so. I. Think. I'm gonna do chromatic orb. On the dude in front. Of me. There I'm. Gonna. There will be a disadvantage. Because it's ranged. Oh well, do it anyway. Is that the one can? I tidy chaos and make it straight. Then Yep, yeah. Schematic Orb. Is that? What? What does that do? You throw like a ball. Of magic at them and then you can decide what type of damage it is yeah so I'm gonna.

34:54 Do it at advantage because tied to chaos and like hold it to a chest, fuck it out. I'm gonna do acid. Jesus. Christ. Why do you hate me? I've not said anything. It's better I kill you this way. Than I was pushing you across the. Campfire writing poetry about your sheer beauty. Why are you doing this to me? That wasn't that was getting. Weird and creepy. I get it. So that's an 18. Yeah, that'll. Hit me. Perfect. So that's 3D. 814 damage? Well then I'll just do my D100 go. That's. 78. Yeah. I have really untamable magic.

35:33 It's gonna kill someone one day. A random creature within 60. Feet of you has the poisoned condition for one deep. Alex. So I guess the dude in front of you. The dude count as a creature. Yeah, yeah. About the goats, No. No, the creature is just the Pete is there's a spider in the rum. Scud.

35:51 So that means. He's now poisoned. He's poisoned. That's hilarious. Poisoned. Very check you have disadvantage on attack roles in the pity cheques. Oh fuck. I'll shove him next time. Yeah, why? It really hurts. The hell you're up. I'm going to keep on swinging at the discount bell. Just get rid. Of him as. Slow or quickly as possible, then that hits. That's the 19.

36:24 Oh. God, this is how I die. I. Guess so. Unlikely. You're not going to kill. Me at this time. Do you have any last words?

36:34 Oh, I guess. 16. Yeah, his last words. Are oh, I guess how do you want to kill him?

36:48 Because I've been hacking. Him. He's now on his knees and as he looks up he's like, oh, I guess just. Very gracefully. Just behead him on the steps. That's fine. I'll give him a noble. My noble death. Whoa, these. People's random. Village that has a. Surprisingly, audit down building it's a whoa. OK, that's shorts. Daxter. He's going to try and attack Bell because he's scared. Oh, did you call Teamu Bell I? Thought I killed Teamu Bell. No, I killed. Teamu Bell can I not loot and do that a bit of.

37:22 Like do it now. Short stack is go to. Attack at disadvantage I think because you hit with Oh yeah so disadvantaged to two. Fuck. Me, I cannot roll. For shit. That's his. Turn. It gradually you're. Up. So just use Vicious Mockery. Again. And see what? Yeah, you can. Vicious mockery to Guy. OK. I don't roll for that, You do. Right. Oh yeah, they can save you, right? Yeah, look, I mean, I learned something. Yay. Fucking 2. He's. Poisoned again? So you. Do so you do. So savage. Well, he was. Disadvantaged from that anyway, yeah.

38:00 60 you know he's dead. Yeah, I did what they. Oh, what? Cabbage Stew. Again. Guys, you guys got? Coordinate there on that, or just make it own it. Make it your thing. That's what they do. The. Robert and soul do and Grace and Frankie, they always go what? That means. You'd love it. That's the Prince. 'S turn. He's just going to throw a dagger, have to go in the window you miss and. Hit me.

38:29 That's funny. Close it up, it'll. Do he gets with a dagger It's. Not going to do. His arms are tweaks. We've not been eating well. It's one damage, but. It's the first. Damage he's ever done. Yes. Take this you where? My foot is. The handle of the dagger hits the guy in the back of her head, the Princess jumping. Up and down his hands like a little bitch. Like I'm like, I hit that one. I recorded it. Well done. I got it. It's. Real shaky, but I got it. That's. That's his turn. He's got disadvantage on his attack.

39:15 Really want to make him. Shoot the Prince but it doesn't make sense when ribs fighting him so he's going to disadvantage swing at ribs so fucking that's a 19 and a 2 so he. Misses Rib. Unless is your own class. Six, Yeah. Well then he hits nice eight match perfect thank. You, you're not writing it down.

39:45 You're not writing it down. I. Haven't taken any. Damage I was. It was. Done. Ribs. Done. I get 5 more. Points as well they've. Landed a single fucking. Hit. Haven't they? No. It's so. Bad in a fight I cannot roll above a fucking. Chest. Loving. This health coming. Back. Yeah, Good. For you, maybe I. Could get some of that. Who? It's the. Bowman. Oh, I kind of forgot you were here. So let's throw it red, but my chest. Well, should we just do another? Grammatical. Yeah. Should we do another? Tide to chaos.

40:26 No. This time, this time we're going fire. Great. Thank you for. That it's going to. Really suck if I fail. The roll but. Amazing that that it's. Perfect, so let's kill me then. Three DA I'm so. Sure that I can't. See in your dice tray when it rolls. OK. 7891011121313 Damage. Oh, oh, oh, are you not the? Chap Nope, I'm. Alone. OK. Well.

41:11 OK, yes. Bookmark this fucking. Sorcery page Kaboom, You know 20. 3/20. 3 for the next. Minute. All your spells are the casting time of an action, have a casting time of a bonus action. So in theory you can cast another spell do it again. How do I know? Probably. Can trick? Can. You. Yeah, I'm going to cast. I'm gonna do Sorcerer's best because I can also pick. The. Damage. She's getting so into it, so I'm going. You know what? I know you like the acid, so I'm gonna go back to acid. No, I wouldn't.

41:44 Say I liked. It.

41:47 I didn't have as much. As the fire? I suppose so. Make a ranged attack. Yep. Oh, so I do it. With disadvantage. I'm assuming my brain was like because they'd make A and my brain just went you didn't because I sat on that page 10, so 15 Yep, that hits. Cool, so we'll do a. Little. DA and if it hits seven will do. Yeah, 7:00 Will. Do he dissolves into the ground? I lean out the window.

42:19 I got him. You got one. I know. I I. Feel. Like I I did most of the work there with my name I sort. Of dagger back out. I kicked the Prince and. Beat him into submission. I only have three air. Points why you only have three air. Points. What is he doing in fight? Yeah, I. Need to figure. Out his Why is Belle using him as a human? Shield, I'm not picking him up from the back of Salma and just rushing forwards like I I'll meet you. Down. There and I'm going to everyone. 'S dead. Well, the. The adventuring.

42:55 Party. Are dead. It's still looking a bit. Worried, he appears around the side. Of the building. He's like, oh, no, what happened? Oh, oh, no. Oh, no. Oh. No. What happened? Oh.

43:12 No reference I don't get. No. No, I mean it was I. Mean yeah. Oh, yours was that? Mine was kind of like, no, no, I was going. Off of the the monkey thing in Planet of the Apes where he's going? Oh no. And everyone. Turned it into a. Meme so it'll have like someone falling over and it'll be like Oh no. Oh, anyway. Anyway. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, that can get. Cut out, it's the heat again. Don't come out. Yeah, I'm going. To we're coming to you. Yeah, I'm going to go. Down the stairs. Because I'm still upstairs.

43:48 OK, let's go. Here, he's like, I've got my goats. I'll, I'll just, I'll wait here for you guys. Yes. And we can. Go back to my house. And have some lovely goats cheese. Yeah, yes. Cool, I'm. Like come in there, I'm. Like you, that's not goats. I'm so sorry. I hit you with a witch's bolt, it's OK. You. Didn't know and to think I was going to. Attack him. I have like too much. I was. Going to attack him. I. Think that's like Fury's sad. Yeah, yeah. Sound. It wouldn't have done that much that. Was that you are a good.

44:27 I was the pig in this in town. Yeah. Sound. Sad.

44:32 Good. You're going in the building that was that. I was a good soldier and I started. Crying. Oh wow, everyone's really. Connecting today, yeah. You guys go, go in the building. So as you open the door, it's kind of like, I imagine like The Simpsons town hall. So a bunch of pews with a little like died in at the front stage thing making an investigation check. And then Rib, if you yeah, rib can like make your way down there as well. Can I come from the side? Can you look from the top? Can I look from like a bird's eye?

45:02 There is a balcony. There's like. I saw the you you go out and there's that sort of landing. Yeah. And there's like a flight of stairs. It goes down and comes off sort of like near the stage. But you can, you can look over the thing. OK, cool. Yeah, I'm gonna do that. 18 not. 20, which is amazing because my intelligence is 11. I don't have a modifier on that. Nice. It's very good. It's just a flat 20. Well, see, it's this. -1 up here. But I have a one here, so I add the one, right? I have proficiency in it.

45:30 Yeah, that's why it's covered. In Yeah 16. Yeah, you. Guys. Will get Bell boots the door open and you see on the stage hiding behind the little lectern thing is the mare just like like on the ground, hands over his head. Just honestly, he's shaking. Just like if we had Firefall this. Will be the time. No, no, no, no. No, you should do that. I. Sheath my, I sheath the arcane. Sword and I'm I and I begin to slowly pull out a javelin. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, he's fine. Everything's fine. Resort to further violence.

46:10 It's. Fine. No, I think we'll do. No, No, no, no, no. Wait, Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Gee. I. I. I gave them, gave gave them money to to get the goats. I won't take that back. I could give you the. Money to go? Away Why were you? Stealing. The goats, agriculture's pretty tricky around here. Easier to do the goats and use those and sell them on. That's a really bad person thing to. Do well, I'm a politician. Do you know what's worse do? You know what? Politicians.

46:44 Are the worst, so go for it. Do you know what's worse than do? You know what's worse than? Selling goats and sell them on to make more money is to get the same team of adventurers who stole the goats to try and kill us for money. Yeah, I. Have to I? Feel terrible about that misunderstanding. Boris Johnson it was. A good voice I would like to I'd like to cast which. Bolt on him. What? No. I. Am actually a comment I yeah. It's. Fine, OK. Do you you realise who I am, right? No. I've made my way down the.

47:31 Stairs What is Nikki doing well? I did. Say wait. And I was looking up something, but that's why I've not attacked you. No, but you went and got the. Answer you. Wanted, didn't you? I mean, what answer did you give? Basically the reason why. Yeah. He's he's. Literally doing it because he can. Oh well. He's doing it to sell the goats. On to make more money and he thought he could get rid of the problem IE us by getting them I the team of adventures to try and kill us. Only thing to do. Then is just.

47:59 Cloud A daggers him shit. I'm right? We're killing, yeah. Right. Should we? Should we let the? Prince Take. 'Cause he was, he was trying to talk to this guy and I feel like we should let that happen a little bit. OK, if that doesn't. Work. I'm gonna cloud a daggers him. You'll make sure the Prince is out the way in front of a cloud of daggers. I I have an. Idea. OK, these people, these people think they, they want the goats, right? Yeah, but the goats belong to Huey. Yeah, Huey's pretty cool, right?

48:30 What have you? We. Depose the mayor and. I mean, if Huey in charge, Huey's the one with the goats and everyone seems to be obsessed with the goats. Oh, you want to exile? This guy, yeah, he can get. Fucked and then we're on our way to Passe. We can tell the the Lord of Passe that he needs to find a replacement for the mayor here. But I I would find a way for QA to keep in touch with us and then we can, we can. Track the progress here because this. Is. Right. Or we could kill him. No. No, no, no, no.

49:02 I like this. This actually works. This works this one this. Works pretty well for his favourite. When you use Cloud of Daggers you want. More than one person, yeah. No daggers. It's 4D4. Damage. Let's fuck him up. The man's gonna die a. Horrible death that way, but he's also now gonna die penniless in scrambling around in the desert beaches by north. It's just got like. Is it was it battle fever as I was caught? You know when the IT does die. And this way I know polio, which I had forgotten your name.

49:33 Yeah, the reason Like you were. Concerning you didn't know what my name was and this. Way Amos. No, no, no. He's born him. It's OK. He's safe. He's safe enough Cardio can take the High Road and show his benevolence. You know, I'm not an idiot. I just. Wanted to kill him. I understand. I just wanted to kill him. Are you sure? Yes. I get it. We're not killing. Him because needs to prove he's a bad guy. And he's he's a politician that's been deposed in if you exile, that's a. Hero. If you exile then what's going to stop him coming back?

50:09 Probably the North. Do. You. I won't. Come back, someone. Else gets to kill him. If you have your. If you have your. Seal, you can make this an official decree. We wouldn't need to go to Tharsay at all because technically this is only someone had some beeswax. To make a scene and an Indian. Lens, I think don't need to roll. You're essentially the whole of. Flasse if you. Oh, OK. So yeah, we would. Scratch that, we do need to still need, but you can't still make it a hardly do a world grip, Yeah.

50:42 Yeah. You're right. Where do we get everybody from the village here? How do we do that? Well, there's. A bell. There's a bell. I will go and ring the bell for you. I I will ring the bell. Yeah, there's a, there's like a. Toxin bell at the top of the building. You read that and all of the people, you can see people kind of like peering out of their windows and some of them like open their doors, see a giant standing in the street. Like Nope.

51:13 You go and convince everyone that Huey's cool. You guys just sits across like it on the floor, peg a goat and eventually everyone comes out and you parade the mare out onto the steps of the town hall. It's your circuit. OK. Hi everyone, my name is goodness ladies, pretty soon I'll be your king and pretty pretty soon I'm going to be king both down and I'm going to be honest, whatever's happening here is complete shit show. So just when I go to see that's a you. He's in charge. OK, You guys are one of his goats and he seems like a really good guy.

51:59 So I'm sure he's willing to share his his goats with you for whatever reason you need them. But maybe man grow something like your own goats or something like God. You cannot just your economy. Cannot. Be. Funded by stealing other people's livestock. It's insane. OK, OK. OK, he's easy. Anyway, I'm in charge. I've sort of I've got rid of your evil corrupt. You won't have any more giants going in to kill everybody. Somebody is going to need to clear up these guys, but that's I think that's on him and he sort.

52:29 Of like jacks his thumb over the man I think he should deal with. That and then you can do what you. Want with him we're going to go to NASA and find a replacement then give your attention on this matter and then he walks away. So yeah, everyone is kind of like apprehensive and like, OK, the giants in charge and QQ is like, you guys want to come back for some goats cheese? Not particularly. Gary, this is. Go home now. Oh, you don't need. To go back. You got to look at everyone. In the village, all these villages, he's like, you guys, welcome to, We've cut so much.

53:07 It goes huge. You know, they could choose a lot of milk. You. Can you can come and see what the cave's like? And like a few people sort of like, shrug. And they're like, OK, And then like, you see. So like some of the smaller children are like, oh cool, we need to go see a. Giant game great. And they're like parents. Are like playing to like, what the fuck are you doing? And here he just kind of turns and walks away and eventually people start sort of following him. That's so cute. I love him and yeah as he's.

53:35 Walking along, you see like a bunch of kids are like jumping up and like trying to pet this fucking giant goat. And he's sort of like scoops a whole bunch of them up in his hands or like drops them. They sound exciting about. It. Yeah, it's great. You get back to Huey's house and. Yeah. Have a nice sort of like giant goat cheese fondue with the village. A long rest so beautiful. You'll have a long rest. Did you? Is there anything you wanted to do before? Did you want to loot the guys? They pretty much just had basic like weaponry and stuff.

54:10 They didn't have anything really called magic weapons. Well, we could, but they definitely had. Gold on them. Beautiful. You find I wouldn't have waiting to make you roll the investigation for it. You find the basically the contract they had with the mayor, he was giving him 300 gold pieces to deal with. Like he was giving him an absolute fortune. Seems quite suspicious that he had so much money but he was giving him 300 gold to basically keep on top of these goats, get them back, deal with The problem.

54:36 Was that 300 GP per? Goat or for all the whole thing? So 300 gold, are you writing this in the inventory? Yeah, so you find a load of money on them. And the contract of proof that this guy was up to no good. We can sell the weapons. Yep. They have. Three every crossbows to another. Armour 2 Mace, wuhammer. Yep, and some chain mail. OK. Can you go back to Huey's place? And while everyone's having their lovely fondue, he is. I owe you a lot. You got my goats back and you didn't. You didn't kill me and you made me a mare Crazy.

55:12 Crazy. Day for you, yeah. There's a bunch of stuff here that you guys can take if you want it. And he, like, goes to the back of his cave and pulls out like, a big crate and, like, dumps it out. I hate to say this, but every day I had to kind of fight them. And I never meant to hurt anybody, but I end up getting killed sometimes anyway. This is some of the stuff that I found over the years, Yeah. Found. So I haven't. Actually rolled. For Luke for this, but what we'll do is the random magic items in the back of the book in the DMG.

55:52 You guys roll AD 100 and you can pick from the list. So we'll start with Riff. There's four options. You've got Arcana, armament, so like magic stuff, weapons, implements. So I guess like tools and things or relics, I'm going to go for Arcana. Cool D100. 2A. Potion of Climbing. Oh sick hell. Yeah, so you robbing the brown, you pull out a weird. Vial This potion is separated to brown and silver grey layers resembling bands of stone. You give it a shake to see what's going on, but the layers? Say exactly where they are.

56:26 When you drink this potion, you gain a. Climbing speed equal to your speed for one hour. Amazing. So you can just like spider man stuff. That cool. Now let's go for armament. Let's roll. It breast case scenario I get myself a new sort of last case scenario. I get something I can sell for money. Yep. 60. 868 you find some. Smouldering armour. You pull out this, you pull out a breastplate plate, male. So sort of like your armour and it's it's dark metal. It's got like red veins kind of running over it and smoke kind of like creeps out of the veins and rises.

57:06 But it doesn't seem to do anything. But it's the same, same effectiveness armour as we already have. OK, it just looks. Cool, I guess. Yeah. World of Cool, yes. Yeah, some smoky armour. Right it Grassley. Yeah, I can't choose. Between 3:00 and I don't really care about armour so I thought if I roll AD 3 and then one so one is our karma so. Magic item Yeah, roll the D142 an. Orb of direction. Stick so presumably. A compass. Cool. Yeah. So you have more of a problem for rib than me so. Yeah, you have a a compass.

57:40 And then it gives you a bunch of healing potions. We'll say you get healing potion each. I'll find a bunch of healing potions in there, but I hope you. Guys. Like the stuff, I don't know any of it dozers for or anything. So yeah, yeah, everyone has a nice night eating goat's cheese, having some goat's milk wine. I meant a goat's milk. It's. Probably a thing and you. Have a nice long rest. And prepare yourself for the next day's adventure, partying with the random people of this random village who now have a giant for a mare.

58:15 And that is where we'll end this session. Nice. I'm looking forward to the next. Episode just being chaos seems to be a. Party. Allison. Not very happy. About it the. Next episode report is going to have. Time skip to close up the passe so that we can. Progress the story. Yeah, doing like loads. Of random cows and stuff is fine to an extent, but after a while it's just like to. Get to the big stuff. Yeah, so. We can level up. I want you. To meet. Damasio. Who is that? He's. The horse Lord that way.

58:48 Horse Lord. I'm gonna romance. Him. All. Right. You don't like, well, excited about that world Quick. Yeah. Anyway. Let's. Spoilers and foreshadowing for next time. Yeah, we'll get you closer to the passe. The next one. Did we say bye? No, Oh shit, we did that thing again. Well, we will just pack up a dice and completely stop listening to you. Thank you everybody for listening like. Subscribe, break, share with your friends, tell people about us and send us more cool dice. We'll figure it out. Support my charity thing.

59:23 I think I've last couple of weeks I can plug my charity thing. Do a 26 mile trek for outside the society. Not to say it's going to be a long, hard, hot hideous run walk thing that I'm doing and should be fun. Hopefully I don't get upstaged by roof any more than I already have. I think it's a pretty. Safe bet that you will. But that's OK. We like to see women thrive. Yeah, Yes, yeah. Thank you everybody. Come back next time for another hour of nonsense. This. Yeah, We love you. Bye. Bye. Bye, bye, bye.

59:58 Come back for a little. Bye. Goodbye. Boy. Oh, does anybody? Motivate. If I come to join the and you are so. Fucked. What are we? Doing I don't know well. Stop it and pay attention. I'm paying attention. Yeah. You've got a new dice. You don't need old dice. I'll take the tub. You. Don't take my tub. How is it I get shit for? Having. A suitcase for a dice and you've got like a whole fucking. If it makes you feel any better, I give. Her plenty of shit. Very good. That doesn't make. Me feel better actually.

1:00:36 Hold on, some of my notes are. Upside down Harley wants to come. Why? Are you? That's funny. 10/23. You like your new dice, huh? I. Do please edit out me saying boob shell.